tired of the tears
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Houston
Posts: 1
tired of the tears
for days I have tried to figure out which of my friends I can talk to about what is going on in my family and i am so embarrassed by what has happened here that I looked for an online forum and found this one.
short story long? I am almost 46 years old - 1 year, 1 month 2 weeks ago I decided to take a break from drinking - i was a bottle of wine a night drinker... but i knew I needed to stop drinking like that and try to drink in moderation, and my husband was praying that i would quit. you never knew which girl you were gonna get at the bottom of that bottle - either fun and happy or mean as mean can get.
I only intended to take a break for about a week. as the days rolled on i realized God had literally delivered me from drinking all together - wasnt in my plan but it was in His.
today, my family calls me HOLIER THAN THO because I FOUND GOD. first off, i never lost Him. but anyway, my mother got drunk on friday night and has done her damnest to get everyoen in my famly to hate me, even going so far as to try to get my kids to turn against me.
They finally broke me and put me into tears the last 2 days. I have had to block them from every site I am part of - i tried to block their cell numbers but it didnt work. my brother is threatening me and myu son - my some is continualy throwing fuel on the fire - my brother and I have had 1 fight in our whole adult life. Im pretty sure i will never talk to my mother or brother again. the things that were said were flat out disgusting. i am embarrased to be a part of that bloodline. has this happened to anyone else??
short story long? I am almost 46 years old - 1 year, 1 month 2 weeks ago I decided to take a break from drinking - i was a bottle of wine a night drinker... but i knew I needed to stop drinking like that and try to drink in moderation, and my husband was praying that i would quit. you never knew which girl you were gonna get at the bottom of that bottle - either fun and happy or mean as mean can get.
I only intended to take a break for about a week. as the days rolled on i realized God had literally delivered me from drinking all together - wasnt in my plan but it was in His.
today, my family calls me HOLIER THAN THO because I FOUND GOD. first off, i never lost Him. but anyway, my mother got drunk on friday night and has done her damnest to get everyoen in my famly to hate me, even going so far as to try to get my kids to turn against me.
They finally broke me and put me into tears the last 2 days. I have had to block them from every site I am part of - i tried to block their cell numbers but it didnt work. my brother is threatening me and myu son - my some is continualy throwing fuel on the fire - my brother and I have had 1 fight in our whole adult life. Im pretty sure i will never talk to my mother or brother again. the things that were said were flat out disgusting. i am embarrased to be a part of that bloodline. has this happened to anyone else??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
I was pretty much a bottle of wine a night drinker too
And like you it was russian roulette... I could be absolutely charming all night or a deranged psycho.
Sorry to hear about your ma, I've been fighting on and off withbmy family all year xoxo
Keep your head up
And like you it was russian roulette... I could be absolutely charming all night or a deranged psycho.
Sorry to hear about your ma, I've been fighting on and off withbmy family all year xoxo
Keep your head up
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
I've never experienced such extreme but my family does sabotage my sobriety. No matter how many times I tell them I want to quit, they just laugh and tell me that if I learn to moderate, I'll be so much happier. But there is no moderation, like yourself I drink till bottle is empty and it is sad.... The next morning, like yourself, I'm in tears and feel like such a failure as I could not stand up to them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Im sorry to hear about this situation with
your family and yes as sad as it maybe to
reach out to total strangers in recovery
for help other than your family, many of
us have been there, done that same similar
situation as you.
It hurts most of all especially in families
where this illness lives and affects all whom
are involved and yet they become the ones
that don't understand, don't have the knowledge
of addiction other than being a gutter drunk,
broken down drinker, someone who has
lost it all, etc,
When I entered recovery 25 yrs ago, not
by my choice, but thru my husband and
family at that time, did an intervention on
me placing me into the hands of those
knowledgeable about addiction and was
able to teach me about it.
After my 28 day instay rehab, the ball
was in my court and it was my responsibility
to take what was taught to me and carry
on in my own recovery continueing to
learn healthy ways to remain sober one
day at a time. And I did and I have for many
one days at a time down the road.
My family of orgin, parent, siblings, spouse
and family whom Ive divorced from, remarried
today happier, healthier and honest for 6
yrs now, all of them figured that once I learned
to not drink anymore and that I was cured
and didn't need to depend on my AA recovery
program, the fellowship who has been my
constant support thru lifes ever changing
events.
I tried soooo many times over the past
yrs to explain it to them what and who
I am and what is needed for me to live
a sober life each day , with them not
understanding till I had had enough,
realizing that I cant make anyone understand
something they have no knowledge of
or understanding of.
Accepting them just as they are, letting them
go, moving on with my own life and placing
them into the Hands of the Man upstairs or
my HP = Higher Power, or God of my understanding
and upbringing, takes all that stress and burden
off my shoulders and can live my life for me
and what is good for me to remain sober each
day.
It was explained to me that in order for
the entire family to communicate, understand
each other and continue to grow as a healthy
family unit then all must be working some sort
of recovery program designed for each member
of the family.
In my case, my family, no one seemed
to want to work on this illness that affects
everyone and thus has separated, divorced,
split me from them as sad as it may sound.
Today, that is not my problem any longer
because I have moved on living life acceptable
to me and my life. A sober life worth enjoying
each and everyday Im healthy, happy and honest.
Do what will benefit you and ur well being
is all I can suggest to you and continue to
learn how others with this similar situation
in their lives and have found a solution that
works.
your family and yes as sad as it maybe to
reach out to total strangers in recovery
for help other than your family, many of
us have been there, done that same similar
situation as you.
It hurts most of all especially in families
where this illness lives and affects all whom
are involved and yet they become the ones
that don't understand, don't have the knowledge
of addiction other than being a gutter drunk,
broken down drinker, someone who has
lost it all, etc,
When I entered recovery 25 yrs ago, not
by my choice, but thru my husband and
family at that time, did an intervention on
me placing me into the hands of those
knowledgeable about addiction and was
able to teach me about it.
After my 28 day instay rehab, the ball
was in my court and it was my responsibility
to take what was taught to me and carry
on in my own recovery continueing to
learn healthy ways to remain sober one
day at a time. And I did and I have for many
one days at a time down the road.
My family of orgin, parent, siblings, spouse
and family whom Ive divorced from, remarried
today happier, healthier and honest for 6
yrs now, all of them figured that once I learned
to not drink anymore and that I was cured
and didn't need to depend on my AA recovery
program, the fellowship who has been my
constant support thru lifes ever changing
events.
I tried soooo many times over the past
yrs to explain it to them what and who
I am and what is needed for me to live
a sober life each day , with them not
understanding till I had had enough,
realizing that I cant make anyone understand
something they have no knowledge of
or understanding of.
Accepting them just as they are, letting them
go, moving on with my own life and placing
them into the Hands of the Man upstairs or
my HP = Higher Power, or God of my understanding
and upbringing, takes all that stress and burden
off my shoulders and can live my life for me
and what is good for me to remain sober each
day.
It was explained to me that in order for
the entire family to communicate, understand
each other and continue to grow as a healthy
family unit then all must be working some sort
of recovery program designed for each member
of the family.
In my case, my family, no one seemed
to want to work on this illness that affects
everyone and thus has separated, divorced,
split me from them as sad as it may sound.
Today, that is not my problem any longer
because I have moved on living life acceptable
to me and my life. A sober life worth enjoying
each and everyday Im healthy, happy and honest.
Do what will benefit you and ur well being
is all I can suggest to you and continue to
learn how others with this similar situation
in their lives and have found a solution that
works.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm glad you posted and good for you for stopping drinking.
It seems your family is upset that you no longer drink? Then, maybe it's time to take a step back and just breathe for a little bit and regain your balance. I agree that in no way should you accept abuse from anyone, including family members.
It seems your family is upset that you no longer drink? Then, maybe it's time to take a step back and just breathe for a little bit and regain your balance. I agree that in no way should you accept abuse from anyone, including family members.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
All this over stopping drinking? Really?
I would do as others say, step back and ignore them.
Let them leave messages instead of picking up their calls.
Don't engage with them on social media.
Keep your distance.
They are the one's in the wrong, not you.
Sometimes when we address our drinking issues, it makes other people uneasy about their own drinking.
They feel uncomfortable drinking themselves around us who have stopped.
It won't be a big deal in a few months time for them. But in all honesty, it should not be a deal now, which it seems to be.
If you and your husband are happy, then really thats all that matters.
I would do as others say, step back and ignore them.
Let them leave messages instead of picking up their calls.
Don't engage with them on social media.
Keep your distance.
They are the one's in the wrong, not you.
Sometimes when we address our drinking issues, it makes other people uneasy about their own drinking.
They feel uncomfortable drinking themselves around us who have stopped.
It won't be a big deal in a few months time for them. But in all honesty, it should not be a deal now, which it seems to be.
If you and your husband are happy, then really thats all that matters.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Everyone is fighting some kind of battle... And we can really only tend to our own.
Whatever is going on between you and your family, cannot be worth jeopardizing your sobriety.
Do you have emotional support? Perhaps a counselor or therapist you can talk through these things with? Sometimes family dynamics can be difficult to understand and navigate, and a qualified, experienced third party can help is being some clarity to difficult circumstances.
Whatever the situation with your family or others, I hope you are able to honor your sobriety as a #1 priority and make space for healthy ways of dealing with the stress and frustration that your family dynamics may bring.
We're here for you, as well. This is a good place to vent and find support, which is often the greatest need we have in these situations.
Whatever is going on between you and your family, cannot be worth jeopardizing your sobriety.
Do you have emotional support? Perhaps a counselor or therapist you can talk through these things with? Sometimes family dynamics can be difficult to understand and navigate, and a qualified, experienced third party can help is being some clarity to difficult circumstances.
Whatever the situation with your family or others, I hope you are able to honor your sobriety as a #1 priority and make space for healthy ways of dealing with the stress and frustration that your family dynamics may bring.
We're here for you, as well. This is a good place to vent and find support, which is often the greatest need we have in these situations.
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