Reunions
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Reunions
Several decades have passed since high school and my reunion came up this month. I chose to finally go to one. I did TOO much drinking in high school and actually quit drinking in 12th grade and cut all ties. I haven't seen them since high school. Lately I have felt the need to explain my bad behavior in high school. When our old party days and bad behavior came up in conversation I judiciously told a few of my back-then closer friends my secret that I had always kept. None of them knew I was horribly beat by my alcoholic dad. School for me was simply a refuge as I sat staring out the window in peace, dreading the final bell to go home. Couldn't ever pay attention or complete homework at home so my grades plummeted and I acted out drinking and withdrawing, ruthlessly dealing with anyone that got in my way; teachers, students, friends and family.
As I apologized for some incidents and explained others, their eyes would widen and literally a light would go on, they could understand my ornery trouble making behavior clearly now. A few almost cried and said that had I told them they would have taken my dad on. Ha! I doubt that would have worked but I was touched that they would have cared.
The "no talk rule" was just so ingrained on me as a child that it never once occurred to me to tell anyone. Not my friends, not my own brothers, not my sisters, not my teachers, not even my boyfriend. No one. There was no ACoA back then, no books, no meetings. There may have been Alanon, I don't know, but it wasn't equipped for dealing with abused children keeping secrets. Society didn't care much and fixes like foster care were sometimes not much better in my opinion. A friend of mine was abused routinely and died in her foster home in 8th grade. Of course the foster parents were found out but even so, that never looked like much of a solution to me. So turning to alcohol and withdrawing was my survival tool at the time.
All in all it was a good experience to be able to walk back and time and share my story. Of course I also shared how I made a life for myself without drinking with God's help and succeeded in my profession and personal life, which I am sure not one of them expected! LOL. Many of my classmates had kept in touch all throughout their lives and were good friends. That made me sad that I had missed out on knowing them. But the journey I had to take had no room for others at that point. I'm not even sure my journey would have been a success if I had kept certain people in my life. There simply is no place in my life for drinking. I understand that many people can and do handle it well, but I am not one of them.
As I apologized for some incidents and explained others, their eyes would widen and literally a light would go on, they could understand my ornery trouble making behavior clearly now. A few almost cried and said that had I told them they would have taken my dad on. Ha! I doubt that would have worked but I was touched that they would have cared.
The "no talk rule" was just so ingrained on me as a child that it never once occurred to me to tell anyone. Not my friends, not my own brothers, not my sisters, not my teachers, not even my boyfriend. No one. There was no ACoA back then, no books, no meetings. There may have been Alanon, I don't know, but it wasn't equipped for dealing with abused children keeping secrets. Society didn't care much and fixes like foster care were sometimes not much better in my opinion. A friend of mine was abused routinely and died in her foster home in 8th grade. Of course the foster parents were found out but even so, that never looked like much of a solution to me. So turning to alcohol and withdrawing was my survival tool at the time.
All in all it was a good experience to be able to walk back and time and share my story. Of course I also shared how I made a life for myself without drinking with God's help and succeeded in my profession and personal life, which I am sure not one of them expected! LOL. Many of my classmates had kept in touch all throughout their lives and were good friends. That made me sad that I had missed out on knowing them. But the journey I had to take had no room for others at that point. I'm not even sure my journey would have been a success if I had kept certain people in my life. There simply is no place in my life for drinking. I understand that many people can and do handle it well, but I am not one of them.
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