Getting sucked into A drama.......AGAIN
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Getting sucked into A drama.......AGAIN
It never ends. At least it's not coming from RAH anymore. My father is an active alcoholic. He is also very mentally ill but has never been diagnosed. I have been pointedly not returning his phone calls. I just end up very angry and distressed when I talk to him. He wants my "advice" on topics. When I give him my thoughts, he never likes my answers and has to argue, rephrase, etc. I don't exactly know what he wants. Even if I give the answer he want to hear.......idk. all I know is that I'm NOT his therapist so I simply don't talk to him
Anyway, I do still talk to my mom. She tells me my dad is upset that he is going to have to meet his late brothers wife regarding some things about my uncle's house (it was my dad's childhood home) and my mom is worried that if he goes alone he will become verbally aggressive and she will call the police on him. Immediately I think, "oh, yes, I will go and let her into the house instead of dad". Why? Because somewhere inside of me is an automatic reflex to keep him from facing consequences. So he does get the cops called on him? So what? That has nothing to do with me. But why can't I see what I'm doing in the moment? Why can't I frame these conversations differently? And WHY can't I make peace with wanting my family to he something they're not?
Anyway, I do still talk to my mom. She tells me my dad is upset that he is going to have to meet his late brothers wife regarding some things about my uncle's house (it was my dad's childhood home) and my mom is worried that if he goes alone he will become verbally aggressive and she will call the police on him. Immediately I think, "oh, yes, I will go and let her into the house instead of dad". Why? Because somewhere inside of me is an automatic reflex to keep him from facing consequences. So he does get the cops called on him? So what? That has nothing to do with me. But why can't I see what I'm doing in the moment? Why can't I frame these conversations differently? And WHY can't I make peace with wanting my family to he something they're not?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh man. I am sorry Terp. I think the reason is that no matter why they caused it, it's hard to see the people you care about suffer the consequences they created, even when they deserve it. Call it codie behavior, call it whatever you want, that is the reality.
All you can do is step away from the entire situation and think everything out before you speak. It stinks to have to do that, but it is what it is. It's quite healthy that you have stepped away from him, I commend you on that b/c I am betting it was really hard.
Just keep trucking forward and remember, you cannot control their actions, only your own reactions.
XXX
All you can do is step away from the entire situation and think everything out before you speak. It stinks to have to do that, but it is what it is. It's quite healthy that you have stepped away from him, I commend you on that b/c I am betting it was really hard.
Just keep trucking forward and remember, you cannot control their actions, only your own reactions.
XXX
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