Payne

I'm the forgotten child, forever mired in the decisions of the sick person who made me. I am the child searching for their parents in a crowd of drunks, the child who knows more bar phone numbers than friends. I am the child who thought that screaming and breaking things was how marriages were run. I am the child who isn't sure if the amazing man who raised her is actually her father because her mother is not. I am the child who doesn't fit in with family but knows that no one else will be family until I make my own.

I am the forgotten child who receives advice; you had no parent so be your own. Leave the past in the past. One day at a time. Live and let live.

I'm the forgotten child who still wakes up screaming. Who dissolves into tears at the first sign of anger in myself. Who questions everything, constantly fearing who I will become.

I'm the forgotten child who overthinks, who consecutively over-feels and under-feels. I am the child who expects the worst but prays from the depths of her soul for the best.

I watch, I fight, I pray, I read, I reason, I try to breathe. Everyone has their cross to carry but mine was shoved into my body one splinter at a time. Someday I may remove all the splinters but with each piece I must rip my heart open and pull it out.

I'm the forgotten child, but I'm brave, I'm resilient, I'm kind, I'm patient, I'm generous.

I was born and raised a forgotten child, but as an adult I must become a parent, not only to my own future children but to myself.

I am the dual parent, I must teach myself how to love gently and kindly. I must teach myself how to be patient and trust. I must teach myself it's okay to cry. I must teach myself to breath. I must teach myself forgiveness is not only for others, kindness is not only for others, patience, support, friendship, love are not only for others they are for me.

I will do my best to not run from the good, from love, from happiness. I will embrace them, find them in every corner with a crazy smile on my face, I will put my face in the sun and close my eyes, feel the warmth of the world. I will float in the ocean, feel the comfort of gentle waves. I will trust the 'I love you's' of my loved ones, and remember that I deserve to love and be loved to care and be cared for.

I was born the forgotten child, but I will not live as one.

DesertEyes

What a beautiful post. Heart breaking at first, and then it builds up with so much hope and strength. I _so_ identify with it, I too was a "forgotten" child.

Thanks for posting this.

Mike

Kialua

You are resilient, there is a lot of maturity in this post. Thanks

chicory

I agree.. a beautiful post. My heart hurts for forgotten children. I was the invisible one.
thank you for reminding me of how we deserve the good things too...not just for others.. but for us too.

PurpleKnight

That's a great post!! Thanks for sharing!!

Verte

Payne, I have read your post quite a few times now. Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience of learning to love yourself the way you need and deserve to be loved. Just beautiful.

NestWasEmpty

Thank you Phyne Wonderful post from the Heart .. May you begin to feel whole & Free
I was a Scared child being raised with alcoholic parents ....

EveningRose

We each have our 'role' in these families. My youngest sibling is the forgotten one, the one who just seems to live quietly in shadows. I wish she would find her way here.

Payne

Its been a rough few months for me, I lost a lot of people but I'm coming out the other side and focusing on the good with it. Sometimes writing helps.

DoubleDragons

Thank you. This expresses things so poignantly. I believe that I was a "forgotten" child, too, in the sense that I was supposed to be an adult and an image. I am trying to find the "real child" underneath all of those layers.

emilynghiem

This reminds me of how the younger kids in our family got neglected when all the problems hit, and to this day, the kids "acting out" still get all the attention. We're all adults now age 40+, this dynamic is still going on, and my poor mother is still trying to retire from raising the same batch of kids.

On the brighter side, you make me think of my two friends who work with kids of incarcerated parents, to overcome the anger, rejection and shame, isolation at school, and self-hatred they too often inherit from situations they didn't cause and have no control over. It inspires me to think of their success stories, of kids making it through school and going to college instead of landing in jail as their teachers expected them to. My friends started a support group of these kids mentoring each other, and it has changed lives. When I see the smile on these kids faces, I think of Marilyn crying for joy for them, every day with hugs for her little "babies."

Smiley High grad who beat odds wins national award - Houston Chronicle

If these kids can make it when everyone had it against them to end up in jail like their parents, this gives me hope anyone can overcome. We just need to set up support and people can figure out how to beat the odds and issues against them. People are more powerful than we think, and it's a shame we beat people down instead of lifting each other up, like these kids found a way to do for each other.

Verte

Hi Payne,

I am sorry to hear that there has been a lot of loss in your life recently. Thank you for writing it out and sharing with us.

Around the time I started giving focusing on the good with it my best effort during emotionally charged time periods was the same time I felt like I was maturing and 'growing up' the way I needed in order to feel whole within myself.

Part of being a forgotten child for me was also combined with my efforts to remain as invisible as possible - to be the easy, responsible, needless child. My biggest task over the last year of active healing has been to figure out and practice how to be seen and heard. How to not disappear. Invisibility has applications as an adult, but meaningful connection in real life requires nurturing, care and presence. Oh so I have learned.

Gentle hugs for this challenging time. Your writing is beautiful. Please continue to share as you feel comfortable.