Hi, I'm new to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California
Posts: 143
Hi, I'm new to SR.
Hi,
Although I have read forums here on and off for a few years now, I only just registered today, so I thought I would say hello and introduce myself. I have been sober for almost a year now - September 1 will be my one-year mark.
What prompted me to register here is that I have been married to a heavy drinker, I believe an alcoholic, for well over a decade now and I am struggling with my ability to communicate my feelings over his drinking. I hope to learn from others' experiences and insights! Thanks for reading.
PerSe
Although I have read forums here on and off for a few years now, I only just registered today, so I thought I would say hello and introduce myself. I have been sober for almost a year now - September 1 will be my one-year mark.
What prompted me to register here is that I have been married to a heavy drinker, I believe an alcoholic, for well over a decade now and I am struggling with my ability to communicate my feelings over his drinking. I hope to learn from others' experiences and insights! Thanks for reading.
PerSe
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, PerSe, and congrats on 11+ months sobriety. As someone else has already said, our Friends and Family forums are very active and a good place to get help with your situation. Wishing you the best and hope you'll become a regular participant here!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome to SR 
My husband and I met whilst drinking and continued to drink throughout our marriage. My drinking was a problem - my behaviour and health etc. His wasn't - he never seemed to change although he did drink a lot.
When I got sober him carrying on drinking didn't bother me. As the months went by though I changed as a person and realized I just wanted different things out of life. The sheer futility and pointlessness of him sitting in night after night just drinking made me think surely there is more to life than this. There were other reasons too but primarily it was me that had changed.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made but I left him just under a year ago (2 years sober). I genuinely believe marriage is for life and never expected me to end it. But I can honestly say it is the best thing i have ever done. I am happier, more confident and have the freedom to live my life away from the binds of alcohol, mine and his. I am excited about the future my son and I now have.
I'm not saying leave your husband of course, i'm just giving you my story. I changed so much when I got sober I knew I could not stay in that relationship.
My husband and I met whilst drinking and continued to drink throughout our marriage. My drinking was a problem - my behaviour and health etc. His wasn't - he never seemed to change although he did drink a lot.
When I got sober him carrying on drinking didn't bother me. As the months went by though I changed as a person and realized I just wanted different things out of life. The sheer futility and pointlessness of him sitting in night after night just drinking made me think surely there is more to life than this. There were other reasons too but primarily it was me that had changed.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made but I left him just under a year ago (2 years sober). I genuinely believe marriage is for life and never expected me to end it. But I can honestly say it is the best thing i have ever done. I am happier, more confident and have the freedom to live my life away from the binds of alcohol, mine and his. I am excited about the future my son and I now have.
I'm not saying leave your husband of course, i'm just giving you my story. I changed so much when I got sober I knew I could not stay in that relationship.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Welcome.
Did you use the Internet for information on what was going on w your mind and body for the last year.? Or did you have personal help...e.g. . AA?
Hopefully, you partners is ready to follow your lead.
My wife and son showed me what to do at night when I wanted to drink. They just chill, watch tv, etc. Eat popcorn. Have a great time.
I learned from them. They didn't even know I was done boozing for the first month or so.
Did you use the Internet for information on what was going on w your mind and body for the last year.? Or did you have personal help...e.g. . AA?
Hopefully, you partners is ready to follow your lead.
My wife and son showed me what to do at night when I wanted to drink. They just chill, watch tv, etc. Eat popcorn. Have a great time.
I learned from them. They didn't even know I was done boozing for the first month or so.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
Welcome to SR
My husband and I met whilst drinking and continued to drink throughout our marriage. My drinking was a problem - my behaviour and health etc. His wasn't - he never seemed to change although he did drink a lot.
When I got sober him carrying on drinking didn't bother me. As the months went by though I changed as a person and realized I just wanted different things out of life. The sheer futility and pointlessness of him sitting in night after night just drinking made me think surely there is more to life than this. There were other reasons too but primarily it was me that had changed.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made but I left him just under a year ago (2 years sober). I genuinely believe marriage is for life and never expected me to end it. But I can honestly say it is the best thing i have ever done. I am happier, more confident and have the freedom to live my life away from the binds of alcohol, mine and his. I am excited about the future my son and I now have.
I'm not saying leave your husband of course, i'm just giving you my story. I changed so much when I got sober I knew I could not stay in that relationship.
My husband and I met whilst drinking and continued to drink throughout our marriage. My drinking was a problem - my behaviour and health etc. His wasn't - he never seemed to change although he did drink a lot.
When I got sober him carrying on drinking didn't bother me. As the months went by though I changed as a person and realized I just wanted different things out of life. The sheer futility and pointlessness of him sitting in night after night just drinking made me think surely there is more to life than this. There were other reasons too but primarily it was me that had changed.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made but I left him just under a year ago (2 years sober). I genuinely believe marriage is for life and never expected me to end it. But I can honestly say it is the best thing i have ever done. I am happier, more confident and have the freedom to live my life away from the binds of alcohol, mine and his. I am excited about the future my son and I now have.
I'm not saying leave your husband of course, i'm just giving you my story. I changed so much when I got sober I knew I could not stay in that relationship.
It sounds like our stories are similar. It sounds like you have been through a lot this past year but that leaving was a healthy move for you and your son. I wish you all the best. I hear you say that you changed after getting sober and I recognize that in myself now too.
DH and I drank a LOT our first seven years together, then decided to have a baby. He kept his drinking pace going strong right through my pregnancy while I abstained through sheer willpower (not fun - I was not ready to give it up). Anyway here we are another eight years and two great kids later .... I'm sober and I have to say that he has cut back A LOT compared to his former pace, but it's still an issue for me and our communication is so dry if that makes any sense.
In a big way I feel that I am being "controlling" or too sensitive about his drinking. We have had a few very isated conversations about it. And he really has cut back a lot - he basically binge drinks once a week now. I ask myself, Is that really so bad? And I just do not know. I do feel like I am the only thing standing between him and drinking a lot more though.
Thanks again for sharing your story. It sounds like you have good perspective and a good way ahead.
Best,
PerSe
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I'm glad it could help. Our stories do sound very similar. I hope you find your way through. Have you spoken to him about how you feel?
I felt the drinking was just the tip of the iceberg- it stopped us doing family things. Since leaving him I have a new zest for life. My son and I have various travels booked for the next 18 months. I was always adventurous when younger but drinking stopped that. I'm throwing myself into life now and off we go
Don't make any rash decisions. Often the answer comes when we need it to
I felt the drinking was just the tip of the iceberg- it stopped us doing family things. Since leaving him I have a new zest for life. My son and I have various travels booked for the next 18 months. I was always adventurous when younger but drinking stopped that. I'm throwing myself into life now and off we go
Don't make any rash decisions. Often the answer comes when we need it to
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