A successful failure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Dracut,MA
Posts: 78
A successful failure
I have been sober for almost 15 months. Last week I came dangerously close to drinking. I have been getting aggravated lately and somewhat short tempered - the way I used to when I was drinking regularly. Last Monday I was thinking all day that I was gonna drink that night. When I got home for the day I went to get gas and then bought a 6-pack of beer. I went home and contemplated the idea. I then got a glass and went for a ride in the car to sit somewhere and drink. I stopped at a couple different spots. Finally I took a beer out of the cooler, and poured it into a glass and sat it in the cup holder in my car. This whole thing went on in baby steps - not so much in rash behavior like other times in early sobriety. With the poured beer sitting there, I started asking myself: "what will this do for me ? Nothing good!. What will this take from me ? A lot , especially my peace and that of my family." Finally I remembered, one time when I was trying to stay sober, I passed up the drink that day figuring if I made it through that day, I would very likely not want to drink the next day. I had a plan ! I dumped the beer and headed straight home and chowed a theater box of candy and watched TV. Success !
The whole thing is, I really did not WANT to drink. I didn't want to do it ! I have been getting wound up over things and drinking was what I used to do to deal with those feelings. I keep thinking I am lucky, but the truth is, I used the tools I learned in AA and thought with a CLEAR mind this time. A simple, little thing like forcing myself to wait a day and bail on the current plan worked. In this whole year plus, I really haven't had any major cravings. I guess I beat the tar out of myself by drinking enough times to know that I don't want to go back there. I just have to rewind the tape and re-watch the mess that was me (or some form of me).
The moral of the story ? Wait till tomorrow
The whole thing is, I really did not WANT to drink. I didn't want to do it ! I have been getting wound up over things and drinking was what I used to do to deal with those feelings. I keep thinking I am lucky, but the truth is, I used the tools I learned in AA and thought with a CLEAR mind this time. A simple, little thing like forcing myself to wait a day and bail on the current plan worked. In this whole year plus, I really haven't had any major cravings. I guess I beat the tar out of myself by drinking enough times to know that I don't want to go back there. I just have to rewind the tape and re-watch the mess that was me (or some form of me).
The moral of the story ? Wait till tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks. this helped me. It's also something I've been doing, when necessary. Pause. Take stock. Put it off till tomorrow. I have not yet had to wait until tomorrow to be thankful I put it off. Usually, just a couple of hours, and coming here, does it.
Congrats
Happy Dance + a Congrats on 15 Months 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
Great news. This morning I knew I was going to have a tough day at work so I thought what might be a trigger. So I had a plan in place the minute I walked in the door and three people told me they were looking for me and the aggravation began. I already knew I wasn't going to deal with it by thinking in a few hours I'll be drinking.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Close calls make us stronger. I'm so glad you got through it ok.
BTW I had a strong craving the other day and ate a block of chocolate, by far the least damaging option.
BTW I had a strong craving the other day and ate a block of chocolate, by far the least damaging option.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Awesome. Thank you for sharing.
The further away we get from our darkest times, the more faded the memory. It's easy to start thinking...eh..that wasn't so bad. Besides, I won't let myself get there again
Well, you know better, and that's your ticket to sobriety.
Just imagine how the next day would have been at work if you did drink. It would blow. And you'd be drinking again that night. Rinse and repeat.
Sounds like a very powerful moment for you. Hopefully that will shut up the AV again for a while.
Obviously it was dangerous though. You can't stand that close to the fire too many times without getting burnt.
Your AV was able to break through some of the safety barricades. Gotta rebuild them and make em stronger.
The further away we get from our darkest times, the more faded the memory. It's easy to start thinking...eh..that wasn't so bad. Besides, I won't let myself get there again
Well, you know better, and that's your ticket to sobriety.
Just imagine how the next day would have been at work if you did drink. It would blow. And you'd be drinking again that night. Rinse and repeat.
Sounds like a very powerful moment for you. Hopefully that will shut up the AV again for a while.
Obviously it was dangerous though. You can't stand that close to the fire too many times without getting burnt.
Your AV was able to break through some of the safety barricades. Gotta rebuild them and make em stronger.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
Damn, you are one tough person. I honestly don't know if I could have done what you did. Thanks for the story because it shows that a person can go WAY down the road to using again and there is always time to back out of that project and stay sober. You have destroyed yet another addict trick - the fate accompli we construct for ourselves once we come within 100 yards of any booze. Well done.
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