ElleDee

Good morning everyone... Just want to share a story from my weekend. I am still somewhat disturbed. My ex-husband showed up on my doorstep Saturday morning without any warning. In the last 5 years we've had contact twice. So I don't see him, not in contact with him. Our breakup was bad and it took me a lot of years to let go of the anger and hurt. Shortly after we split 24 years ago, he found a girlfriend and they have lived together ever since. Never married. There's a lot of crap between then and now with regard to him and our children and a book could be written. I won't go into all of it.

I knew his girlfriend drank. He was never much of a drinker but my son relayed stories when he was living there for a while 15 years ago of the drama resulting from too much drinking on her part, we all know how it goes. Well my ex proceeded to tell me his girlfriend was dead at the age of 54. He claimed that he came to see me because he found my phone number in her phone after the fact and was wondering if she ever reached me. Well she didn't because that was a disconnected number. He thought she wanted to try to reconnect with my kids (makes no sense to me) but people do stuff when their drunk. Anyway, the part of the story that disturbs me is this woman who I knew a little, not much... drank herself to death. He said the last 2 months especially were hell. In and out of ER's because she was constantly falling or injuring herself. Her coming home after drinking all battered and bruised with no clue how it happened. She lost her job. As fast as he could get rid of the bottles, she got more. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't take care of herself. He tried to help her with those things, even feed her as much as he could. Also tried to get her in some sort of rehab but she wouldn't go. "Death wish" he said. He went on to say that she went so far as to carve a hole in the couch cushions to hide her booze bottle and he never discovered that until after she was dead. He came home one day from work and found her cold and stiff in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor.

Oh good Lord in Heaven... my heart was breaking for him. He was in tears. He's been estranged from his children for years and both of his parents are dead, he's also estranged from his only brother. I had those same feelings I used to have when we were married. He was like a wounded animal with this deep pain that I could never help him with. I tried. But like a wounded animal he tended to lash out. He could be so mean and so verbally abusive I finally had to leave. I wasn't perfect either and at that time there was no alcohol abuse on my part. However I was using food to cope and that was an issue for us too because of my weight going up and up.

Putting aside our past relationship and his issues, the fact that this woman ended up dead on the bathroom floor at 54 years old... it haunts me. I know it can happen... but you never think it's going to... I was probably on my way to that. There was a time that if I didn't have a wonderful new job on the horizon and a man (and children) who would not have tolerated it and I'm quite sure thrown me out and denied my contact with my grandsons... who knows? She maybe felt there was nothing to live for. I felt like I had things to live for and only by the Grace of God and help of other people I managed to not get to that point. Oh and I often wonder why I was a lucky one.

I just needed to share with you all. Thanks for being here for me.

ArtFriend

Wow... I am sorry you had to go thru that. Why did he come over to your house? Could he not call you? That is so sad that she died that way. My step-father died in the exact same way (pool of blood in bathroom) and he was 53. My mom found him after coming home from work. It traumatized her as I am sure it did with your ex. Very sad.

Ruby2

Oh, Elle, I'm sorry. How sad and scary. It would have been me, too, if I'd continued drinking. That's a lot to process.

Soberwolf

ElleDee

I think he just wanted to talk to someone. He was very tearful. He used the excuse that he wanted our kids to know because they had spent time with her when they were younger. There was no formal service for her or anything.

I found my next door neighbor dead on her living room floor... natural causes, she was 80 and THAT was traumatic. I can't imagine what it's like when they go like she did.

Nonsensical

That stinks for you Elle.

But thanks for the stark reminder - the difference between drinking yourself to death and recovery is razor thin and fragile. We should never take it for granted.

ccam1973

Sorry you had to deal with that ElleDee. That's a sad situation.

"Oh and I often wonder why I was a lucky one."... I think you were the strong one!