Tansy

Exah had a detox in hospital and has turned into a nastier person then he was prior too it. He is still in hospital as he is insisting he cannot walk but tests have revealed no problem with his legs. He has been getting his brother to call me with various complaints, being nasty to my children, refused a perfectly good offer on his house and his latest is he phoned me and accused me of breaking and entering his house and making a huge mess. He was deadly serious. He got very nasty. I had a cast iron alibi but I am wondering what else he will come up with. If this is detox he can stick it. He's worse then when he was falling down drunk.

FireSprite

How long has it been? Just a few days?

amy55

Tansy,

People coming off of alcohol can be extremely nasty, but sometimes the alcohol is blamed for a person being nasty. Sometimes being drunk can cover up a mental illness.

Thank God you are his ex.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

AnvilheadII

you don't need to answer every call or stay on the phone if it gets nasty. and yes detox can be pretty rough, and make addicts even more irrational. you don't have to be his target. he's your ex for a reason.

Hawkeye13

No Contact Tansy

With him or his brother

Tansy

Two weeks. Not long at all. I blocked him on my phone but he phoned me with someone elses. I am no contact. I never phone him. I hung up when he started being nasty.

Hawkeye13

Good for you for hanging up.

Maybe only pick up numbers you recognize for awhile and let all else go to voice message.

I'm sorry you are still dealing with his negative energy

Tansy

Ex got out of hospital and immediately started phoning my kids about his "burglary." I was accused , yet again, of breaking and entering on Thursday. I was accused of stealing his deeds to HIS house and the land registry letters. He screamed down the phone . I then had to unblock mine cos I 'd rather he was screaming at me then our kids. He has cctv and will know who has been in. I said look at it then lol. I calmly said he was out of sorts due to his detox and he needed to chill and calm down a bit. I am a lot of things but adding breaking and entering to my list of accolades was unfair.

Cue ds putting his ear defenders on due to exes screaming. Ds had had such a good day up to the point. He had willingly gone with me for new clothes and a coat for winter and gone up to the counter in the coffee shop and ordered food himself and paid. He has never done that ever before. He socialised with my friend's son and he enjoyed himself. My other son had been to visit his siblings. Then we came home to all the upset.

Ex continued his tirade. The detox bloke had robbed him too. I asked what he'd taken? Nothing he could see yet but he had "that look about him". O...K. Then he told me he hadn't signed over the child benefit. I told him I already knew and fraud would be visiting him as he was claiming benefits for the boys who do not live with him anymore. He started on the I've been ill routine. He got very vocal about how ill he'd been.
"Fraud don't actually care." I said. He then hung up. 10 minutes later he rang back to "apologise". The "stolen" paperwork had been found. He asked me to help him sign the forms to hand over the boys benefit. I agreed cos I need it. If he doesn't sign it over it takes 16 weeks which effects all my other benefits with no back pay on it. Did I mention I loathe him? We are doing that next week and then he can sod off for ever. I feel wrung out.

I had a chat with my boys after. They are SICK of all the drama and want xah out of their lives. I *think* we have reached an agreement they are going to block him after I pointed out I had been forced to talk to him to stop him screaming at them and if they had not answered none of the above would have taken place! No drama. We'd all have had a good day. One out with me, and one at his siblings for the day. We'd have come home, had dinner together and chatted about nice things.

Tomorrow we are going to the beach with a picnic. No phones, no calls, no drama.

NYCDoglvr

I imagine he is cranky ... he is withdrawing from alcohol. However, it's no reason to let him speak disrespectfully to you or the children. Keep proceeding with your life and avoid direct contact. Remember, the only purpose of detox is to stop drinking with medical supervision so he doesn't have convulsions. The next step is rehab (generally 90 days) followed by a program. Your instincts are right to cut contact with your children ... can you find a mediator if there's anything to discuss?

amy55

Hi Tansy,

Vent here as much as you need to. We are here for you.

I remember last year when you were feeling so stuck. I think you are doing great, and your 2 boys seem to be doing so much better now also. You have a lot on your plate.

Did I tell you recently that I think you are a terrific person and a terrific mom.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

and yes, no cell phones

amy

Tansy

. Remember, the only purpose of detox is to stop drinking with medical supervision so he doesn't have convulsions. The next step is rehab (generally 90 days) followed by a program. Your instincts are right to cut contact with your children ... can you find a mediator if there's anything to discuss?

He's vague about any follow up. I didn't want to get into it with him tho after he said all his blood work was fine cos that's his usual excuse to carry on drinking. Mediation wise is difficult. It's not usually offered in this sort of circumstance here. I think it would just end up being another platform for him to sound off on too. My boys don't want to see him but I need to make sure he signs over the benefits. Part of me was thinking don't bother and ride out the 16 weeks but I can't afford too really. There's no one else to make sure he does it.

Did I tell you recently that I think you are a terrific person and a terrific mom.

Thanks Amy

Ileana

Just a suggestion, but rather than unblock your number why not block the kids numbers?
Sounds like detox uncovered an underlying mental issue.

Tansy

The boys are 16 and I can't really do that unless they agree. They would just unblock him.

Tansy

So for balance. We had a fabulous time at the beach. One of my lads has realised he needs to wear more appropriate clothing then camos and is up for me getting him shorts and a wet suit for next time. He played football with my friend 's kids and had a great time. Both of them are happy now. I can see their confidence growing daily. They are doing things they have never attempted before. It's heartwarming to see. They both say they have settled here and love being with me.

Hawkeye13

Of course they do--you are kind, compassionate, and you're a terrific mother.

I recall you gave up rights to your home to protect them having a place to live.

I'm glad to hear they are improving daily--that's a good place to focus

sg1970

Sounds like he's mad because he can't drink. He's going to need a serious recovery program.

BlackSabbath

Yay! That's awesome hang in there hun...pretty soon he will be a distant memory.

Amy55 - you are a super sweet lady! I picture you in your peaceful world but instead of logs, your cabin is made of sugar lol

Tansy

Yes he certainly is. He's mad about many things.He ranted about his brother. How he was lying about his drinking, how he'd found empties all over the house. How he'd cleaned out his bank account while he was in detox and stolen money. Karma or what eh?