Treading treacherous waters.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Treading treacherous waters.
Help.
I'm finding myself wanting to mentally bail. There's more going on than I can handle right now.
I left for New England to move my daughter into her first year of college yesterday. That trip across the country should be enough to try to cope with. But my mother has come down with pneumonia , again, and was rushed to the ER last night and is hospitalized. My husband is being a mental basket case with his child leaving so he is all but useless.
I'm trying to keep it together for her while I'm on the phone with doctors, etc. I'm in an unfamiliar city whose urban planning, I swear was done by Sam Adams granddaughter scribbling with a crayon after getting into the ale. Apparently, you can somehow get to where you need to be by driving in circles. It only takes a few extra hours. Who knew.
I'm so tired. Of all of it. I just want to check the hell out and stay numb.
I can do this right ? I am capable of handling all this without imploding. Right ?!?! I'm trying not to fall into it but I can't stop wanting to just run.
It's bad guys. I'm sinking fast.
I'm finding myself wanting to mentally bail. There's more going on than I can handle right now.
I left for New England to move my daughter into her first year of college yesterday. That trip across the country should be enough to try to cope with. But my mother has come down with pneumonia , again, and was rushed to the ER last night and is hospitalized. My husband is being a mental basket case with his child leaving so he is all but useless.
I'm trying to keep it together for her while I'm on the phone with doctors, etc. I'm in an unfamiliar city whose urban planning, I swear was done by Sam Adams granddaughter scribbling with a crayon after getting into the ale. Apparently, you can somehow get to where you need to be by driving in circles. It only takes a few extra hours. Who knew.
I'm so tired. Of all of it. I just want to check the hell out and stay numb.
I can do this right ? I am capable of handling all this without imploding. Right ?!?! I'm trying not to fall into it but I can't stop wanting to just run.
It's bad guys. I'm sinking fast.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Just take a step back Alpha. Put down the phone, get off the computer (save SR of course!) . I am very sorry to hear about your mother, she is in good hands with the medical care she is getting.
First, remember that drinking right now would be a colossally bad decision. You need your wits and reason to deal with these issues, and you'll have neither if you get drunk. Plus you'll add all the same old problems of the shame, guilt and remorse from blowing everything off and getting wasted.
Second, remember that most of the things on this list are beyond your control. You've already moved your daughter..that is done and she is safely there, you are safely home. Your husband might be a basket case, but you can just let him be a basket case for a bit. He has feelings to work out on his own too. Your mother is in good hands too...you aren't a doctor so while we certainly worry, we need to let those capable of helping do their work.
You are absolutely capable of this. Just prioritize and deal with one thing at a time.
First, remember that drinking right now would be a colossally bad decision. You need your wits and reason to deal with these issues, and you'll have neither if you get drunk. Plus you'll add all the same old problems of the shame, guilt and remorse from blowing everything off and getting wasted.
Second, remember that most of the things on this list are beyond your control. You've already moved your daughter..that is done and she is safely there, you are safely home. Your husband might be a basket case, but you can just let him be a basket case for a bit. He has feelings to work out on his own too. Your mother is in good hands too...you aren't a doctor so while we certainly worry, we need to let those capable of helping do their work.
You are absolutely capable of this. Just prioritize and deal with one thing at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Oh sweetie, no.....no! You will be fine. I've read lots of your posts, and have been struck by your strength, wisdom, and spirituality. Maybe you could take some time out and meditate and tap into your inner strength again. I know it is there. Seen it many, many times. You can get through this, AO. I'm sure of it.
Yes - 100 times, yes. You are capable of doing this without imploding :-)
Yes - 100 times, yes. You are capable of doing this without imploding :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Hold on lady - you can do this. There are times it seems like the universe is plotting against you but it really isn't - it's just life and this hard part will pass.
Boston is crazy - remember just horses and feet back then - not designed for cars. It's a great city and she's going to have a wonderful time - bring a warm coat.
I hope you Mom gets better - but as you know - you can totally do this.
Boston is crazy - remember just horses and feet back then - not designed for cars. It's a great city and she's going to have a wonderful time - bring a warm coat.
I hope you Mom gets better - but as you know - you can totally do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
It's going to be OK.
In fact, it IS OK right NOW.
Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for being sober despite all the challenges.
Life is challenging. For everyone who is in it. That's a universal. Make a little room in your day to just decompress and relax and remind yourself that this is all just part of the flow. Trust in the process, trust in it all unfolding as it should - because it will.
You're not going to explode or die or drink or lose your mind.... you're going to be just fine.
Be present with your daughter.... first year of college!! What a blessing to be there with her and a part of her first steps into her own adult life.
Your mother is in good hands, your husband will deal with his own process in his own time and his own way. Where you are RIGHT NOW, is there. Soak it all in and ask for help in choosing to see the goodness. I promise you that even amidst all those stressy influences, there are beautiful things to see, feel and experience. Embrace those. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad person to just focus on where you are RIGHT NOW and to be there as fully as you can.
Remind yourself of Serenity.... accept the things you cannot change.... be present in the things that you can.... it will all be ok.
And did I mention; STAY SOBER!!!
you've got this.
In fact, it IS OK right NOW.
Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for being sober despite all the challenges.
Life is challenging. For everyone who is in it. That's a universal. Make a little room in your day to just decompress and relax and remind yourself that this is all just part of the flow. Trust in the process, trust in it all unfolding as it should - because it will.
You're not going to explode or die or drink or lose your mind.... you're going to be just fine.
Be present with your daughter.... first year of college!! What a blessing to be there with her and a part of her first steps into her own adult life.
Your mother is in good hands, your husband will deal with his own process in his own time and his own way. Where you are RIGHT NOW, is there. Soak it all in and ask for help in choosing to see the goodness. I promise you that even amidst all those stressy influences, there are beautiful things to see, feel and experience. Embrace those. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad person to just focus on where you are RIGHT NOW and to be there as fully as you can.
Remind yourself of Serenity.... accept the things you cannot change.... be present in the things that you can.... it will all be ok.
And did I mention; STAY SOBER!!!
you've got this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
What the others have said!! AO, stay strong, you have it in you to get through this rough patch. We are here to help!
NOTHING good will come if you take that first drink. We know it and you know it.
You've come too far to give in. Play it forward in your mind of exactly where that drink will take you... right back to the place you left it and then worse.
Please don't go down that road.
We are here for you.
NOTHING good will come if you take that first drink. We know it and you know it.
You've come too far to give in. Play it forward in your mind of exactly where that drink will take you... right back to the place you left it and then worse.
Please don't go down that road.
We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you ARE capable!! install a GPS app on your phone, or ask a lot of directions. you CAN do this. i'm sorry your mom is sick, but she IS in the hospital, which is a good place for a sick person to be. drinking isn't going to solve any of this and it will NOT make you feel any better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Sweet AO, there is no doubt in my mind that you will get through this and get through it well.
Take deep breaths, hold and exhale - release those stressors over which you have no actual control and entrust them to those who are well-trained to do so.
Trust that you have raised your daughter well and given her the tools she needs to thrive in her new environment Enjoy these days.
We are here for you.
Take deep breaths, hold and exhale - release those stressors over which you have no actual control and entrust them to those who are well-trained to do so.
Trust that you have raised your daughter well and given her the tools she needs to thrive in her new environment Enjoy these days.
We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
There is never a good time and a place to give in to temptation - even when it looks like the universe is conspiring against you. You might be numb to all the challenges for an afternoon and then? Reality bites even harder the 2nd and 3rd time around, don't we all know it? You're going to have to take a deep breath, get a GPS on your phone and tackle what needs to be done - one by one. Good luck and we are all here for you.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Hey AO's AV, No Matter What means the bad things and stressors too, so quit dangling the lie of a break(not) stress relief(not).
AO sorry to hear of the stressful time, but you can get through it.
If you are looking to find (and it sounds like a good idea at present) to take some off time , just a small break to recoup , best chocolate shake/frappe thingy I ever had Max Brenner on Boylston, like not your socks off kind of indulgence.
Hang in there, you can do this
AO sorry to hear of the stressful time, but you can get through it.
If you are looking to find (and it sounds like a good idea at present) to take some off time , just a small break to recoup , best chocolate shake/frappe thingy I ever had Max Brenner on Boylston, like not your socks off kind of indulgence.
Hang in there, you can do this
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I'm going to echo what everyone else said, and comment on Boston.
I don't know if you do AA, but I know people in the AA community in Boston and there are great meetings there.
I also know that even with GPS on the phone, it often doesn't work in Boston. The signal lags, even with LTE, and there are so many people navigating streets that were originally horse trails.
I lived in the area for 30 years, and still got lost, regularly. I dated someone who went to a college in Cambridge and NEVER EVER came and went from their house the same way, for the entire 6 months, because I ALWAYS got lost, or subject to road construction. You are validated. Use public transit and cabs as much as possible. When people here tell me they are vacationing in Boston I always recommend to bring good shoes and to save the rental car money and use the T or cabs. It will be so much less stressful, and its what most people who live there do.
I don't know if you do AA, but I know people in the AA community in Boston and there are great meetings there.
I also know that even with GPS on the phone, it often doesn't work in Boston. The signal lags, even with LTE, and there are so many people navigating streets that were originally horse trails.
I lived in the area for 30 years, and still got lost, regularly. I dated someone who went to a college in Cambridge and NEVER EVER came and went from their house the same way, for the entire 6 months, because I ALWAYS got lost, or subject to road construction. You are validated. Use public transit and cabs as much as possible. When people here tell me they are vacationing in Boston I always recommend to bring good shoes and to save the rental car money and use the T or cabs. It will be so much less stressful, and its what most people who live there do.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Thank you everyone for your words. And for your time. 
I sat in the back of the car and just cried and cried and cried and cried. I feel so helpless. I'm dizzy with anxiety as all these life events are forcing me to be present and I just want to leave my body. I get depersonalization and I just check out.
While the tears are streaming down my face, I say outloud - seriously universe ? Seriously ?!?! Seriously. I'm 1000 miles away from my mother. I have to complete this move before I return there. I can't move her in until tomorrow.
Just then....at that exact moment....a huge feather floats by the window....
I sat in the back of the car and just cried and cried and cried and cried. I feel so helpless. I'm dizzy with anxiety as all these life events are forcing me to be present and I just want to leave my body. I get depersonalization and I just check out.
While the tears are streaming down my face, I say outloud - seriously universe ? Seriously ?!?! Seriously. I'm 1000 miles away from my mother. I have to complete this move before I return there. I can't move her in until tomorrow.
Just then....at that exact moment....a huge feather floats by the window....
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
And I quote:
You're doing great. It takes perseverance and you have that. The amazing amount of love you show for your family is obvious. They know it, they feel it. Keep pouring it on.
Just then....at that exact moment....a huge feather floats by the window....
__________________
~ I promise, if you continue searching for everything beautiful in this life, you will eventually become it...~ tyler kent white
__________________
~ I promise, if you continue searching for everything beautiful in this life, you will eventually become it...~ tyler kent white
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
(((AO)))
Hold on to that feather.... the universe is not ignoring or punishing you. You are stretched between coasts and duties. You cannot be all things to all people. You are doing the very best you can. Cry your heart out. It is very cathartic. It will all be OK GF
Hold on to that feather.... the universe is not ignoring or punishing you. You are stretched between coasts and duties. You cannot be all things to all people. You are doing the very best you can. Cry your heart out. It is very cathartic. It will all be OK GF
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