BeanSkillet

I'll try to keep this brief. Long story short, I slipped up and drank last night on day 20. It could have been avoided. An old friend of mine who moved out of state came in for a visit and I ended up drinking beer with him. I'm reaching out to you all because I want to own up to what I did and because I want to get right back on the right path and not let this slip turn into a full blown relapse.

The most frustrating thing to me is just how determined I had been until yesterday. In fact, I started off posting yesterday in the class of August thread just how well I was doing and how I was going strong. Yep, ended up drinking that same day. It's truly amazing to me how I went from feeling so determined to basically saying "f*** it" and drinking over the course of just a couple hours. I could have told my friend "I don't drink anymore" and left it at that, but I didn't. The other goofy thing is that I wasn't particularly having intense cravings. I knew it wasn't going to be worth it and that I was going to feel horrible about it the next day. I just did it anyway. This is what I just don't understand.

One thing that I'm thankful for, however, is waking up today and deciding not to continue drinking. Every time I've slipped in the past I just went straight back to drinking like before. I can't do that anymore. I'm really bummed that I have to set the counter back to day one, but I realize that I'm not starting over completely. Those 19 full days I went without drinking weren't for nothing. I'd like to think I'm continuing on my recovery rather than starting over. Thanks for listening and I'm going to stick around and keep fighting.

entropy1964

Good on you for coming here and telling your story. I too can suffer from '****it-itis'. And sometimes when things are going the best, my guard comes down, or I have a moment of amnesia and forget...oh yeah, I'm an addict.

In early days, for me, its important to think about every social situation or interaction that could involve booze in advance. That sounds hyper vigilant but its how I form my plan. Good or bad I am rarely in social situations but that is how I handle it. Without obsessing or overthinking, I just decide I won't drink. Decide how to handle questions as to why I'm abstaining. And if its a situation that I know will wobbly...I avoid it.

BringingBackB

BeanSkillet - I have done the same thing many a time, feeling great in sobriety one moment, then the next I'm drinking. The thing that has helped me is reading into the psychology of learned behaviours. As addicts, we have been in negative set routines for so long in which we turn to drink for a myriad of reasons, almost on autopilot. It's the Pavlov's Dogs theory in practice.

Changing these behaviours takes time, but the more we reject/ substitute the learned response, the more easy it becomes to abstain. You still have those 20 days of sobriety which is a definite achievement. Hopefully you can learn something from this slip to put into practice when the urge inevitably comes knocking again

hopeful4

Hello, your title jumped out at me. I go to weight watchers, just a different issue, but same principal! What we talked about last week is that what counts is not turning a "slip" into a "slide." Basically to control falling off the wagon and just to jump right back on, not wait a day, or even a minute.

I am really glad to hear you are going to control this issue, not let it control you. So even though it's a slip, it's definitely not a slide!

Anna

I'm sorry you decided to drink yesterday, but it's great that you're back and working at your recovery.

Do you have a plan in mind to avoid a similar situation next time?

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^

jryan19982

Its happened to all of us. Slip here, slip there, fall here, fall there. It takes the vast majority of us a few slips to finally get it right. If we could all just quit the first time once and for all this site wouldnt be here. So what I needed to do after each slip was think about what else I could add to my plan of action and defenses against drinking that would have helped this time around. It all tweaking and then tweaking some more.

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that you slipped but am glad that you came right back.

Maybe spend some time identifying what went wrong; examine the mindset and situation that led to the relapse; fully shore up the holes in your plan and move forward - while remembering that relapse is part of our alcoholic behavior and not a part of our recovery.

You can do this.

BeanSkillet

Well, I thought I already had a plan. I guess it just wasn't worked out enough. I had been avoiding situations where drinking was involved and had been posting here every day. I think it was more the person (my old friend) that made me feel like I needed to drink rather than the environment we were in.

ScottFromWI

Consider it a learning experience and move forward, sounds like that is what you had in mind already which is great.

"Thinking" that you have a plan and having one are 2 different things. For example, you could have told your friend that you weren't drinking...but you didn't. That means you went into the situation most likely knowing drinking was a possibility, but didn't have a plan to deal with it. Many people use SR as their main sobriety resource..and if you do a good idea is to post about events like this before you go. Same would apply if you were in AA - you would most likely talk with your sponsor before meeting your friend.

So starting today, you could keep an eye on your day's activities and think them through...will alcohol be present? Will you be tempted to drink? And if so, what will you do?

Verdantia

I totally get it, Bean. Happy and resolved to sobriety and then it suddenly seems like a reasonable thing, just to have a drink, no fiending, no big deal, but then shame and deep regret. It's good that you understand you learned a lot of valuable things in those 19 days. Lots of us have had that stop and start, slip and recover. I have nearly three months of sobriety and for me the father away that I get from the last drink, the easier it gets. Lurking at SR has helped me a great deal this time.

Incontrol15

Your addiction got the best of ya there. It is frustrating. The good news is, you're here.

Now don't be ashamed. Don't be frustrated. Instead, get rip roaring mad! Make it known to your addiction that you are not at all happy with that outcome and that you're not going to let that happen again.

There's lots of good advice above me on how to address that. That's the beauty of SR. We've been there, done that, and overcome it. It's your turn now!

Fly N Buy

I drank again because I am an alcoholic and I loved to get drunk! However, there were times I swore it off - many times. The book I read tells me this;

"Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count."

Sounded like me.........
Glad you're back here with us.

Keep coming back

BeanSkillet

I appreciate everyone's input here. Scott, you are right. I knew about my friend coming into town for about a week, knew that because he was a drinking buddy of mine it was a dangerous situation to be in, and I never even mentioned it on the forums. I know if I would have posted and gotten some encouragement I probably wouldn't have given in to the temptation. I'll know better next time. Also, the experience really showed me that I need to resist hanging around big drinkers for a while. I'm a wimp when it comes to peer pressure.

Ruby2

I don't think you're a wimp. You came on here and said you drank yesterday. You could just have continued on here as if nothing had happened. That says a lot. However, hindsight is always 20/20. People, places and things to be avoided. At least in the beginning. Post first. I used to get into trouble because I'd not say anything and that's because I was planning on drinking. Perhaps there was a little of that in your head? I used to think that if I don't say anything, then no one will be able to talk me out of it.

Keep working on the plan. I'm glad you're here today.

Dee74

This is one of the best links I know for making a plan Bean

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

This is another

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

D