cricket123

Well one if my twins is having her wisdom teeth out tomorrow and has to go to the hospital to get them out due to her heart condition.

Well I've been asking for a place and time and now they got it;
A) they won't tell me
B) I get a text from a****** telling me she don't want me there.
C) I text her and ask and she says not really because all his side is going to be there and she did not know I wanted to come. I have had setveral conversations with her about me taking the day off so I could be there.

So now I'm at work trying not to cry.

LexieCat

This is one of your adult kids, right? Unfortunately, whoever/whatever is behind her decision, she gets to decide who comes to visit at the hospital.

MY suggestion? Send her flowers, tell her you love her and hope she feels better really soon.

Don't tell her how hurt you are. Guilt-tripping her will not get you anywhere.

Hugs, this too shall pass.

dandylion

cricket......if you n otice....she did not say that she didn't want you there (exactly)....she said that his family would all be there as her reason.....
I imagine that she fears more family fighting...or afraid to go against her father's wishes.
Kids are so loathe to be caught between two parents. They are too young to know how to handle the emotions that come with it.

I can imagine how hurt you feel every time he pulls his manipulative s***.
Please try with all your m ight to not take it personally as rejection by your children. Take it as t heir fear......

Given that she is 19...I think that Lexie's suggestion has merit.

Also, can you give consideration of the other posts that I have made to you about learning about setting boundaries for your own self....to deal with this man's constant steam rolling and scapegoating you within the family?

Don't let him see you squirm on this current one. Stay calm, self confident and unflappable. No JADING. I suspect that he gets his cookies by getting you upset and causing turmoil....trying to place you in victim and black sheep role.

She should come through it just fine.....

dandylion

AnvilheadII

i realize that the fact that she has to be in hospital for this procedure add a level of concern.....however she IS 19 and it sounds like a small army plan to be there. and she did not contact you specifically and ask you to be there.

she's getting her wisdom teeth extracted, not having open heart surgery. i remember when i had my wisdom teeth out, i was 17-18? and one person went with me, someone to drive. i was put into a twilight sleep, light anestesia. actually we did my left and right in two sessions....and i didn't have 12 people rooting me on.

try to keep things in perspective instead of letting every move someone else makes HURT you.

cricket123

She has to have it done at the hospital due to her 2 heart surgeries so yes I am very concerned and very hurt. I will hide it, sadly after talking to her last week I took the day off work to be with her and now I'm out of a day of work because of him.

cricket123

Dandylion

Thanks for keeping me grounded

FeelingGreat

Cricket, I know how these things can eat at you. Do you have any agreement where he has agreed to inform you of health matters, which he is now breaking?

cricket123

No agreement. He has yet to follow any agreement. So it would not matter if I had one.

dandylion

Cricket......I imagine that he is like dealing with a headstrong, recalcitrant, unruly, defiant child......lol. And...it sounds like he has gotten away with it for a very long time.
Like a king baby that "rules" the kingdom because everyone bows down to his wishes and is "beholdin" to him in some way.....?

dandylion

cricket123

I like that description king baby. Lol I said rebelless teen but king baby is perfect.

Sungrl

Asked nicely,

Have you tried standing up for yourself a little more?? They seem to like to bully you and you seem very passive.

I agree with Anvil this is only wisdom teeth, but if you took the day off with the intention of being there don't let them stop you.

You don't have to cause any drama. You can drop off flowers and check in on your kid, adult or not if you want to.

cricket123

Standing up for myself, yes I have told him repeatly he does not get to exclude me when it comes to my children's health. Still does it. We have court orders saying he's to do certain things. Ignores it. It is documented. Yes it will catch up to him. But the waiting is pissing me off.

Why can't I just hire karma and sit back and watch the show. Lol

hopeful4

Oh babe, I am so sorry. I hope it all goes well for her.

She is likely pretty overwhelmed. It sounds like his side is sending lots of people there, and she is caught in the middle. She likely does not want to be the one to tell them not to come, or you either. And I am betting there may be some worry there that if you do come, what would be going on with all of you while she is getting this done.

Just trying to think out what she may have in her head. How about preparing her a care package and sending that to her. Or since she will feel out of it for a while, maybe a movie pack with some fun movie stuff in it. Just a couple of thoughts.

I know it hurts, I am sorry.

Many hugs to you!