New here and scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 46
New here and scared
Hi everyone, I have been lurking on this site for months, enjoying the great advice and the support you all share. It has been a very long journey for me. I have not had a drink in over nine years but I overdid some medication and have now been completely sober a little over a year now.
I started attending AA 10 months ago. I have a sponsor, go to many meetings, working on the steps etc. But the stress of several situations in my life leads me to thoughts of drinking on a regular basis. I fight back hard with prayer, meditation, some exercise, try to eat better, calls to AA friends, been seeing a therapist. I don't want to give up. It has been so hard lately. I am so scared of what will happen if I start drinking again. Thank you for listening.
I started attending AA 10 months ago. I have a sponsor, go to many meetings, working on the steps etc. But the stress of several situations in my life leads me to thoughts of drinking on a regular basis. I fight back hard with prayer, meditation, some exercise, try to eat better, calls to AA friends, been seeing a therapist. I don't want to give up. It has been so hard lately. I am so scared of what will happen if I start drinking again. Thank you for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome,
I am glad you decided to post and congratulations on your recovery.
It sounds like you're doing lots of good things to help your recovery. Hopefully you can still find time to have some fun too. There is lots of support here.
I am glad you decided to post and congratulations on your recovery.
It sounds like you're doing lots of good things to help your recovery. Hopefully you can still find time to have some fun too. There is lots of support here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Welcome Truckinon. I'm glad you found us & told your story. 
I think being here will really help, in addition to the other steps you're taking. I read & post here as a reminder of what will happen if I ever decide to tempt fate again. I know I can never go back to the uncertainty & misery that drinking brought me. I'm sorry for the challenges you're facing in your life - but as we already know - drinking does nothing but increase our anxiety & solves nothing. Great to have you with us.
I think being here will really help, in addition to the other steps you're taking. I read & post here as a reminder of what will happen if I ever decide to tempt fate again. I know I can never go back to the uncertainty & misery that drinking brought me. I'm sorry for the challenges you're facing in your life - but as we already know - drinking does nothing but increase our anxiety & solves nothing. Great to have you with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I remember that fear.
I remember being in social situations and fearing somebody else's glass of wine if it was placed too near me.
I used to be filled with fear that one drink, might lead to a blackout.
I remember if I had to walk down the booze aisle in a shop, I felt I had to get away from it as quick as possible.
I didn't belong being in that part of the shop.
I Think a bit of fear is healthy.
It means you are capable of realising where one drink can take you.
With regards to day to day stresses, they became less, the longer I was sober.
I didn't attract the same drama when I stopped drinking.
I have coped with some awful situations recently without drinking.
I never thought I would of if faced with them in the early months.
I also have my mantra that I repeat 'everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end'
Sometimes that would be on repeat in my head, it was the only thing that got me through.
I can share it with you if you want? Xx
I remember being in social situations and fearing somebody else's glass of wine if it was placed too near me.
I used to be filled with fear that one drink, might lead to a blackout.
I remember if I had to walk down the booze aisle in a shop, I felt I had to get away from it as quick as possible.
I didn't belong being in that part of the shop.
I Think a bit of fear is healthy.
It means you are capable of realising where one drink can take you.
With regards to day to day stresses, they became less, the longer I was sober.
I didn't attract the same drama when I stopped drinking.
I have coped with some awful situations recently without drinking.
I never thought I would of if faced with them in the early months.
I also have my mantra that I repeat 'everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end'
Sometimes that would be on repeat in my head, it was the only thing that got me through.
I can share it with you if you want? Xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome truckingon
I remember the fear too. It's been replaced by a surety now. I would no more drink that play on the freeway.
I love my sober life and I'll fight to keep it
You'll find a ton of support and encouragement here
D
I remember the fear too. It's been replaced by a surety now. I would no more drink that play on the freeway.
I love my sober life and I'll fight to keep it
You'll find a ton of support and encouragement here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 46
Thank you all for your considerate and kind words, it is very encouraging. I knew adding SR to my recovery would be helpful. I find it amazing that total strangers would show concern, I guess we are all in this together. Just friends we have not met yet.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. It's a great place for support and camaraderie. I attend AA and have done so for a while. I've only recently decided to work the steps as I was feeling something missing in my recovery. I was feeling uneasy and more thoughts of drinking were popping up. I'm still not very far along in that process but feel better. I also come here, daily. It helps enormously to have a daily outlet.
I think that the fear you're having is healthy because you realize what's at stake. You can work on it in a healthy, constructive way.
I'll see you around
I think that the fear you're having is healthy because you realize what's at stake. You can work on it in a healthy, constructive way.
I'll see you around
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and as so many say WELCOME.
Congratulations on your sober time and attending meetings. I obviously don’t know you so what I post is generalities of what I’ve observed and experienced over a lot of years.
You seem to have a healthy respect of what will happen if you drink and that’s great, too many forget the misery they were in and think they were not that bad or things will be different now.
It is hugely difficult to recover if we relapse as the guilt and shame seem so overwhelming.
It’s usually suggested to talk about stress situations at discussion meetings to get a broad overview of solutions even if we don’t like them. It’s part of sharing and helping others who may be in the same situation.
I personally might suggest going back and concentrate on the first 3 steps until things become “normal.”
BE WELL
Congratulations on your sober time and attending meetings. I obviously don’t know you so what I post is generalities of what I’ve observed and experienced over a lot of years.
You seem to have a healthy respect of what will happen if you drink and that’s great, too many forget the misery they were in and think they were not that bad or things will be different now.
It is hugely difficult to recover if we relapse as the guilt and shame seem so overwhelming.
It’s usually suggested to talk about stress situations at discussion meetings to get a broad overview of solutions even if we don’t like them. It’s part of sharing and helping others who may be in the same situation.
I personally might suggest going back and concentrate on the first 3 steps until things become “normal.”
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
I remind myself often that I am on
a recovery journey in life. Everything
I go thru or have been thru before,
during and after alcohol are my own
experiences.
What you have up till now are your
own. Each and everyday you remain
sober or clean will be experiences,
strengths and hopes that you can
draw on and pass on to those just
entering recovery like you, I and
many others have.
All the information I learned from
day one in rehab that was taught to
me has been applied to my everyday
life. Those steps and principles I learned
has helped me build a strong, solid foundation
to live my life upon for many days Ive
remain sober for 25 yrs.
25 yrs is only a many one days sober
added together one day at a time to
get me where I am today. Healthier,
happier and most of all honest in my
life.
Ive gone thru many changes in my
life since I entered recovery. Those
changes are my experiences, strengths
and hopes collected together over the
yrs.
Listen, learn, absorb and apply all
that you can about your addiction
and its affects on your mind, body
and soul. Then continue to apply all
that knowledge of an affective program
of recovery in all areas of your life.
Today, I am still on my recovery journey
continuing to learn new healthier ways
to enjoy life sober. I continue to use all
those recovery tools taught to me yrs
ago for guidance in all areas of my life.
Faith, a program of recovery, sharing
and passing on my own ESH with others,
progress not perfection, is just a few
important recovery tools I continue to
use on a daily bases to live happy, healthy,
honest in my recovery life.
You can too.
a recovery journey in life. Everything
I go thru or have been thru before,
during and after alcohol are my own
experiences.
What you have up till now are your
own. Each and everyday you remain
sober or clean will be experiences,
strengths and hopes that you can
draw on and pass on to those just
entering recovery like you, I and
many others have.
All the information I learned from
day one in rehab that was taught to
me has been applied to my everyday
life. Those steps and principles I learned
has helped me build a strong, solid foundation
to live my life upon for many days Ive
remain sober for 25 yrs.
25 yrs is only a many one days sober
added together one day at a time to
get me where I am today. Healthier,
happier and most of all honest in my
life.
Ive gone thru many changes in my
life since I entered recovery. Those
changes are my experiences, strengths
and hopes collected together over the
yrs.
Listen, learn, absorb and apply all
that you can about your addiction
and its affects on your mind, body
and soul. Then continue to apply all
that knowledge of an affective program
of recovery in all areas of your life.
Today, I am still on my recovery journey
continuing to learn new healthier ways
to enjoy life sober. I continue to use all
those recovery tools taught to me yrs
ago for guidance in all areas of my life.
Faith, a program of recovery, sharing
and passing on my own ESH with others,
progress not perfection, is just a few
important recovery tools I continue to
use on a daily bases to live happy, healthy,
honest in my recovery life.
You can too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by Truckinon 
I am so scared of what will happen if I start drinking again.
My efforts at recovery may help to make my life suck less, but even if things aren't going well I choose not to drink because the consequences of drinking are so dire.
In a word, your fear can be a good thing, and help take a lot of the struggle to not drink away, even as you struggle with life.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I don't know the specifics of your situation but I do know life can be hard. With my daughter's illness, eventual death, and crushing grief life is not a walk in the park.
I stayed sober through it all by knowing my crippling depression would not last forever, that there was a great sober life was waiting for me, believing staying sober for one day made me a success, taking life a day at a time, continuing to do all of the things I do to stay sober, staying close to AA, and people that care about me.
I would ask myself, "How is drinking going to help me." I could never come up with a way so I never drank.
No matter how bad your life drinking will only make a bad situation worse
I stayed sober through it all by knowing my crippling depression would not last forever, that there was a great sober life was waiting for me, believing staying sober for one day made me a success, taking life a day at a time, continuing to do all of the things I do to stay sober, staying close to AA, and people that care about me.
I would ask myself, "How is drinking going to help me." I could never come up with a way so I never drank.
No matter how bad your life drinking will only make a bad situation worse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 46
Thank you all again, your posts have helped me tremendously. Hearing that others go through similar feelings. MIR you summed up my current situation. I am battling severe depression and anxiety. I have had glimpses of hope when the depression and dark thoughts lift momentarily and this keeps me fighting on. Going to meetings when I don't want to, pushing myself to step through fear and getting one more day of sobriety. I am filled with so much guilt and remorse, it tears me apart, I need to forgive myself for my past.
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