Recovering addict dumped me via text
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 15
Recovering addict dumped me via text
Hi Ive been reading other's posts and have seen great support. I want to share my story as well.
My boyfriend and I met through his dad. I am 25 he is 28 we have been great for 1.5 years. His dad had a July 4th party with the fam and my bf acted out. I was drinking too but not like that. He was rude to me in front of his fam. His fam called him out on it and he responded by looking into my eyes saying its just Tyler. Thats my name. Lol. I took his car and went home. I could t watch him embarras himself or me any longer. The next day i returned his car and planned on ending the relationship. The last 2 months of it i felt like he was cheating anyway...then he told me everything. Hes been going on drinking cole and gambling binges w his buddies and admitted to lying about and hiding drinks from me. He even drank a month old cheap wine at my house that was uncorked. He was so honest and humble i felt like i couldnt ditch him now. So we have been on a weird break while hes getting sober i hope. Once a week i would text him. Sometimes to express how much i love him and pray for him sometimes to just see how hes doing.
I was in limbo. I felt like we were over but he was saying he only wants to be with me but hes like a baby right now and staying sober is an on going personal battle for him. He needs a structured life right now. Im not crazy but im fun, random and dramatic at times. He didnt want to break up. I didnt either. At this time i was still confused and learning about addictiob through reaearch ans al non meetings. I also began to get closer to God by reading my bible every other day. Iknew in Gods wisdom i should be patient. I thought i was being supportive with my long text messages of love and all kinds of unsettle emotions lol
He would always respond thanks for the support this is weird or sad for me too. ...
So he asked me out to dinner I said yes when I had time. There is a back story. Because of his addiction or just plain neglect ive been asking for the same gift for 2 months and havent recieved it. Just a bottle of perfume. I could get myself but i wanted from him. My birthday and our anniversary are close together. He asked me what i wanted both days. He also would make small promises and gestures hust to go back on them.
So he said he couldnt lose if he took me to get crab (i love crab) i said well you would really win if we could go on a nice long walk and you get me the gift ive been asking for.
2 hours before our date he dumped me calling me shallow and saying he didnt wanna see that bad anyway and that hes not into this relationship????? I was not sad for us I was angry and sad for him. It was weird i hope he wasnt using again.
We talked about marriage even our families adored us together. I talked to his mom she didnt even know about his recovery. She said just three weeks prior to this break up he was bragging about me and saying how hes gonna see me everyweekend(he had just moved 40 mins away).
Im confused hurt and worried. But instead of ejecting him from my heart i am practicing detached love and fearless love as Jesus taught.
Do you think he is just going through tough times and will return. Idk if its over. I have faith it isnt. Because i prayed for this man and recieved him.
Hes a great guy thats why my fam his fam and my freinds were so confused by this more than upset. He is talented and determined. Wakes up early to do hw and workout before work he is so inspiring. I want him to be the man he wants to be and i want him to be my.man one day.
Thanks for reading
Tyler J
My boyfriend and I met through his dad. I am 25 he is 28 we have been great for 1.5 years. His dad had a July 4th party with the fam and my bf acted out. I was drinking too but not like that. He was rude to me in front of his fam. His fam called him out on it and he responded by looking into my eyes saying its just Tyler. Thats my name. Lol. I took his car and went home. I could t watch him embarras himself or me any longer. The next day i returned his car and planned on ending the relationship. The last 2 months of it i felt like he was cheating anyway...then he told me everything. Hes been going on drinking cole and gambling binges w his buddies and admitted to lying about and hiding drinks from me. He even drank a month old cheap wine at my house that was uncorked. He was so honest and humble i felt like i couldnt ditch him now. So we have been on a weird break while hes getting sober i hope. Once a week i would text him. Sometimes to express how much i love him and pray for him sometimes to just see how hes doing.
I was in limbo. I felt like we were over but he was saying he only wants to be with me but hes like a baby right now and staying sober is an on going personal battle for him. He needs a structured life right now. Im not crazy but im fun, random and dramatic at times. He didnt want to break up. I didnt either. At this time i was still confused and learning about addictiob through reaearch ans al non meetings. I also began to get closer to God by reading my bible every other day. Iknew in Gods wisdom i should be patient. I thought i was being supportive with my long text messages of love and all kinds of unsettle emotions lol
He would always respond thanks for the support this is weird or sad for me too. ...
So he asked me out to dinner I said yes when I had time. There is a back story. Because of his addiction or just plain neglect ive been asking for the same gift for 2 months and havent recieved it. Just a bottle of perfume. I could get myself but i wanted from him. My birthday and our anniversary are close together. He asked me what i wanted both days. He also would make small promises and gestures hust to go back on them.
So he said he couldnt lose if he took me to get crab (i love crab) i said well you would really win if we could go on a nice long walk and you get me the gift ive been asking for.
2 hours before our date he dumped me calling me shallow and saying he didnt wanna see that bad anyway and that hes not into this relationship????? I was not sad for us I was angry and sad for him. It was weird i hope he wasnt using again.
We talked about marriage even our families adored us together. I talked to his mom she didnt even know about his recovery. She said just three weeks prior to this break up he was bragging about me and saying how hes gonna see me everyweekend(he had just moved 40 mins away).
Im confused hurt and worried. But instead of ejecting him from my heart i am practicing detached love and fearless love as Jesus taught.
Do you think he is just going through tough times and will return. Idk if its over. I have faith it isnt. Because i prayed for this man and recieved him.
Hes a great guy thats why my fam his fam and my freinds were so confused by this more than upset. He is talented and determined. Wakes up early to do hw and workout before work he is so inspiring. I want him to be the man he wants to be and i want him to be my.man one day.
Thanks for reading
Tyler J
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 15
They wont let me edit. But i wanted to add that he has the potential to be a great husband one day. He enjoys making me happy and receiving the credit as he calls it lol ive never been uncompfortable expressing my feelings even if im unsure of them. After his bingges he would be open and te me he has an addictive personality and all i could do was listen because he had to figure this out on his own. I always forgave him. This happened about 3 or 4 times ..this first one valentines day bc he pissed me off that day. Another story though. I wasnt perfect and held back plenty of feelings some i didnt realize how to articulate until reading the bible.
I told him im here and his family n friends love him when he feels alone...after i gave him a pg 13 chastising for breaking up with my like that.
I told him im here and his family n friends love him when he feels alone...after i gave him a pg 13 chastising for breaking up with my like that.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 151
Unfortunately potential is different than reality. Who he is being...and who he has been is a better indicator of the husband he will be. You know the old saying "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."
You should worry about yourself right now and let him straighten out his life. It's difficult, I know.
You should worry about yourself right now and let him straighten out his life. It's difficult, I know.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
A person who would end a two plus year relationship with a text so unkindly is not someone you want in your life as a boyfriend, husband, or father to your children.
I know it hurts, but it looks like this person has other issues besides addiction.
I know it hurts, but it looks like this person has other issues besides addiction.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
Sadly, I know from personal experience and hindsight that, although it's very difficult to walk away from someone who lays out all their issues on the table in a way which feels honest and humble - that's exactly what you need to do. That is, unless you want to keep lying, deceit, gambling and drinking as part of your life.
Your prayer won't change him, though it WILL help you detach from him and concentrate on your own spiritual development if you let it.
It's a very seductive myth that you can change another person with the power of your love and care, but it really doesn't work in real life. You've no doubt looked at the life stories on here of people who've tried to do just that - in the vain hope that their partner will see the error of their ways and stop hurting them.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this pain, but if he doesn't return there will hopefully come a time when you realise that you've been spared a life of heartache.
(((HUGS)))
Your prayer won't change him, though it WILL help you detach from him and concentrate on your own spiritual development if you let it.
It's a very seductive myth that you can change another person with the power of your love and care, but it really doesn't work in real life. You've no doubt looked at the life stories on here of people who've tried to do just that - in the vain hope that their partner will see the error of their ways and stop hurting them.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this pain, but if he doesn't return there will hopefully come a time when you realise that you've been spared a life of heartache.
(((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
My husband of 18 years broke up with me in an email...so I hear ya...
My XAH knew that his displays of humble apology would keep me from acting for my own good. He was so talented at convincing me to accept less than I should--the words "I have an addictive personality" should have been a warning to me...he sure does have one, and he was never able to be the partner I deserved, or the father he needed to be. His circles of good and bad became wider, and "badder"...twenty years later when he left I had just moved across the country with him with our two bewildered crying preteen boys who I wish with all my soul I could have spared from his behavior. He is a smart, talented man who worked out every day and went to work every day...but lived well short of "who I knew he could be". (He has since declined significantly.)
I prayed, I forgave, I loved. It helped me, but not him. I can't do any of that for him and his potential.
My biggest lesson was to pretend words didn't exist. Persuasive words we want to believe cloud the feelings our body is experiencing in reality. If you judge your situation based solely on actions, what would you see?
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you find some peace...
My XAH knew that his displays of humble apology would keep me from acting for my own good. He was so talented at convincing me to accept less than I should--the words "I have an addictive personality" should have been a warning to me...he sure does have one, and he was never able to be the partner I deserved, or the father he needed to be. His circles of good and bad became wider, and "badder"...twenty years later when he left I had just moved across the country with him with our two bewildered crying preteen boys who I wish with all my soul I could have spared from his behavior. He is a smart, talented man who worked out every day and went to work every day...but lived well short of "who I knew he could be". (He has since declined significantly.)
I prayed, I forgave, I loved. It helped me, but not him. I can't do any of that for him and his potential.
My biggest lesson was to pretend words didn't exist. Persuasive words we want to believe cloud the feelings our body is experiencing in reality. If you judge your situation based solely on actions, what would you see?
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you find some peace...
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 137
Dear Tyj
From the little you posted, it sounds like he is way NOT READY for what it takes to make a relationship work. He's got too much homework and ground to break with himself before he builds any kind of house for two.
You don't go and say those things, say one thing and turn around and break it off. He doesn't know what he wants, because he still doesn't have his head on straight but is intoxicating himself with the addictions and is nowhere close to working on the real deep issues that are underneath causing all that chaos.
This is one person you are going to have to "hand over to God"
completely pray to put him in God's hands, remove him and any attachment you have to him from your heart and let God carry this one for you.
Think of it like turning the car keys over to the auto shop and letting them do their work. if this car is meant to be yours, it will come back to you in good shape. And if takes too long to overhaul, then you may end up getting a better car and leaving this one for someone else it is intended for.
Put your faith in God and stick to what is unconditional. If all your hopes and dreams are attached to "conditions that he does X Y Z' forget it. That's not unconditional. We need to love one another with God's heart and God's love and not our human desires that have all those expectations attached. That's how hearts get broken, until we learn to love with God's heart not our own.
If you must give up what you thought you wanted, God will give you something better. Just keep praying with forgiveness of anything causing attachment, and God will answer and bless you with the wisdom and understanding you need to find peace of mind and fulfillment. May you always feel loved no matter what you go through, so you don't depend on conditions to feel that.
From the little you posted, it sounds like he is way NOT READY for what it takes to make a relationship work. He's got too much homework and ground to break with himself before he builds any kind of house for two.
You don't go and say those things, say one thing and turn around and break it off. He doesn't know what he wants, because he still doesn't have his head on straight but is intoxicating himself with the addictions and is nowhere close to working on the real deep issues that are underneath causing all that chaos.
This is one person you are going to have to "hand over to God"
completely pray to put him in God's hands, remove him and any attachment you have to him from your heart and let God carry this one for you.
Think of it like turning the car keys over to the auto shop and letting them do their work. if this car is meant to be yours, it will come back to you in good shape. And if takes too long to overhaul, then you may end up getting a better car and leaving this one for someone else it is intended for.
Put your faith in God and stick to what is unconditional. If all your hopes and dreams are attached to "conditions that he does X Y Z' forget it. That's not unconditional. We need to love one another with God's heart and God's love and not our human desires that have all those expectations attached. That's how hearts get broken, until we learn to love with God's heart not our own.
If you must give up what you thought you wanted, God will give you something better. Just keep praying with forgiveness of anything causing attachment, and God will answer and bless you with the wisdom and understanding you need to find peace of mind and fulfillment. May you always feel loved no matter what you go through, so you don't depend on conditions to feel that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by emilynghiem 
Dear Tyj
From the little you posted, it sounds like he is way NOT READY for what it takes to make a relationship work. He's got too much homework and ground to break with himself before he builds any kind of house for two.
You don't go and say those things, say one thing and turn around and break it off. He doesn't know what he wants, because he still doesn't have his head on straight but is intoxicating himself with the addictions and is nowhere close to working on the real deep issues that are underneath causing all that chaos.
This is one person you are going to have to "hand over to God"
completely pray to put him in God's hands, remove him and any attachment you have to him from your heart and let God carry this one for you.
Think of it like turning the car keys over to the auto shop and letting them do their work. if this car is meant to be yours, it will come back to you in good shape. And if takes too long to overhaul, then you may end up getting a better car and leaving this one for someone else it is intended for.
Put your faith in God and stick to what is unconditional. If all your hopes and dreams are attached to "conditions that he does X Y Z' forget it. That's not unconditional. We need to love one another with God's heart and God's love and not our human desires that have all those expectations attached. That's how hearts get broken, until we learn to love with God's heart not our own.
If you must give up what you thought you wanted, God will give you something better. Just keep praying with forgiveness of anything causing attachment, and God will answer and bless you with the wisdom and understanding you need to find peace of mind and fulfillment. May you always feel loved no matter what you go through, so you don't depend on conditions to feel that.
From the little you posted, it sounds like he is way NOT READY for what it takes to make a relationship work. He's got too much homework and ground to break with himself before he builds any kind of house for two.
You don't go and say those things, say one thing and turn around and break it off. He doesn't know what he wants, because he still doesn't have his head on straight but is intoxicating himself with the addictions and is nowhere close to working on the real deep issues that are underneath causing all that chaos.
This is one person you are going to have to "hand over to God"
completely pray to put him in God's hands, remove him and any attachment you have to him from your heart and let God carry this one for you.
Think of it like turning the car keys over to the auto shop and letting them do their work. if this car is meant to be yours, it will come back to you in good shape. And if takes too long to overhaul, then you may end up getting a better car and leaving this one for someone else it is intended for.
Put your faith in God and stick to what is unconditional. If all your hopes and dreams are attached to "conditions that he does X Y Z' forget it. That's not unconditional. We need to love one another with God's heart and God's love and not our human desires that have all those expectations attached. That's how hearts get broken, until we learn to love with God's heart not our own.
If you must give up what you thought you wanted, God will give you something better. Just keep praying with forgiveness of anything causing attachment, and God will answer and bless you with the wisdom and understanding you need to find peace of mind and fulfillment. May you always feel loved no matter what you go through, so you don't depend on conditions to feel that.
I am on the path of letting go and it feels good. While letting go i cry for him at church to God and pray he enters his heart some how.
I also think that its ok to have expectations from some one you are intamate with in order to maintain a healthy relationship of any kind like cause and effect...unless its family bc thats not always a choice. Lol. But we can protect our selves while loving at the same time. Thats what i am working on now.
Thanks i love reading everyones response. Its so nice to have support. My friends dont take it that seriously bc they think hes coming back and i havent been mopey about it. But inside i feel it sometimes.
Im going on a blind date soon lol so this will be interesting..and new
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