It hit the fan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
It hit the fan
Unbelievable. I don't even know where to start.
So for the past year or so I've been working on creating a new business with a seemingly great partner. We built a website and purchased a software program to manage our various vacation rentals.
We started having personal difficulties after a few months, but as we worked mostly independently it chugged along for a while. However, a month or so ago we decided to go our separate ways after finishing out the season. He offered to buy me out as he wants to keep the website and software, to which I agreed.
It came time for him to pay up- both to me and more importantly the home owners for the rent they are owed- and he is refusing to pay. He now claims that I owe him money and as such he will deduct that from the rent the homeowners are owed. These are homes I brought to the table, so he is doing this only from their payments.
I am broke as a joke. I do not have money to pay these people and I need the money that I am owed for the work I did for over a year.
What he is doing is illegal! Even if it were true I owed him money (it is absolutely not) he cannot take money away from the home owners with whom he has a contract. Thank GOD, we saw things were going strangely and we both delayed signing a formal agreement. As such he is the sole owner of the company that contracted with the homeowners.
When all this started going down, Friday night, I started drinking. I did not drink Saturday but drank again all day yesterday.
I drove drunk. I was drunk around my kids. My boyfriend walked out on me because I was drunk (not for good but for the night). I am a complete and total mess. I am drowning. I have no idea how to get out of this. I am obviously going to contact a lawyer but just the thought of this fight ahead makes me sick to my stomach.
The only good thing to come out of this, the only good thing, is that my children's father's family (one of the home owners), my best friend here and my boyfriend have circled the wagons and are fully supporting me. Today my friend came by to visit and had a one on one intervention with me. My boyfriend arrived shortly after and also made it clear. Enough is enough. And it is, this is it. I know in my heart of hearts I will not drink again, this is my very last chance. I have to say, and I know, and both my friend and my boyfriend said that the change is all on me. But it felt so good to hear someone tell me to stop. No one has ever told me clearly, "STOP" by boyfriend has always been "well, I don't want to be around you when you are drunk but I love you regardless and won't tell you what to do" My friend knows my struggle but would always meet me for a glass of wine or offer me wine at her house. But she clearly said "no, I will not drink with you ever again" I am fully aware that this is childish of me, this need to feel like my problem is noticed and causes concern, but that's what it is. I felt cared for and loved and taken care of to hear them say these things.
This is finally it. I am 150% done, there is no doubt in my mind.
Today has been horrible and I will have many more horrible days to come as I deal with this very expensive mess and fraud. My life is out of control, unmanageable and completely insane with alcohol in it. The only way to deal with all of this horribleness is to stay clear headed and go forward one day at a time.
So for the past year or so I've been working on creating a new business with a seemingly great partner. We built a website and purchased a software program to manage our various vacation rentals.
We started having personal difficulties after a few months, but as we worked mostly independently it chugged along for a while. However, a month or so ago we decided to go our separate ways after finishing out the season. He offered to buy me out as he wants to keep the website and software, to which I agreed.
It came time for him to pay up- both to me and more importantly the home owners for the rent they are owed- and he is refusing to pay. He now claims that I owe him money and as such he will deduct that from the rent the homeowners are owed. These are homes I brought to the table, so he is doing this only from their payments.
I am broke as a joke. I do not have money to pay these people and I need the money that I am owed for the work I did for over a year.
What he is doing is illegal! Even if it were true I owed him money (it is absolutely not) he cannot take money away from the home owners with whom he has a contract. Thank GOD, we saw things were going strangely and we both delayed signing a formal agreement. As such he is the sole owner of the company that contracted with the homeowners.
When all this started going down, Friday night, I started drinking. I did not drink Saturday but drank again all day yesterday.
I drove drunk. I was drunk around my kids. My boyfriend walked out on me because I was drunk (not for good but for the night). I am a complete and total mess. I am drowning. I have no idea how to get out of this. I am obviously going to contact a lawyer but just the thought of this fight ahead makes me sick to my stomach.
The only good thing to come out of this, the only good thing, is that my children's father's family (one of the home owners), my best friend here and my boyfriend have circled the wagons and are fully supporting me. Today my friend came by to visit and had a one on one intervention with me. My boyfriend arrived shortly after and also made it clear. Enough is enough. And it is, this is it. I know in my heart of hearts I will not drink again, this is my very last chance. I have to say, and I know, and both my friend and my boyfriend said that the change is all on me. But it felt so good to hear someone tell me to stop. No one has ever told me clearly, "STOP" by boyfriend has always been "well, I don't want to be around you when you are drunk but I love you regardless and won't tell you what to do" My friend knows my struggle but would always meet me for a glass of wine or offer me wine at her house. But she clearly said "no, I will not drink with you ever again" I am fully aware that this is childish of me, this need to feel like my problem is noticed and causes concern, but that's what it is. I felt cared for and loved and taken care of to hear them say these things.
This is finally it. I am 150% done, there is no doubt in my mind.
Today has been horrible and I will have many more horrible days to come as I deal with this very expensive mess and fraud. My life is out of control, unmanageable and completely insane with alcohol in it. The only way to deal with all of this horribleness is to stay clear headed and go forward one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Mera, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think it's good, however that your friend and boyfriend are standing firm. You probably already know that drinking won't solve anything and if you value your boyfriend, friend and, most importantly, yourself, then it is time to get real about staying sober. Think about what steps you need to take to prevent repeat performances!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
You are facing it and taking action.
It sounds like you're done with the booze--crap hitting the fan is exactly what it took for me too but then I was done.
Hugs
You will come out of this stronger and sober.
Just take it one small thing at a time.
It sounds like you're done with the booze--crap hitting the fan is exactly what it took for me too but then I was done.
Hugs
You will come out of this stronger and sober.
Just take it one small thing at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Life is difficult. I've experienced the **** hitting the fan in sobriety - the end of a relationship and finding out I'm HIV+. I didn't drink over it. There is NOTHING in this world that a drink will solve. I walked through it all with the love and support of my family, and with the love, support, experience, strength and hope of the people in AA, who had shown me that life on life's terms is possible without having to drink. I've come through it all and am now stronger.
You don't have to pick up a drink, even if your ass is falling off. And you don't have to do any of it all on your own. Welcome to the beginning of a new life. And just keep doing the next right thing...don't worry about the bigger picture, just what's right in front of you, right now. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I wish someone I loved and respected would have taken me to task about my drinking. I believe I would have pondered quitting sooner, instead of having it normalized. Believe me, as a daughter of an active alcoholic and the only one of my FOO who refuses to normalize/enable my mother's drinking, I can tell you that what your boyfriend and best friend are doing is incredibly gutsy, painful, and beyond loving. Show them that you accept the gift of their incredible love and care for you and do everything you can to get and stay sober. Right now they love you the way that YOU should love you.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Sorry to hear of your business troubles, wish I had advice that would help on that front.
As for being a nondrinker(becoming, being) I have experience , reflections and observations. It seems you may have been missing the one ingredient for success , but now you have it, The removal of doubt, if you mean this 'all the way down' and decide that you are going to quit, You Can .
I assume you know all the support SR can bring , along with all the 'tips' and strategies for holding on and riding through the rough parts of early quitting and help to keep the resolve in the long run. But the truth is those things can't get you there and only work as support , they are a great source of help when you are there. Hope you are there. You can Do this, wish you well
As for being a nondrinker(becoming, being) I have experience , reflections and observations. It seems you may have been missing the one ingredient for success , but now you have it, The removal of doubt, if you mean this 'all the way down' and decide that you are going to quit, You Can .
I assume you know all the support SR can bring , along with all the 'tips' and strategies for holding on and riding through the rough parts of early quitting and help to keep the resolve in the long run. But the truth is those things can't get you there and only work as support , they are a great source of help when you are there. Hope you are there. You can Do this, wish you well
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
Mera, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm glad you realize how dangerous this was, for you and your children.
It sounds like you will be needing to pay a lawyer to deal with the work-related issues and that will be costly too. But, you have support from your boyfriend and your friend and from us here, too.
It sounds like you will be needing to pay a lawyer to deal with the work-related issues and that will be costly too. But, you have support from your boyfriend and your friend and from us here, too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Mera, you can turn this around. It sounds like your will is strong and you've got the support you need.
Now it's up to you. We are here for you, but you've got to be strong for yourself.
You can do this.
Now it's up to you. We are here for you, but you've got to be strong for yourself.
You can do this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear of your troubles Mera. What are you prepared to do to stay sober this time around? I don't mean that in a derogatory way at all, but you've had many, many situations that have led you to choose drinking in the past year. What specific actions will you take to assure that you won't drink the next time something stressful happens?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
"The only good thing to come out of this, the only good thing...."
Well... the other good thing that could come out of this if you let it is a lifetime of sobriety, freedom and joy.....
It's up to you.
Did the drinking help? Did it sort out your current problems? Did your drinking change the behavior of your business partner? Did your drinking put your clients at ease? Did your drinking reveal to you new and unseen answers to all of your problems? Did you find that drinking made things all better?
It's up to you.
Are you now, finally, really, truly, absolutely, ready to EMBRACE SOBRIETY??? Active, change-based, full-on, all-around sobriety?
Because I promise you; it's a LOT better.
Well... the other good thing that could come out of this if you let it is a lifetime of sobriety, freedom and joy.....
It's up to you.
Did the drinking help? Did it sort out your current problems? Did your drinking change the behavior of your business partner? Did your drinking put your clients at ease? Did your drinking reveal to you new and unseen answers to all of your problems? Did you find that drinking made things all better?
It's up to you.
Are you now, finally, really, truly, absolutely, ready to EMBRACE SOBRIETY??? Active, change-based, full-on, all-around sobriety?
Because I promise you; it's a LOT better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
It's just awful, I cannot believe this has happened. But no, nothing became better by drinking. I was out of my mind when I found out what was going on, I wanted to die, I just went completely nuts. I still don't' know how I am going to resolve this but I do need to go at it with a clear head.
What will I change this time? I honestly don't know. I honestly don't. I feel like I am doing everything I can. Going to AA, reading the big book, posting here, reflecting on sobriety daily, going to the addiction center, speaking to a psychologist….
I do know though the very real threat of my only sources of support walking out on me has shaken me to the core. It was also something I think I was subconsciously, or even consciously waiting on. For the person who claims to love me the most to notice my pain and struggle and speak up about it. He supported me, sort of, but then would offer a drink while out, or bring wine to the house when I prepared dinner.
It's up to me, not him. But knowing now that he realizes the extent of the problem and is prepared to walk out on me if I do not change is huge for me.
The gig is up. I know, really and truly, that no matter what happens, no matter the stress or the occasion or circumstances I cannot have that first sip. Ever. Never, ever again.
What will I change this time? I honestly don't know. I honestly don't. I feel like I am doing everything I can. Going to AA, reading the big book, posting here, reflecting on sobriety daily, going to the addiction center, speaking to a psychologist….
I do know though the very real threat of my only sources of support walking out on me has shaken me to the core. It was also something I think I was subconsciously, or even consciously waiting on. For the person who claims to love me the most to notice my pain and struggle and speak up about it. He supported me, sort of, but then would offer a drink while out, or bring wine to the house when I prepared dinner.
It's up to me, not him. But knowing now that he realizes the extent of the problem and is prepared to walk out on me if I do not change is huge for me.
The gig is up. I know, really and truly, that no matter what happens, no matter the stress or the occasion or circumstances I cannot have that first sip. Ever. Never, ever again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,861
I am so sorry, Mera, that you are going through such a difficult and uncertain time.
It sounds as though it will take some time to sort out your work/financial situation. Amidst the confusion and uncertainty, however, you can look to your sobriety as a stronghold and source of strength; it can be your anchor and port in the storm. It can be the positivity within you from which you draw support and ratification.
We are with you, Mera; lean on us.
It sounds as though it will take some time to sort out your work/financial situation. Amidst the confusion and uncertainty, however, you can look to your sobriety as a stronghold and source of strength; it can be your anchor and port in the storm. It can be the positivity within you from which you draw support and ratification.
We are with you, Mera; lean on us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
I'm so sorry mera - I think a lawyer is a good idea.
I was very pleased to read this too, by the way:
you got it 
D
I was very pleased to read this too, by the way:
The only way to deal with all of this horribleness is to stay clear headed and go forward one day at a time.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I've woken up fresh after a long 12 hour sleep and am ready to face this now. I have to gather a lot of materials for the lawyer. I hate fighting with people. This is really one of the worst things imaginable.
The only thing I feel good about is that for once and for all alcohol is completely off the table. Not an option.
I am hoping my boyfriend can come to my house tonight to babysit my kids so I can go to the weekly aa meeting.
The only thing I feel good about is that for once and for all alcohol is completely off the table. Not an option.
I am hoping my boyfriend can come to my house tonight to babysit my kids so I can go to the weekly aa meeting.
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