Tansy

So exah has had his detox. Along with it he has had a clean bill of health. In fact it is fair to say he is fitter then I am despite being on death's door 2 weeks ago. I know this is true as he showed me his blood work report and hospital discharge letter. No justice at all. He isn't drinking again yet afaik but now he has found out there is no lasting damage he will cos he has "got away with it." He asked to see the boys. I discussed it with them and they agreed to see him. I partly agreed to it cos he needed to sign a letter he has sat on for 5 weeks agreeing to me having the boy's benefits and unless he did I would have been waiting 16 weeks for any money for them. He refused to sign it unless I let him see them but he didn't say it like that. He said he didn't understand how to fill the form in so had to see me to do it. I know he was manipulating me but we need the money.

So we met him at Mac Donalds. I made him sign the letter first and took it off him to post. It was a strange meeting. He talked non -stop about his detox, gave chapter and verse about each day he was in the hospital. He repeated himself several times to the extent one of my boys asked if he could change the subject already. His response was "Oh I must tell you this first." and he carried on. He then asked where we live? The boys wanted to show him ( probably to get him off the detox chat) so we went. He's in a wheelchair but managed to walk up 7 flights of stairs. He thought our flat was lovely. The fact it is tiny, in a dubious part of town, with very dubious neighbours and he is living in the family home of 6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms by himself bypassed him. In fact I think the whole of life has bypassed him.

He left pretty quickly and my son remarked he's really selfish and lazy, mum and he only asked to see us cos he wants you to do things for him. Out of the mouth of babes. lol

This is uncharted territory for me and I have no idea if or how to proceed if there is a next time. ( if he hits the bottle again we won't hear from him) He has no interest in anything except himself and telling me how to bring up the boys like he is some kind of expert cos he has had 2 weeks off the booze. I don't want to see him but cos of the boys autism he can't see them alone. They are too old for a contact center and none of my other children speak to him anymore so them being present is not an option either. I am not even sure the boys want to see him tbh but neither will admit it.

I feel like I have gone backwards. He is my ex. He is an ex for a reason and I was more then happy to have him out of my life but he is also the father of my boys. :/ I don't like this wobbly feeling am getting again or the anger at how self centered and completely lacking in common decency he is. I don't want to play happy families or listen to his bull every week. I don't want to do any of it.

Hawkeye13

He'll be drinking again within the week, if he runs true to form.

I wouldn't worry about it Tansy--he thinks he "got by" physically but the damage is there and you know it.

When will you get the benefits?

hopeful4

Agree with Hawkeye! Minimum amounts of contact!

Tansy

Am not sure Hawkeye. It will probably be another month or so. We are managing. Years of him drinking the money means I can knock up a meal with two potatoes and a hunk of moldy cheese lol. Contact wise my feeling is, now I have thought about it, if I carry on refusing to enable him he will stop wanting any. He only ever does what is in it for him.