JerryFish

This is me being home after spending time with family. Getting on anti-depressants. Staying sober.

Now I'm home and pretty drunk. Nothing seems to work. What do you do when nothing works?

I've had so many beers. And I don't care anymore. I will have many more. My mindset right now is that I'm ok with dying from alcoholism.

Sorry... I failed again. I'm an humiliation.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Sorry to hear you are drinking Jerry.

You indicated nothing seems to work... so what steps have you taken in your recovery this far?

JerryFish

I've tried it on my own. Didn't work. Then I went to family to stay away from alcohol. And it wasn't even on my mind, I just had fun. During that period I was seeing a therapist.

When I got home, the first day went well. The second day the cravings kicked in, which is today. I couldn't resist and I'm back to being a drunk...

If all of the above doesn't help, is there hope? Or do some people just don't make it?

Anna

Jerry, that is your disease telling you that you're fine dying from alcoholism. That is not you. Something will work and you can figure out what it is and you are worth the hard work you will put into becoming sober.

Dee74

Have you thought of a meeting based recovery group like AA or something Jerry?

Is rehab an option?

Even just posting here more when the cravings hit could help?

The longer you drink the harder it is to come back.
You say you don't care but you very clearly do.

Feed that part. Don't buy any more booze.
Nip this in the bud....even it means calling your family again.

D

saoutchik

You only fail when you stop trying.

Since you took the trouble to go to your parents. Since you were taking medication it would appear that you have relapsed but not given up.

I know that in your earlier posts you said you didn't want to be dependent on your parents as a support group which is a good long term ambition but why not lean on them for a while longer.

JerryFish

You know Anna, at this point I don't care about being worth it anymore. Whether or not I am, it makes no difference. I know it's the disease speaking but it has taken me over. And I don't know if there's something that will work. Maybe for some people, nothing does.

I got the best results from just going cold turkey and forgetting about it. Maybe I'll give that a shot again. But I'm at a very low point here.

NestWasEmpty

Jerry I thought the same thing at the last end . There was & still is alcoholic's all around me . I seen no way out but to just die with them !
The problem with that way of thinking ( this will be harsh ) have you thought about the " slow , painful" way it could happen ?
One of my close's friends laid in a hosp. for 3 weeks , bloating & suffering . His wake call came to late
None are any better then the rest None . Reconsider before your body almost gives out !!

JerryFish

To be honest, I really don't care anymore. Yeah, rehab is possible. Many things are possible. But when I come back to my place, all alone, I will want to drink. I can't resist it.

Going to bed...

PurpleKnight

For me doing it on my own never worked either, my mind would eventually grind me down, my own will power and good intentions only got me soo far.

Instead I needed some support, but when I say that it doesn't mean simply being signed up to SR or being over with family, it means utilising that support BEFORE picking up that drink.

Where is the alcohol coming from? as long as I was in my house with no alcohol, not hanging out with anyone with any alcohol, there was a good chance I would stay Sober if all I was doing was logging onto SR each evening, others use meetings or other face to face methods of support, but whatever works, maybe those are something to consider!!

You can do this Jerry, but it's gonna take some radical changes and decisions, I guarentee you haven't tried everything, there's always more options!!

ItWillBeWorthIt

There is LOTS of hope you will get sober and stay sober - you are still here posting and looking for ways that will work Jerry.

If you stayed at your parents could you also see your therapist... and could you see him/her more often? How about a few group meetings face-to-face whether it is AA or small group meetings that a therapist facilitates.

Maybe posting here daily, each morning check in... check in throughout the day and evening.

How about posting on the Gratitude forums here... sharing gratitude each day really helps of me.

Practicing Mindfulness and Mediation may also help. Reading self-help books.

The most important thing is to NEVER give up Jerry. You will get this and your life will be so much better.

soberclover

It's hard to care when alcohol is in your system. Stop drinking and drink some water and get some rest. Things will feel different when you have a clear mind. You will figure this out

ScottFromWI

Thinks will look a lot better when you aren't drunk Jerry. Get some rest and come back tomorrow....you can and have done this.

sva777

We all know there are some people who never come back from the edge, this doesn't have to be you. You want help and it is here for you.

I have cravings still at times, especially after a long brutal stressful day. I take it moment by moment and have set up things to do to take my mind off cravings. They do subside as long as you don't feed them.

Dee74

I really hope you'll come back to this thread tomorrow before you think about drinking again, Jerry.

You deserve better, man.

D

Marcher13

Jerry I hope you come back to this thread too. I care about you, a lot of us do.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Good Morning Jerry... I really hope you make this your Day1. Look forward to hearing from you.

sva777

Jerry, how are you?

thomas11

Thinking about you Jerry, hope you check in soon. Get help if you can, your posts sound like you are in a delicate place.

Hevyn

Me too Jerry - was hoping to see you check in today. Please don't give up on yourself. We aren't going to.