mary2788

I just came home from a meeting and it is a discussion meeting/ I don't have the balls to share yet. I have spoken about the person who I sometimes go with and how he says things that upset me following meetings. I He is family and has done a lot for me so I feel obligated to continue going with him.
tonight I passed like I always do on the discussion optic.. I jut don't feel like my story is bad enough and that I will be judged?? if that even makes sense

When I got home I was upset because he told me that I"its time I start sharing and I must not be fully aware that I am an alcoholic.. and maybe I'm not maybe I haven't accepted the actual fact yet. I have been told by others that its at your own pace. I also heard the statement bring the bod and the mind will follow..
It makes me angry and upset its like he doesn't believe in me..

But when i got home I found leftover anxiety pills that I had stored away. They caught my eye and the obsession started again. I was shaking and crying and staring at them eventually holding them. Stopping myself on impulse as I was thinking if i just take this handful all of these worries go away I will become numb and I will fall asleep..
Its a scary freaking thought to have.

I just sat down because I need to vent and i also made a list in a jounral i just purchased that staes How am i powerless over alcohol.. I have tw things written so far.. but I know I have many many more..

doggonecarl

You didn't use, you logged on here. I think that's recovery overpowering addiction.

Broncosys

Mary, just tell your family member straight up like you just told us. Tell him that indeed you DO realize that you are an alcoholic and that you will share in your own time when you are ready. Trust me that you will not be judged. That just won't happen, so don't let that be an impediment to sharing. But dearest Mary, this all has to be done according to YOUR plan, nobody else's and not your relative's. Make a plan and show it to him. Write it down. What will each day be like? Make a schedule. What is your plan for meetings? For sharing? What are your concerns (i.e. being judged by your insensitive relative and/or the group) and how will YOU address those concerns. Take control of all of this Mary and you don't need to go with him to group either. Drive yourself. Write it all down like an itenerary/journal/plan for the future and show it to him. Tweak the plan all the time to fix bumps you find in it. You get me Mary. Just do it hon and make the journey your journey. Then Mary, what anybody else thinks about you or your plan or the worthiness of your struggle will cease to have power over you.

Lance40

This is wonderful advice. Part of your journey to wholeness will be learning to take a stand for who you are and living life on your terms. Emotional upheavals like this are all part of the process.

In my early days of sobriety there was a day when I packed my bags and walked out of my home not knowing if I'd come back because I couldn't muster the courage to lay out ground rules in my own home. I ended up sitting in my office all day and calling a crisis hotline for counselling, but I think one of the main things that kept me sane that day was living on SR and holding on for dear life to every word that was offered to me in encouragement.

You can do this, and we are here to help you.

Anna

Mary, I don't think you need to explain anything or apologize to your friend. It's your recovery, on your time. If you ask him specifically for input, that's different, but otherwise, step away and stay true to yourself.

Broncosys

Anna, the only reason I though Mary might show her plan to her relative is because it sounds like he is a family member rather than a friend that Mary can simply walk away from. It may take a conversation. I did not suggest that Mary explain her plan either. Just show it and then move down her own road. I mean to do no harm. Just my humble opinions here.

mary2788

Its all great advice. I am beyond grateful for having this affirm because it really is saving my life.

I guess tonight I saw my addiction from a sober perspective. I havve 32 ays now and staring down at those pills with the huge obsession and impulsively to swallow.. any other time while I was using and in the constant fog I would have never stepped back and realized the insanity of it all..

tursiops999

Good job, Mary ... you didn't pick up, you posted here, you looked for another way through it. That's huge.

I agree ... it's really scary and weird when I see my addiction from a sober perspective. Scary how insane it is. But you can do this.

I also agree with the advice to just focus on detailing out your own plan, and go at your own pace. AA folks aren't there to judge you, but to support you. Each of us in AA has been scared to death and not sure what to say .. we understand.

Dee74

I'm glad you got through and in my opinion that's a win - cravings are not the measure of our recovery - what we do in response is

Like Anna says you have no need to explain yourself at all to anyone.

I'm wondering if you might be able to go to meetings yourself now without this other person?

D

davaidavai

Alcoholics and drug addicts have wounded egos and like to give passionate advice because they think that the point is to find some static island of 'figured it out ness'. Wait, maybe they don't think that: they just get overly involved in these passionate certainties. But their is no oasis, at least for a while: just more extremes. Kind of like looking through a telescope and enthusiastically adjusting the lens all the way to the right and then again to the left, like a child basically, playing with a telescope, never really settling on clear vision, too enraptured and amused by the blur. But at least it's an attempt, a process, learning about the human condition. Maybe you could view it as his process and objectify it somewhat.

Gottalife

Telling my story over and over again is over rated. You see many adverse comments about it because drunkalogues and who is the baddest person here, have nothing to do with AA recovery.

If there is a newcomer in the room I will share parts of my story to illustrate what alcoholism is. That is the common ground, but we all have different stories. Our stories are not what make us alcoholics.

For example one thing that makes me alcoholic is that I have he phenomenon of craving. How that worked in my story was, if I went to the pub at lunchtime, I often did not make it back to work. Once I started drinking I could not stop even if I might lose my job as a result. I could give other examples but the point is made.

Likewise a short story can convey the obsession of the mind and how it gripped, me. I might then talk about the first two steps and a little about what AA has done for me.

The things we did are not the point, it is what alcohol did to us, really about control and choice, not dramatic criminal stories.

bigguyslimm

Try not to feel pressured at meetings. Talk when you feel comfortable and don't feel like your story isn't good or bad enough. Everyone is there for help and shouldn't judge you. I bet you'll feel a lot better after you speak for the first time. Good luck

Bellamiaa

^^^^ Completely agree! Congrats on 32 days!

ReadyAtLast

I've learned to keep away from people who upset me, try to boss me or even just annoy me. I ask myself if the problem is me? Often some people just like to control or manipulate. Put yourself and your recovery first - maybe find meetings without this person.

mary2788

this is great advice,. I have been told many times that this is my recovery and on my terms
I am honestly the typeof person who needs instructions and a how to guide. and I am looking for a more complicated version i guess to recovery maybe? I have no idea anymore :/

Fly N Buy

Hi Mary!

What I get from your post is "it works if you work it" as the AA saying goes. In other words you somehow garnered the strength to do the next right thing - you did not pick up!!! Mary, that is what sobriety is all about - one small good decision stacked on another = awesome!!!

Some friends will suggest to newcomers they don't share for a month or two. This is simply to relieve any anxiety about sharing/what will I say and give them the grace to just listen. Don't ever let others push you into sharing - maybe someday a sponsor will suggest you may "need" to, but it's your recovery.

Keep going to meetings and please - read the book if you have not. There is so much you may identify with. When I read the Dr's opinion where it goes through 5 types of alcoholics and then states there are many, many more types - I knew I could never be judged by others. I am me, not them.

Keep posting and keep coming back - you're doing great!!

FreeOwl

Those in recovery who judge others' recovery are focusing less on their own recovery than they probably ought to be.

Whether, when and how you share is entirely up to you. You're not a failure if you're not ready. You have 32 days and that's worth a lot. You are at the meeting and that's also worth a lot.

Take your time and follow your own inner voice. Ask yourself if you're giving it all you can right now, and if your own answer is yes - then don't let another's opinion shake you and undermine your sobriety.

Tell your family that this approach is unhelpful and that what you need right now is for him to back off and allow your process to unfold.

If that doesn't work - find another meeting. Go on your own. Do whatever it takes to preserve YOUR sobriety and remember that the only thing you can control is YOUR sobriety.

Good job coming here and logging on to vent and get support. You're on the right track with that.

You can do this.... keep it up.

ccam1973

Mary, great job on 32 days. Some sound advice here. The bottom line is this is your recovery. You need to do what ever it takes for you to succeed. That means you decide your plan, if and when you will share your stories, and everything else that will lead you to not drink today. You can only control you.

You are a strong person. Give yourself credit, you've made it 32 days.

Keep going and great job on staying strong.

Carver

I know what you mean when you say you don't feel that your story is bad enough.

I was an evening drinker, and I just quietly sat in my chair and got quietly smashed. I don't have any DUIs, I didn't smash up pubs or get in fights. So maybe my story isn't as exciting as the bloke who loses his home through drinking, but that doesn't mean I don't have the same addiction as that bloke.

AA says that ONLY YOU can decide if you're an alcoholic. This man needs to pay more attention at meetings, and he needs to respect you a little bit more.

Congratulations on your sobriety so far! Do whatever you need to ensure that it continues. It's your life, not his

FreeOwl

....yet