I will not be defined by alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 418
I will not be defined by alcoholism
It's been a little while since I made a post here. For anyone wondering, I'm still sober and going strong.
I do read here regularly and it's occurred to me that one thing which repulsed me about becoming sober was the stereotype we see in the media and sometimes in real life.
The stereotype I speak of is that person who defines themselves mainly by their alcoholism. That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic. That parody of patrician virtue whose farts don't smell because they're strong enough to deny themselves alcohol.
I never wanted to be that guy. The moraliser.
Some good news for those in the same boat as me - you don't have to have a smarmy superior attitude to abstain from alcohol. There isn't even any need to look down on those who do drink. You just need to concentrate on what you're doing.
I know that some people may be offended by what I've said, but remember that this is what I thought when I did drink. Only the parody of an alcoholic - whose life only consists of not drinking and doing the "lord's work" - whatever that is.
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
For those on here who are already doing it - thanks. I've read a lot of member's posts - probably yours as well.
Humans don't fit a mold and one size doesn't fit all when it comes to giving up our reliance on booze. I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.
I do read here regularly and it's occurred to me that one thing which repulsed me about becoming sober was the stereotype we see in the media and sometimes in real life.
The stereotype I speak of is that person who defines themselves mainly by their alcoholism. That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic. That parody of patrician virtue whose farts don't smell because they're strong enough to deny themselves alcohol.
I never wanted to be that guy. The moraliser.
Some good news for those in the same boat as me - you don't have to have a smarmy superior attitude to abstain from alcohol. There isn't even any need to look down on those who do drink. You just need to concentrate on what you're doing.
I know that some people may be offended by what I've said, but remember that this is what I thought when I did drink. Only the parody of an alcoholic - whose life only consists of not drinking and doing the "lord's work" - whatever that is.
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
For those on here who are already doing it - thanks. I've read a lot of member's posts - probably yours as well.
Humans don't fit a mold and one size doesn't fit all when it comes to giving up our reliance on booze. I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
“I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.”
GOTCHA, to me it’s not that important because for a lot of years I’ve chosen to not drink alcohol because I can’t drink in safety, mine, yours or others in the vicinity.
If I become unaccepting and drink again it’s because my values have reached the point of when I was drinking and probably be committed to a place one does not desire to reside or looking up at the grass roots.
BE WELL
“I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.”
GOTCHA, to me it’s not that important because for a lot of years I’ve chosen to not drink alcohol because I can’t drink in safety, mine, yours or others in the vicinity.
If I become unaccepting and drink again it’s because my values have reached the point of when I was drinking and probably be committed to a place one does not desire to reside or looking up at the grass roots.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by DrunkenDonuts 
The stereotype I speak of is that person who defines themselves mainly by their alcoholism. That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic. That parody of patrician virtue whose farts don't smell because they're strong enough to deny themselves alcohol. .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
Then don't. Don't hang out at AA, don't preach about alcohol, don't use Sobriety as a superiority complex. Go out and live. And accept that others can drink, just not you. And don't overthink it.
~Bunnez
~Bunnez
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
I used to think as long as I went to work, didn't get a DUI, and paid my bills on time I wasn't an alcoholic. There is a stereotypic alcoholic and that is someone homeless person in the end stages. I found out after being on this site that I was probably more typical that that image. Just a regular person who drank a little, then a little more until they lose control.
It's probably like that for people who are recovering or recovered. You wouldn't know it to look at their arrest record or credit score. I know myself that there isn't much someone could have done to get me to see it before I did. I just wasn't ready so I don't preach to those that drink excessively. I figured it out and so will they.
It's probably like that for people who are recovering or recovered. You wouldn't know it to look at their arrest record or credit score. I know myself that there isn't much someone could have done to get me to see it before I did. I just wasn't ready so I don't preach to those that drink excessively. I figured it out and so will they.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by silentrun
I just wasn't ready so I don't preach to those that drink excessively. I figured it out and so will they.
That’s easy to say but the problem I and many had/have is we don’t know what we don’t know.
That may be because our brain may be ready to hear or it may be too mushy and needs more sober time to think logically. Many don’t make it and are permanently in institutions which many don’t appreciate.
It often saddens me that over the years of so many good likeable and talented people didn’t “get it.” And are now departed.
This is very a serious disease we should not take lightly because it effects so many besides the one with the problem.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Great viewpoints from everyone her, including the OP!
IMHO, I believe most times someone is coming off as having a superiority complex, they are actually trying to get an alcoholic to stop holding a loaded gun to their head.
It's that serious.
I understand there are people (everywhere, not just recovery) that are arrogant, etc; It's all about balance.
IMHO, I believe most times someone is coming off as having a superiority complex, they are actually trying to get an alcoholic to stop holding a loaded gun to their head.
It's that serious.
I understand there are people (everywhere, not just recovery) that are arrogant, etc; It's all about balance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
For someone who doesn't want to be a moraliser, you seem very ready to pass judgement on the other people who are also in recovery from an addiction. I know you haven't been naming specific people but it's better to be as kind as possible to our fellows because otherwise they could prove judgemental and impatient towards us in return.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic.
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
but if group B DID talk about their problems with alcohol and their recovery wouldn't they then be in Group A??????
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
but if group B DID talk about their problems with alcohol and their recovery wouldn't they then be in Group A??????
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
DD, I tend to agree with a lot of what you said. The question of being an alcoholic to my mind matters only to those who drink, or who might ever drink again. If you have chosen, for life, to never drink again, the question is pretty pointless.
Like Bunnez, said, if you accept your lifelong relationship with alcohol, as in never, then just get on with living a good, happy, fulfilled and joyful life. Let those who don't feel that way or can't feel that way, address their own issues as they must. Onward!
Like Bunnez, said, if you accept your lifelong relationship with alcohol, as in never, then just get on with living a good, happy, fulfilled and joyful life. Let those who don't feel that way or can't feel that way, address their own issues as they must. Onward!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The reason I work a program of recovery is so I can have a normal life. My recovery is part of me and always will be but it doesn't define me.
I have a hard enough keeping myself sober so I don't worry to much about what keeps other people sober
I have a hard enough keeping myself sober so I don't worry to much about what keeps other people sober
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Casper, WY
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by DrunkenDonuts
It's been a little while since I made a post here. For anyone wondering, I'm still sober and going strong.
I do read here regularly and it's occurred to me that one thing which repulsed me about becoming sober was the stereotype we see in the media and sometimes in real life.
The stereotype I speak of is that person who defines themselves mainly by their alcoholism. That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic. That parody of patrician virtue whose farts don't smell because they're strong enough to deny themselves alcohol.
I never wanted to be that guy. The moraliser.
Some good news for those in the same boat as me - you don't have to have a smarmy superior attitude to abstain from alcohol. There isn't even any need to look down on those who do drink. You just need to concentrate on what you're doing.
I know that some people may be offended by what I've said, but remember that this is what I thought when I did drink. Only the parody of an alcoholic - whose life only consists of not drinking and doing the "lord's work" - whatever that is.
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
For those on here who are already doing it - thanks. I've read a lot of member's posts - probably yours as well.
Humans don't fit a mold and one size doesn't fit all when it comes to giving up our reliance on booze. I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.
I do read here regularly and it's occurred to me that one thing which repulsed me about becoming sober was the stereotype we see in the media and sometimes in real life.
The stereotype I speak of is that person who defines themselves mainly by their alcoholism. That serious person who goes to AA several times a week who lets everyone know that they're a recovering alcoholic. That parody of patrician virtue whose farts don't smell because they're strong enough to deny themselves alcohol.
I never wanted to be that guy. The moraliser.
Some good news for those in the same boat as me - you don't have to have a smarmy superior attitude to abstain from alcohol. There isn't even any need to look down on those who do drink. You just need to concentrate on what you're doing.
I know that some people may be offended by what I've said, but remember that this is what I thought when I did drink. Only the parody of an alcoholic - whose life only consists of not drinking and doing the "lord's work" - whatever that is.
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
For those on here who are already doing it - thanks. I've read a lot of member's posts - probably yours as well.
Humans don't fit a mold and one size doesn't fit all when it comes to giving up our reliance on booze. I choose not to be defined by my being unable to handle alcohol.
You don't want to be a guy on a soapbox about your recovery. So you get on a different soapbox to caterwaul about them being on a soapbox. Maybe that comes off as too generalized, but if we started out with stereotypes, why not continue with blanket generalizations?
Anecdotally, I've run into very few people whose recovery resembles what is described here. Between five and a half years in various AA rooms, two inpatient programs, and two long term (12-24 month) aftercare programs, which means literally hundreds of people, I can count on one hand the amount of people I feel get close to the working description you provide. As I said, its anecdotal, so its not to be taken as more than a personal experience.
(If I'd have known the difference between "anecdote," and "antidote...")
Wouldn't it be easier just to let them do their thing and you do yours?
Some of the best advice I was ever given was to mind my own business. If those with the "patrician virtues" who think "their farts don't smell" aren't bothering me, I don't have any right to tell them how to be in recovery. But I don't have to preach against them either.
"You're not recovering the way I do! You're doing it wrong!" sounds silly from both sides. If I have a problem with how someone is doing something, I'm part of it. I find it better for me to look inward than to point outward. Your mileage may vary.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
There are probably hundreds of people I meet every year who have a drinking problem and I never hear about it. Those people need to speak out more so that the iconic alcoholic stereotype can be smashed.
If the latter group did speak out more though, wouldn't they be in danger of becoming just like the former group of people who seem to irritate you so much?
Like Austin, am a big fan of minding my own business.....getting back to that right about.....now.... :-)
Wish you well
If the latter group did speak out more though, wouldn't they be in danger of becoming just like the former group of people who seem to irritate you so much?
Like Austin, am a big fan of minding my own business.....getting back to that right about.....now.... :-)
Wish you well
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Good for you mate 
I'm strongly in favour of people labelling themselves in whatever way works for them to stay strong and happy in recovery.
Labelling others is a different matter and to be honest I could have done without the last part of the post DD...
it doesn't fit the guy behind the post as I know him...it made you sound a little smarmy and superior.
D
I'm strongly in favour of people labelling themselves in whatever way works for them to stay strong and happy in recovery.
Labelling others is a different matter and to be honest I could have done without the last part of the post DD...
it doesn't fit the guy behind the post as I know him...it made you sound a little smarmy and superior.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Posts: 712
I don't judge anyone else, but what I won't have is others judging me. Each to their own I say. The thing that angers me is when I hear others talk about alcoholics and assume everyone is homeless on a park bench! What they fail to realise is they too are probably worse in some ways as they too more than likely have an unhealthy obsession with going out and drinking until they black out, just to be in on it with the crowd. Like I say let's not judge. Everyone is different.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Not a good thread folks. Judging others about judging others, standing on soapboxes while decrying others use of same, and even ad hominem from those who know better.
We are better than this.
We are better than this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I'm finding the longer you are in recovery and sober, the less the term "alcoholic" matters to me. I do things every day to help myself live a good sober life, I'm finding I don't give a rats ass about the stigma anymore. Just is, and I'm ok, and life is now good as long as I'm sober.
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