Another Day
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
Another Day
33 days, I think. I'll have to look at my calendar. I took yet another day off today. I have competent help and its a slow time of the month so my little department will be fine I think.
I've been checking in with SR off and on everyday. You guys are like a lifeline for me. My husband definitely doesn't understand. He's a teatotaler. Can't even get him to take an Advil.
He thinks this thing with his work is his problem and shouldn't really affect me but he's wrong about that too. It's causing a severe strain on our marriage. It's to the point that we hardly talk because everything we say to each other pisses off both of us.
I've reached some dead ends as far as counseling goes. I'm shocked at how little help there is. But I'm doing my best.
I do want to thank everyone for all of the advice. It's comforting to know that there are people out there that can relate and do care.
I've been checking in with SR off and on everyday. You guys are like a lifeline for me. My husband definitely doesn't understand. He's a teatotaler. Can't even get him to take an Advil.
He thinks this thing with his work is his problem and shouldn't really affect me but he's wrong about that too. It's causing a severe strain on our marriage. It's to the point that we hardly talk because everything we say to each other pisses off both of us.
I've reached some dead ends as far as counseling goes. I'm shocked at how little help there is. But I'm doing my best.
I do want to thank everyone for all of the advice. It's comforting to know that there are people out there that can relate and do care.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Peanut,
I've just been reading through the threads you've started, and want to say a huge congratulations on staying sober through everything that's going on in your life.
But also I really found myself relating to your situation with your husband's crazy boss. My wife went through something very similar. For a year she'd tell me all the horrible things her line manager was doing. He was a classic insecure bully, and sexist into the bargain. Was making her life hell, and she'd come back and unload on me. And me being me, I'd try and offer suggestions on how to fix things. But it took a long time for me to figure out she didn't want that. Which would make me frustrated and angry. We'd have huge blowouts, and I'd feel even more upset. And at times she'd get angry with me for that, and ask me if I wanted her to just bottle everything up and not talk to me about it any more. And it took every ounce of restraint to keep me from shouting "yes, that's exactly what I want you to do!" I felt powerless, stressed and angry that some man I'd never met was putting my marriage at risk. And I wasn't even coming off opiates at the time, which I can imagine would have sent the stress levels through the roof. And yes, she even accused me of not supporting her at one point, which is what really resonated with what you wrote.
At the end of the day, she managed to have this man removed as her line manager, and she reports directly to the company owner instead. The other guy is still there but she doesn't have to deal with him any more. So no satisfying Hollywood style revenge, but she's happy at work again, and life is getting back to normal. I don't know how your husband's situation will resolve itself, but it will. Maybe in a way that isn't fair. The bad guy might "win" given this is real life and not a movie. But it will be over and you'll be able to move on with your lives.
So I guess what I'm saying is, you aren't alone in feeling like collateral damage to someone else's problem. And I totally get your frustration and anger. But sometimes you have to accept that it's someone else's problem, and they're the ones who need to deal with it, not you. Which does sound an awful lot like that serenity prayer
I've just been reading through the threads you've started, and want to say a huge congratulations on staying sober through everything that's going on in your life.
But also I really found myself relating to your situation with your husband's crazy boss. My wife went through something very similar. For a year she'd tell me all the horrible things her line manager was doing. He was a classic insecure bully, and sexist into the bargain. Was making her life hell, and she'd come back and unload on me. And me being me, I'd try and offer suggestions on how to fix things. But it took a long time for me to figure out she didn't want that. Which would make me frustrated and angry. We'd have huge blowouts, and I'd feel even more upset. And at times she'd get angry with me for that, and ask me if I wanted her to just bottle everything up and not talk to me about it any more. And it took every ounce of restraint to keep me from shouting "yes, that's exactly what I want you to do!" I felt powerless, stressed and angry that some man I'd never met was putting my marriage at risk. And I wasn't even coming off opiates at the time, which I can imagine would have sent the stress levels through the roof. And yes, she even accused me of not supporting her at one point, which is what really resonated with what you wrote.
At the end of the day, she managed to have this man removed as her line manager, and she reports directly to the company owner instead. The other guy is still there but she doesn't have to deal with him any more. So no satisfying Hollywood style revenge, but she's happy at work again, and life is getting back to normal. I don't know how your husband's situation will resolve itself, but it will. Maybe in a way that isn't fair. The bad guy might "win" given this is real life and not a movie. But it will be over and you'll be able to move on with your lives.
So I guess what I'm saying is, you aren't alone in feeling like collateral damage to someone else's problem. And I totally get your frustration and anger. But sometimes you have to accept that it's someone else's problem, and they're the ones who need to deal with it, not you. Which does sound an awful lot like that serenity prayer
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
Wow, thank you Opentuning!
Yes, collateral damage describes it pretty well. Since this is a confidential web site, my husband basically caught her stealing/embezzling and since then, she has done her very best to get rid of him.
He has 5 years working for the owner and trying to hold the reins on her because she is awful with money, spends what the business doesn't have.
As it stands right now, my husband is still on the books but having to work at another location, (there is 3), which is an hour and twenty minutes drive each way. Supposedly, a lawyer has been contacted and evidence gathered as she likes to create major law suits at previous employers. The owner doesn't want to go thru this.
I say, she is a thief, rip the bandaid off and get rid of her. My husband shouldn't have to be looking for work at 54 after putting in so much of himself for the owner.
And yes, all this while I'm getting off of opiates. How I did it, not too sure. It's been a miserable 2 weeks. Especially, like you said being unloaded on for 2 years prior.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my threads and letting me know other people go thru this too.
Yes, collateral damage describes it pretty well. Since this is a confidential web site, my husband basically caught her stealing/embezzling and since then, she has done her very best to get rid of him.
He has 5 years working for the owner and trying to hold the reins on her because she is awful with money, spends what the business doesn't have.
As it stands right now, my husband is still on the books but having to work at another location, (there is 3), which is an hour and twenty minutes drive each way. Supposedly, a lawyer has been contacted and evidence gathered as she likes to create major law suits at previous employers. The owner doesn't want to go thru this.
I say, she is a thief, rip the bandaid off and get rid of her. My husband shouldn't have to be looking for work at 54 after putting in so much of himself for the owner.
And yes, all this while I'm getting off of opiates. How I did it, not too sure. It's been a miserable 2 weeks. Especially, like you said being unloaded on for 2 years prior.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my threads and letting me know other people go thru this too.
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