QuitForSon

I first quit drinking back in March (the 24th) because I new I had an issue with alcohol, I just didn't realize how bad the problem was/is since I was a so called high functioning alcoholic. I basically did what many overs have done which is quitting for 2 months and feeling great after the poison had left my system, started running and going to the gym, eating good ETC. Then of course I figured I could drink now and then like a so called normal drinker. I really believed like so many others that I could do it even though I read so many threads saying it wont work, I guess everyone thinks they are the exception. Anyways I started drinking now and then and was able to not drink everyday like before quitting so I though hey I can do it but it turns out that the addiction is very sneaky and wanted me to think that so I would get back to my old ways. The addiction almost has me back so that's why I am writing this as I refuse to let it beat me the sneaky bugger. So I am now starting again like so many others.

One thing I noticed is that once I started drinking again I would drink more than I used to and it would be harder to stop for the evening. I am guessing that my addiction was making up for those couple of months without any alcohol. Has anybody else experienced this sort of behavior.

Thanks,
Brian

QuitForSon

I now fully realize that I have a problem thanks to the relapse. Before I just though I had a small issue but know big deal, I guess it takes different things for different people to fully realize and admit they have a problem.

Ruby2

I'm glad you're back. Everyone's experience will be different. When I relapsed after 10.5 months of sobriety, I immediately went back to daily drinking but I didn't drink as much as I had before. I still drank abnormally - a six pack of beer a night or two bottles of wine a night, but that was still less than a six pack AND a bottle or two of wine a night.

What I've found helpful is writing out a list of how my life was unmanageable while I was drinking. I have divided it into work, personal, financial. Each of those areas were impacted. I also have a mental gratitude list that I revisit.

Keep coming on here. Keep posting. Keep reaching out. Bump up your game if you want to stay quit.

JaneLane

For sure, it definitely takes different things for different people and it's good you are here.

I tried moderation for a long time and during any short periods of sobriety, I was absolutely obsessed with alcohol. I romanticised it so much and unsurprisingly, if I was able to have 2 drinks and stop, I used that one occasion as a good reason to resume drinking regularly like a "normal" person.

I really recommend reading through the amazing stuff on this website as I'm sure you'll be able to relate to a lot and that's helped me on my sober journey.

BeanSkillet

What you posted about feeling good and thinking you can control your drinking is a common theme around here. It's funny how easily we forget or downplay the destruction of our past and end up slipping because of it. It just happened to me very recently.

I also notice that when I go back to drinking it's like making up for lost time. It's really scary and I know if I go back again it's only a matter of time before I really face some serious consequences. Stay strong in your resolve and stick around.

endlesspatience

Thanks for sharing this and thanks to Ruby for her response, which I think is really supportive. I think you could find it very helpful to review the impact drinking was having on your life before you stopped the first time, noting all the consequences for money, relationships, health etc. Then you could do the same thing for any negative consequences it has had more recently.

Write it down here and share with us if you like. Sometimes that gives a little extra accountability which is useful.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan

Carver

Yep, I think we all know what that's like...we've all done it.

Do you go to AA, SMART, anything? My recovery comprises a little bit of everything that's suggested by others here. SR itself is a massively powerful tool for me.

FreeOwl

I'm glad you're back....

and thank you for the reminder.

Even as I approach two years clean and sober, I find myself with some regularity having the odd thought that "maybe I can drink now and then"....

"Maybe I can find a balance"....

"Maybe if I were to ONLY drink on 'special occasions'... just ONE, here and there"

It's really baffling how powerful that sneaky bugger AV can be. Because here I am.... almost two years into the direct evidence of how much better my life is sober.... with the benefit of just about 4 years ago having been sober for 5 months, started drinking again and plunging into a 1.5 year binge.... and STILL I have these thoughts!!

But now I recognize what they are - they are vestigial thoughts, coming from the part of my brain that became conditioned to the addiction, conditioned to respond to life by self-medication. They are not ME. They are not something I need to listen to. They are merely passing thoughts of a conditioned portion of my mind.

Now I see them arise and I call them out. Or I respond to them with "Sure, maybe... but it's not worth it to me". Or "That's ridiculous...". Or - merely a smile and a chuckle. "Oh... there's THAT thought again...."

The good news is you're here and you're taking action in the right direction. You don't need to be a slave to those thoughts.... hang with us!!

ScottFromWI

Absolutely, the progression of the drinking and the disease seems to always get worse, never better. The withdrawals can get progressively worse too.

Glad you are here seeking help, you can make this be the last time you have to worry about such things!

ccam1973

Brian, sorry you have to come back under these circumstances, but glad you aren't giving up.

What's your plan? I was in the same boat during my last relapse. I had to sit down and really figure out why I was failing. And when I say "failing", I mean failing as a husband, dad, friend, person, etc. When I was drinking I was selfishly starving everyone else but my addiction.

I had to give in to the notion that I was done with drinking, forever. No little crack in the door for tomorrow, done for good. Nothing good can ever come from me taking one more drink. I firmly believe one more drink will lead to my end.

Plans are good and acting on those plans is what keeps me sober today.

Stay close to SR, come up with a plan, figure out if you need additional support and most of all, don't drink today.

We are here for you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Brian!!

Yeap my drinking would spiral and progress, things were getting worse and worse, but we can draw a line in the sand and say no more, we can write a new future chapter to our lives!!

sg1970

Thank you for posting this and glad your back.

Dee74

I think most of us can identify with our drinking getting worse, for sure.
Welcome back QFS

D

QuitForSon

Well yesterday my day 1 (again) was a bit tough, the AV was bugging me non stop as is to be expected when committing to stop drinking. I did not give in and went for a run in the evening to occupy myself then made some food for myself and my son and we chatted about the new school year starting next week which was quite nice,he is 10 going into grade 5. I like many others have realized that I need to keep busy as one of my big triggers is boredom.

Soberwolf

ScottFromWI

Glad you made it through, good job on finding some alternative activities to keep you busy. This thread is an oldie but a goodie, and definitely worth a read regarding things to do

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

I personally found that I had to get away from thinking about different events/occurences in my life as "triggers". Our alcoholism is interwoven into every facet of our life....and the real solution is to find a way to live every day and do everything we do without alcohol. There will always be potential "triggers" no matter where you go or what you do, so just identifying them and avoiding them is not a sustainable long-term solution. Obviously it's not a great idea to hang out in bars or other outright drinking environments, but learning how to live every day knowing that alcohol simply isn't part of my life anymore and that you are OK with it was the key for me.

DriGuy

I suppose the "worse than I thought" aspect of our drinking hits most of us. For me it was a pivotal insight. I have heard some alcoholics say, they fully admitted they had a problem, but just didn't care enough to do anything about it. I realized my problem when I tried to reign it in after a DUI, and found out that I couldn't. The idea of actually being addicted was much worse than believing I was drinking by choice. I fumbled around with attempts to moderate for a year or so, before committing myself to abstinence. Basically, I just relapsed every night before I put it away seriously and for good.

As alcoholics, we can spend hours understanding our disease, finding our way, fumbling, relapsing, failing, and trying again. We make a big production out of recovery, but sometimes I jokingly describe our lot as just "acting like a bunch of idiots." OK, that maybe an oversimplification for us alcoholics. It maybe too simple for even those who like to remind everyone to "keep it simple."

Buy you know, I believe (possibly without justification) that some alcoholics just decide to quit acting like idiots. We don't hear from them much. They just quit on their own without all the fal-der-rahl, and don't seem to act like it's worth talking about.

Fortunately, for those of us who can't make it that simple, there are workable alternatives that actually do help. I'm guilty of needing the extra foo-fah too. I have to analyze myself to death, cross reference experiences with others, and discard or add things. I was just not able to put the plug in the jug and get on with my life. I can't seem to keep it that simple.

Dee74

Just so everyone knows this is a 2015 thread - nothing wrong with posting in it, but you may not get a reply from the OP.

D