New sobriety date?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 8
New sobriety date?
Hi everyone my name is Jared. I am new to SR, although in the past I have read over certain posts which I have found very helpful. I have abused alcohol and drugs over the past 8 years and when I drink I lose control and it would usually lead to me taking drugs. It has caused me lot of damage along the way - relationships, family, jobs, the law and a lot more. After something bad would happen I would try to quit, lasting a couple of weeks or months if I was lucky. I have done most of my recovery alone, which I have proven does not work work and my will power is just not strong enough. This last time I have managed to go 8 months without alcohol which is unbelievable. But over the weekend I had a moment of weakness. I play football and after the last game of the season everyone was handed a beer to celebrate, I got caught up in the moment and I drank it. I couldn't believe what I just did and it sent my mind running crazy (I wanted more). I called my girlfriend and told her I was going to hang around for a while.. She knew exactly what I was talking about and burst into tears and with the heartbreak in her voice the guilt hit me and I knew I had to go home. Everyone continued drinking well into the night and I know if I had of stayed around it would of ended up in disaster. I have felt really disheartened the past few days and I feel like giving up. Has the 1 beer ruined my 8 months sobriety??
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Jared - welcome 
no, I don't believe that one beer sets you back to square one - you still have all you accomplished and learned in those eight months.
I would start my count again but that's me. I need to be brutally honest with myself.
Whatever you decide to do is your call.
Think of it as new improved recovery version 2.0.
That being said, it's clear you've disappointed not only yourself but your gf too.
What do you think you could do differently this time?
D
no, I don't believe that one beer sets you back to square one - you still have all you accomplished and learned in those eight months.
I would start my count again but that's me. I need to be brutally honest with myself.
Whatever you decide to do is your call.
Think of it as new improved recovery version 2.0.
That being said, it's clear you've disappointed not only yourself but your gf too.
What do you think you could do differently this time?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Welcome to the posting side of SR, Jared.
Never estimate the importance and power of your eight months of sobriety; congratulations.
Take some time to examine why you drank that beer; examine not only the situation but your mindset leading up to that beer; I have heard it said that a relapse happens long before we take that first drink.
Identify the shortcomings in your plan and make the necessary adjustments; shore up the holes; and move forward in your sobriety.
Glad you are here and posting, Jared.
Never estimate the importance and power of your eight months of sobriety; congratulations.
Take some time to examine why you drank that beer; examine not only the situation but your mindset leading up to that beer; I have heard it said that a relapse happens long before we take that first drink.
Identify the shortcomings in your plan and make the necessary adjustments; shore up the holes; and move forward in your sobriety.
Glad you are here and posting, Jared.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here with us!
That one beer may have saved your life...........who knows, only time will tell. It may have been a reminder of the insanity that is always there. Perhaps it is the best thing that could have happened to you....
Keep coming back - we are all on this journey together, one day at a time!
That one beer may have saved your life...........who knows, only time will tell. It may have been a reminder of the insanity that is always there. Perhaps it is the best thing that could have happened to you....
Keep coming back - we are all on this journey together, one day at a time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 8
I'm trying to look at the positives and yes it is a good reminder that 'it' is always there. My mind tries to trick me in saying I can just have a couple, be sociable and go home. But deep down I know thats not the truth, I always end up passed out and regretting the stupid stuff i did the next day . I often look at my friends and family who can have a couple of drinks, be normal then go home. The only option for me is to not drink at all. The scary thing is if it wasn't for the call to my girlfriend the 1 beer I had would of turned into 20. Having gone 8 months I became to complacent, I definitely have to do more and it's to hard to do alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Jared
Well done on your honesty here. I think you've done really well to get to eight months and then report back like this.
After speaking a lot to an addiction counsellor about this kind of relapse, I tend to be of the view that they don't just happen all of a sudden without any chance of stopping them. We tend to build up to them and even plan them but because we know planning a relapse is wrong, we deny to ourselves that we're doing it.
So, in your situation, you might have anticipated that there would be beer after the football game and be looking forward to it. You drank some saying it was kind of a reward for all your hard work in sobriety and then you made a bit of a drama with the girlfriend, perhaps because you wanted her praise for your work on your recovery.
I'm not sure how your mind works but it's a pattern you get with alcoholics in recovery, according to my counsellor.
Well done on your honesty here. I think you've done really well to get to eight months and then report back like this.
After speaking a lot to an addiction counsellor about this kind of relapse, I tend to be of the view that they don't just happen all of a sudden without any chance of stopping them. We tend to build up to them and even plan them but because we know planning a relapse is wrong, we deny to ourselves that we're doing it.
So, in your situation, you might have anticipated that there would be beer after the football game and be looking forward to it. You drank some saying it was kind of a reward for all your hard work in sobriety and then you made a bit of a drama with the girlfriend, perhaps because you wanted her praise for your work on your recovery.
I'm not sure how your mind works but it's a pattern you get with alcoholics in recovery, according to my counsellor.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
I'll probably be going against the grain, but I view that as a victory. You got caught up in the moment, had one beer, then immediately realized what you were doing and stopped.
That's a whole lot better than what could have happened, right? You could have easily kept going, and started the unholy sh!t show all over again, right? Plus this way you probably learned a valuable lesson for yourself as well.
EDIT: Just fyi... I'm probably the worse person to take advice from on sobriety, to don't take what I said too seriously.
That's a whole lot better than what could have happened, right? You could have easily kept going, and started the unholy sh!t show all over again, right? Plus this way you probably learned a valuable lesson for yourself as well.
EDIT: Just fyi... I'm probably the worse person to take advice from on sobriety, to don't take what I said too seriously.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Jared, whether or not you restart your sober count is entirely in your court. I tend to agree with Dee although when I briefly slipped in fairly unusual circumstances (PTSD triggered) after 7 months sober, I decided that for this one time I wouldn't restart my count. I had been in outpatient intensive treatment program. In addition, when I slipped I went right to my pdoc who prescribed meds to use when if i get into a similar situation again.
IMHO, the fact that calling your gf halted your slip shows the power of support. You may want to add other kinds of support if you have more difficulty.
Best wishes!
IMHO, the fact that calling your gf halted your slip shows the power of support. You may want to add other kinds of support if you have more difficulty.
Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Jared88 
it's to hard to do alone.
I got sober through AA - I surrounded myself with sober people, got a sponsor and worked the steps. Going on for 18 years now without a drink, without a slip and without the obsession and craving.Congrats on getting to 8 months
To answer your question, I view picking up a drink deliberately as a slip and if you were my AA sponsee, I'd be telling you to reset your date. Unwillingness to do so, in my eyes, is nothing more than pride. And too much pride stops me reaching out for help when I'm in need of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
I had something similar happen to me after 13 months or so. It really caught me off guard but now I recognize it happened slowly. I didn't start my count over but now I think of my old sobriety date as the beginning of my "sobriety journey". Those 8 months mean something! Hop back on and keep going.
I had something similar happen to me after 13 months or so. It really caught me off guard but now I recognize it happened slowly. I didn't start my count over but now I think of my old sobriety date as the beginning of my "sobriety journey". Those 8 months mean something! Hop back on and keep going.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Alynn
Congrats on 8 months! Going back to day 1 doesn't mean square one. It's too hard for me to do alone. I kept having to reset my date. I'm working with a sponsor and meetings now.
When I made the decision to ask for help everything changed..........I had to become willing in this regard as well.
So very glad many of us did!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Jared. Good job on going home after that one beer. I think you know where it would have taken you if you continued.
I relapsed after 9 months back in 2013. It was because I got complacent too. Spent the better part of a year drinking 24/7. I found it definitely pays to spend as much time here at SR; or within any recovery support group that you choose; to succeed. Each time I get the urge I play it forward in my mind of where that one drink will lead. Deep down I know one drink could lead to my last day.
Life is so much better sober.
Lean on us as much as you need.
I relapsed after 9 months back in 2013. It was because I got complacent too. Spent the better part of a year drinking 24/7. I found it definitely pays to spend as much time here at SR; or within any recovery support group that you choose; to succeed. Each time I get the urge I play it forward in my mind of where that one drink will lead. Deep down I know one drink could lead to my last day.
Life is so much better sober.
Lean on us as much as you need.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 302
SoberRecovery is a great tool to help stay sober, and guess what? You found it AND made your first post here yesterday. This in itself is great news. The other great news is that you only had one beer and actually stopped. This is not something everyone can do, and I believe it shows you have great will power.
When I'm feeling down, or feeling that urge to use come on strong, I get on here and read at the very least. When you read all the negatives that using brings along, as well as all the positives that come with being clean, it is very sobering - no pun intended . What I have found even more helpful is to get on and type some stuff out on here, it makes me feel included and not just a bystander. I'm coming back from a loooong relapse compared to yours, and after writing for a few days I'm wondering why I haven't got on here sooner?
As for your sobriety count, I think Dee said it pretty well. It really is up to you to decide if you want to start your count over. You have not lost all you have learned in 8 months, hell I still hang on to some of the positive things I learned the last time I got sober 2 or 3 years ago.
I'm glad to here you only had 1 beer that day
When I'm feeling down, or feeling that urge to use come on strong, I get on here and read at the very least. When you read all the negatives that using brings along, as well as all the positives that come with being clean, it is very sobering - no pun intended
. What I have found even more helpful is to get on and type some stuff out on here, it makes me feel included and not just a bystander. I'm coming back from a loooong relapse compared to yours, and after writing for a few days I'm wondering why I haven't got on here sooner?As for your sobriety count, I think Dee said it pretty well. It really is up to you to decide if you want to start your count over. You have not lost all you have learned in 8 months, hell I still hang on to some of the positive things I learned the last time I got sober 2 or 3 years ago.
I'm glad to here you only had 1 beer that day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 8
Thanks everyone for their support and useful advice. There is a real community feel on here even (even tho everyone is spread out all over the world!). I will definitely keep coming back.
It' true what some of you have said and I've been looking at the lead up to that drink and to be honest with myself I could feel something like this building. When I think about my recovery and the periods I have managed to go without drinking the only change I made was to stop drinking. Which is great but to be honest with myself I have never really dealt with what was going on. Even tho I was sober I still would have urges to drink all the time and it would make me very irritable- not a very nice person to be around. I've been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days and the things I've done in the past really do scare me, last year alone I ended up in the emergency department 5 times due to drunk/drug problems. I can not go back to that life because next time I may not be so lucky.
If I don't make a change I will never get out of this vicious cycle. I've made a commitment to give AA a serious go - get a sponsor, and work the steps. I have spoke to professionals before but never really got anywhere, so I've made an appointment to speak to someone again. Also I will keep coming back to this fantastic site.
I want to find joy in my life away from alcohol.
It' true what some of you have said and I've been looking at the lead up to that drink and to be honest with myself I could feel something like this building. When I think about my recovery and the periods I have managed to go without drinking the only change I made was to stop drinking. Which is great but to be honest with myself I have never really dealt with what was going on. Even tho I was sober I still would have urges to drink all the time and it would make me very irritable- not a very nice person to be around. I've been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days and the things I've done in the past really do scare me, last year alone I ended up in the emergency department 5 times due to drunk/drug problems. I can not go back to that life because next time I may not be so lucky.
If I don't make a change I will never get out of this vicious cycle. I've made a commitment to give AA a serious go - get a sponsor, and work the steps. I have spoke to professionals before but never really got anywhere, so I've made an appointment to speak to someone again. Also I will keep coming back to this fantastic site.
I want to find joy in my life away from alcohol.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Sounds like a good idea, Jared. There is a difference between not drinking and living in recovery.
Hope you'll also make active participation here a part of your recovery plan. These forums are open 24/7 and there is a ton of great wisdom and support to be found here.
Welcome to SR and wishing you the best moving forward!
Hope you'll also make active participation here a part of your recovery plan. These forums are open 24/7 and there is a ton of great wisdom and support to be found here.
Welcome to SR and wishing you the best moving forward!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 8
I've had an amazing 2 weeks, this time 2 weeks ago after having that drink I thought I was entering back into the vicious cycle of destruction. But as someone on hear said I should see it as a reminder of the insanity that is always there.
I have been honest with myself and I do need to reset my sobriety date because at the end of the day I did drink and I wanted more. Its not to say my 8 months has been lost its made me relise I cant do it alone anymore and my will power is not strong enough.
I've committed myself to A.A. I have now got a sponsor and I've done 12 meetings in a row (Im going to do 90 in 90 !) and I feel better than I ever did in those 8 months of holding on. I have finally admitted I'm powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.
I have been honest with myself and I do need to reset my sobriety date because at the end of the day I did drink and I wanted more. Its not to say my 8 months has been lost its made me relise I cant do it alone anymore and my will power is not strong enough.
I've committed myself to A.A. I have now got a sponsor and I've done 12 meetings in a row (Im going to do 90 in 90 !) and I feel better than I ever did in those 8 months of holding on. I have finally admitted I'm powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.
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