matilda123

Hi, everyone:

I've been off the forums for awhile because I've been drinking again. Not to the levels I was before, but I recognize what is on the horizon.

The reasons I started again are the same as everyone's, I suppose. I drank because I was happy and felt like celebrating my good health news (how twisted is that)? I drank because I was sad and felt like drowning. I drank because I was stressed and felt like numbing.

This morning I just woke up and thought I needed to say out loud, "I'm drinking again and it is a problem."

I hope that all of you are well; I've missed you.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back matilda. Is your plan to quit and start over with sobriety?

doggonecarl

Drinking leads to where it inevitably takes us. Never have I read where the outcome is a good one.

Stick around. Perhaps it will help make this decision to quit your last.

Ruby2

Hi Matilda. Are you wanting to quit and stay stopped?

I've gone through a lot in the past month where I would have loved to escape into the bottle but I've honestly found that I'd rather be sober. I hope you find that too.

biminiblue

I'm glad you're back, matilda.

Day one?

I agree with Scott, too. Stick around and post about everything you're going through. Help others - we need you.

Anna

Hi Matilda,

I'm glad you're back.

You can learn to sit with those feelings and be okay.

matilda123

Honestly, there is a part of me that wants to stay sober, and a part of me that doesn't. Or, at least, a part of me that wants to be able to have a glass of wine at the end of a long day. I know that is BS: that isn't how alcohol works for me, at least not longterm. I also know that I felt great those 6+ months I wasn't drinking. I just feel afraid, I guess. Not sure of what.

matilda123

Yes, I did it before and can do it again. Thank you!

Soberwolf

Hold on dearly to the part that wants to stay sober glad your bk Matilda I missed you too

needtostopthis

Welcome back. I know the feeling. I drank to celebrate my sobriety so many times. How stupid, right? Then drank because i was bored, sad, happy etc. I also woke up and thought to myself what are you doing to your self? Good luck!

entropy1964

That is great that you are recognizing the need to stop before the train wrecks! That is progress, no? Wish I were that smart

Dee74

It's good to see you again matilda - welcome back

do think about what you could do differently this time - this really can be your turning point

D

Hevyn

Hi Matilda. I'm so glad you wanted to come back & share what's going on. We all care & want to help.

PurpleKnight

In the end I drank simply because I was awake and not at work, good times, bad times, a Friday night, a Monday night, it became all the same!!

Parting ways with alcohol for me needed to become an all or nothing decision!!

Go at things again Matilda!! You can do this!!

matilda123

Thanks everyone, for the welcome back and support. I'm going to bed sober tonight: that is a start.

Soberwolf

Good morning Matilda

thomas11

Matilda said: a part of me that wants to be able to have a glass of wine at the end of a long day. I know that is BS: that isn't how alcohol works for me, at least not longterm.

There is your answer. But I get it, I think most of us really genuinely want to be what I guess they call "normies". But we are not, that is why we are here. We believe in you and know you will do the right thing.

matilda123

Good morning! Day off to a good start. Slept well last night and just got back from a two hour walk with the dogs. Now, into the garden.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Bird615

Welcome, back, Matilda!

Part of me didn't want to stop either, but I realized that's the part that doesn't even care if I die. I won't listen to that voice anymore.

Fernaceman

Glad you're here. Many, unfortunately, don't make it back.