How do you leave?
Danielle G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 13
How do you leave?
Tonight I'm having a tough time. My husband is moving out this weekend and I'm really sad (short version: we've been married almost two years, he's an alcoholic, got out of rehab 2 months ago and has relapsed a number of times, most recently last Friday). Has anyone else kicked their spouse out AND survived? How? I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest! I want this to be the beginning of things between me and my husband, but I am so afraid that it is the ending. I know this is the right thing to do - for him to sort things out for himself, but I didn't realize it was going to be this hard. I have never hurt this much. Thanks for listening. Danielle G.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
Danielle
I am soo sorry I know how bad you must be hurting. I wish I could say it is going to be easy but it isn't. Take this time to focus on you and reconnect with yourself. I realized not to long ago that I was letting my A's addiction run my life and I was letting everything scare me from going for my dreams I am thankfull now that I had some time alone to reconnect with them it was hard at first and I was real depressed then I got tired of staying in the house and doing nothing that I started to get out of the house to do anything. Then God put some wonderful people in my path (some of them were strangers) and it has been like I could hear God speaking to me also and hunny when I hear him it is something amazing for me. I have decided to do what I need to do to fix me and trust God with the rest . When you do that either one of two things is going to happen the other person will get inspired to fix themself or they will walk away either way you are better off. God has a plan for all of us we just have to be willing to accept it.Prayers for you and your husband.
Rose
I am soo sorry I know how bad you must be hurting. I wish I could say it is going to be easy but it isn't. Take this time to focus on you and reconnect with yourself. I realized not to long ago that I was letting my A's addiction run my life and I was letting everything scare me from going for my dreams I am thankfull now that I had some time alone to reconnect with them it was hard at first and I was real depressed then I got tired of staying in the house and doing nothing that I started to get out of the house to do anything. Then God put some wonderful people in my path (some of them were strangers) and it has been like I could hear God speaking to me also and hunny when I hear him it is something amazing for me. I have decided to do what I need to do to fix me and trust God with the rest . When you do that either one of two things is going to happen the other person will get inspired to fix themself or they will walk away either way you are better off. God has a plan for all of us we just have to be willing to accept it.Prayers for you and your husband.
Rose
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
((Danielle))
I can't tell you that there is a way to do this that is easy. But reaching out can help. Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings? I needed a lot of support to begin my recovery. Al-Anon meetings gave me a focus, support, tools to help me deal. It taught me how to be responsible for me. I never had many friends that were close. I needed that in my life. Now I have true friends that help me through my stuggles, and sometimes I get to help them.
Letting go of someone, even if we know it is the right thing, is hard. But we can face our fear, and become stronger if we have the love and support we need to do it. Keep posting here. There are so many people who understand what you are going through. You aren't alone.
To find an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and select Find a Meeting. Hugs, Magic
I can't tell you that there is a way to do this that is easy. But reaching out can help. Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings? I needed a lot of support to begin my recovery. Al-Anon meetings gave me a focus, support, tools to help me deal. It taught me how to be responsible for me. I never had many friends that were close. I needed that in my life. Now I have true friends that help me through my stuggles, and sometimes I get to help them.
Letting go of someone, even if we know it is the right thing, is hard. But we can face our fear, and become stronger if we have the love and support we need to do it. Keep posting here. There are so many people who understand what you are going through. You aren't alone.
To find an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and select Find a Meeting. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: A very sad place
Posts: 115
Danielle
I am still struggling with the fact that my AH left after 25 years of marriage. There are days when I don't think I am going to survive the pain. On those days I spend a lot of time on this site with all of my new friends. There is wisdom here. Come back often.
Kat
I am still struggling with the fact that my AH left after 25 years of marriage. There are days when I don't think I am going to survive the pain. On those days I spend a lot of time on this site with all of my new friends. There is wisdom here. Come back often.
Kat
Danielle G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 13
Today he signed his lease and apparently he is staying at the apartment tonight without any furniture (he's moving out furniture tomorrow). I feel completely miserable. I've been reading a lot of postings on this site and that has helped out tremendously. It's amazing how much my life mirrors the lives of others going through this - the hopeless and despair, the things my husband says to me (how it's all about me, it's whatever I want, I flip-flop on everything I say, he can't trust me, I don't keep my word...). And the names (when he's drunk)- usually bitch or *****. I'm tired of being called names. So I guess it is good that he is moving out.
This will be my last posting under dkstinem00 - my AH has figured out my screen name (not that it was all that difficult).
Hi Brady.
This will be my last posting under dkstinem00 - my AH has figured out my screen name (not that it was all that difficult).
Hi Brady.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Danielle- PM me if you want to talk. You can email me too. I asked my husband of 7 years (been together 10 yrs) to leave and get help a little over 2 months ago. I am here if you need to talk to someone that has gone thru some of what you are going thru right now. It really is hard, but what I have found out is this...
It is lonely, but what comes out of the quiet and lack of chaos is an understanding about where you have been and what you have put yourself thru with him and the alcohol. You have lost so much of yourself even if you don't know it yet. Try Al Anon, or even a good personal counselor (My counselor has been a great support) One thing I figured out once he was gone is that alot of my "reasons" for staying with an alcoholic had NOTHING to do with "he is a great guy when sober" like I used to tell my self....it is just that they are SO terrible drunk that we think they are great when they "throw us a bone"... We are worth more than that...so much more! Hang in there and my email is [email protected] if you want to talk.
Diane
It is lonely, but what comes out of the quiet and lack of chaos is an understanding about where you have been and what you have put yourself thru with him and the alcohol. You have lost so much of yourself even if you don't know it yet. Try Al Anon, or even a good personal counselor (My counselor has been a great support) One thing I figured out once he was gone is that alot of my "reasons" for staying with an alcoholic had NOTHING to do with "he is a great guy when sober" like I used to tell my self....it is just that they are SO terrible drunk that we think they are great when they "throw us a bone"... We are worth more than that...so much more! Hang in there and my email is [email protected] if you want to talk.
Diane
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
(((((Danielle))))))
First, I changed my screen name too. My ASO watched the pc like a hawk.
Second, as to AH/SO's leaving....It is very hard in some ways and easy in others. But mostly hard. Cause they give you glimpses of what it could be. But it won't be. Plus I think I have work to do on me. IF I was in a healthier place, I wouldn't be so upset and lonely.
I don't know how old you are...young I am presuming. I stayed with my first husband......for a long time......no a-ism involved, just misery. Why did I do that? 1/2 my life was spent in misery?? I love myself more now. Plus you hit middle age and your perspective changes.
I am trying to live my life in happiness and peace. I miss my ASO...he's still moving his stuff out. I think he is doing it slowly to punish me. He knows it's hard for me to be around him. And he is probably secretly hoping I will change my mind. He also doens't want to go. And at times neither do I. I feel like a yo-yo. But this time he's going for good. It is hard to believe that the drinking is so much of the problem. Frankly...I THINK it is. Since he never STOPS drinking........how can you tell? I just know...first thing in the morning, when things are calm and he is drinking his COFFEE....i like my life. After 12:00 noon when the beer can popping begins.......my life goes down hill dramatically and he can't see it at all. He rarely gets drunk. But things change after that first one it seems sometimes. I don't know there really is no real pattern. Things change daily...chaos....trauma....fights....paranoia..... hurt feeling.....and on and on.
take care of you now. you deserve it. really.......i'm going to try to find another al-anon meeting soon. I need to go. Im reading a lot too. Melodie Beattie lives with me in my bedroom!! I think I have all of her books now.
First, I changed my screen name too. My ASO watched the pc like a hawk.
Second, as to AH/SO's leaving....It is very hard in some ways and easy in others. But mostly hard. Cause they give you glimpses of what it could be. But it won't be. Plus I think I have work to do on me. IF I was in a healthier place, I wouldn't be so upset and lonely.
I don't know how old you are...young I am presuming. I stayed with my first husband......for a long time......no a-ism involved, just misery. Why did I do that? 1/2 my life was spent in misery?? I love myself more now. Plus you hit middle age and your perspective changes.
I am trying to live my life in happiness and peace. I miss my ASO...he's still moving his stuff out. I think he is doing it slowly to punish me. He knows it's hard for me to be around him. And he is probably secretly hoping I will change my mind. He also doens't want to go. And at times neither do I. I feel like a yo-yo. But this time he's going for good. It is hard to believe that the drinking is so much of the problem. Frankly...I THINK it is. Since he never STOPS drinking........how can you tell? I just know...first thing in the morning, when things are calm and he is drinking his COFFEE....i like my life. After 12:00 noon when the beer can popping begins.......my life goes down hill dramatically and he can't see it at all. He rarely gets drunk. But things change after that first one it seems sometimes. I don't know there really is no real pattern. Things change daily...chaos....trauma....fights....paranoia..... hurt feeling.....and on and on.
take care of you now. you deserve it. really.......i'm going to try to find another al-anon meeting soon. I need to go. Im reading a lot too. Melodie Beattie lives with me in my bedroom!! I think I have all of her books now.
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