brynn

This is what Ive been telling myself the past few days.

Massive amounts of stress at home this past week. The particulars aren't important, but it's made me desperate for an escape...and escape through sleep just isn't cutting it.

So I've resorted to telling myself I can't drink/use today, but if I'm still feeling like this tomorrow I can.

I do need to say that I made my BP months ago and I know this kind of thinking is looked down upon by RR.
But I have to admit that I find it very comforting....which in a way kind of scares me (?). Do y'all think this is my Av or just a legitimate way to get through a really difficult time sober?

Austin4Wyo

Thats typically how I've approached it with this present 8 month stretch. I won't drink today. I've got things to do. I'll deal with tomorrow after I deal with today.

It irritated some of my AAer friends when I pass monthly milestones and didn't get my chip or anything, but I find much better success in thinking "The person with the most sobriety is the one who got up earliest and went to bed latest today." Forever is abstract and fluid. Today is far more tangible akd concrete for me.

If you go to bed sober, I wouldn't sweat it. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Take care of now, and tomorrow will sort itself out when the time is right.

jazzfish

Compartmentalizing things on a day-by-day basis is a very common approach to managing problems, dealing with stress, living life, and being mindful. If it helps you implement your decision successfully, then it is fine.

I am actually reading the Rational Recovery book now, and my interpretation is that you want to avoid the overly complicated, incurable, forever in need of support mentality, especially if that results in letting yourself off the hook for taking responsibility for your choices.

Dee74

If there's a ever present stress in your life and it's something you can do something about - even if the decision is hard - I urge you to do something brynn.

If you really feel you can't do anything about it right now, ramp up your support network - use SR and whatever other support you have

you can get through this

D

brynn

Thanks y'all.

I guess what I'm wondering is would you consider this a step backward....telling myself tomorrow instead of never again? Like I said, it's comforting...almost like a reprieve is in sight. Not sure what to make of that.

And Dee....my stressor has agreed to go to rehab which will give me some time to make some decisions.

Dee74

I made 24 hour commitments until I believed in myself enough to make more permanent ones.

I think it's important to back the decision up - 'I will not drink today' each morning rather than 'but who knows about tomorrow'...that little door opening just excites that poor little addict monkey brain too much.


The bottom line is tho...you don't drink, you don't go backwards, you're doing well

D

freshstart57

Brynn, are you asking if thoughts of drinking tomorrow might be AV? I am dang sure you know the answer to that one.

And that thought fof drinking again seems comforting, you write. Would it really be a comfort to you, or is it a comfort to IT? Is the thought of drinking really comforting to you? What would that look like to you? Would you be at peace going to sleep with a snootful? Would you be rested and content the next morning? This imagined contentment is only desired by the AV. It would only last a few minutes, but for the AV, that is all that really matters.

I know the answers to these questions for you, Brynn, and it is because I know them for myself. It would be hell for me to drink again, and I would take no comfort at all in the reality of it. A nightmare. A disaster. A death knell.

That is why I don't allow those thoughts to come through my reason to the point where they could actually ever be imagined or considered. I made my plan about ever drinking again, and I meant it. I will never do it, no matter what.

And I take comfort in knowing that is all behind me. There is great comfort in that.

There is something worth learning there for you, Brynn, about AVRT. Recognize it. Accept it. Separate from it. Then you can move forward, and onward. Safe, secure, strong, and proud. You deserve that, I think.

jaynie04

Hi brynn. I don't think you should pile any more stress on yourself about not doing RR perfectly right now. I think you just need to hang on to the reality that you will not feel this stressed forever. I think coming here and discussing where you are at is showing your AV who is boss. You are getting out in front of it and you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for that.

My opinion is that if you want to examine weak spots in your BP it might be better to way until the storm has passed. There were days early on when I told myself "just not now". It might not be model RR behavior but it worked for me when I was just putting one foot in front of the other.

I read a post of yours the other day and I was blown away at how you had embraced sobriety. I know your story so that made it even more special. The reason it worked this time is because you listened to your own heart, you have good instincts and I think you should look at all you have accomplished.

You are amazing, don't forget that. I hope you are holding your head high that you were able to accomplish a lifesaving task over the last year, that is huge. And keep outing that AV!

brynn

I really appreciate y'all sharing you're perspectives on this. When you're in the middle of the storm it's hard to see things objectively.

Y'all are so right. It's not the 'I won't drink today' part that's wrong thinking, it's the 'but I can tomorrow' that is the dangerous part. I do see that now. Thanks.

As for finding comfort in drinking. Freshstart nailed it.
And The comfort I perceived was not in the drinking but in the hope for escape. I just want to be unconscious but I have to be a grown up face this stuff head on and sober.

I'm pretty disappointed in myself for defaulting back to the drinking mentality after all this time. Even though I didn't drink, it all starts in the mind....it all starts with thinking there will be a time in the future that I can drink. I need to be more mindful of that.

SoberLeigh

Live in the simplicity of the goodness of each sober day, dear brynn, and carry that goodness forward - it builds.

I am sorry that you are struggling in thought; you will get through this, I am sure. Noone's journey is struggle but we are with you to see you through.

dwtbd

I hope today is a better day than yesterday, and that that tomorrow you spoke of doesn't materialize.
Don't discount your own strength, even if you question it yourself. A little wonky, but what I mean is, you are able to say and mean "I won't drink today" , don't forget this means that you Can, but choose not to. The statement and its implication is at once a testament to your fortitude and inspiration to use against any future wobble on , if any, the prospect of sustaining your own fortitude.
I think the AV hijacks the feeling of wanting an escape and identifies the escape with drinking(as if it would provide a different " solution"). Wanting relief from stress is not itself a symptom of an unsustainable sobriety , nor unwarranted. The AV tries to keep the two inextricably linked, the temporary" release" is the lie, nothing other than added stress is the reality.
Sober and head on will probably prove to be the best way to a solution, but that doesn't mean it has to be a "head long" lunge. Maybe try and identify and use some head gear or a helmet, or a tool that can allow some "chipping away at"?
You're strong and you have the key, don't question that believe it.
And don't forgot deep breaths , wish you well

brynn

So true DWTBD! Escape = drinking.....ive gotta break that link in my mind somehow. And I really needed to hear the part about wanting relief from stress doesnt mean unsustainable sobriety. Its just a matter of finding another way to get the relief....one that doesn't come with a hangover, self-loathing, and legal problems.

MesaMan

I don't 'do' ODAAT, myself.

I had a College Gal Pal who could not approach Cliff edges. She was drawn over the edge in some manner. There was a formal name for this 'Syndrome'. For me, ODAAT takes too much effort; like actively avoiding that Cliff after naively letting myself get drawn near it. I.e., falsely thinking 'hey, this time I can get near the Cliff and something fundamental within me will have changed'. Ummm, probably not. And, so it is with considering Drinking again.

One answer: erect internal Mental 'Structures' such that you don't approach that imaginary Cliff, and subsequently expend effort to avoid it. I.e., skip completely the known 'Cliff' of drinking again, as though it's some way out of the Stress or Pain. For me, the substantial effort of then having to avoid that Cliff of Drinking simply vanishes. You cannot fight what is not there anymore.

Thinking about 'Forever' is also oppressing. So, I just don't. Just. don't.

I decided to mentally carve out a niche where I focus on The Now. It becomes pretty effortless, actually. I'm not continually pushing back against 'anything'. My Mental Construct requires no energy expenditure that is wasteful, and it is one that's completely of my own Mental fabrication.

The need for 'escape' is absolutely normal. It's in our Evolutionary make-up.

Create new Paths 'out', and effortlessly pick one - control them - over time. These Paths become the new way 'out', sans Liquor Store stops. I've internalized this, and blissfully have no dependence on hit & miss, external Techniques that are less than 100% reliable. This then leads to what my Signature Line asserts.

Meanwhile...

- 'Breathe' ~ Anna Nalick ~ Live -
.

silentrun

I haven't used a method so I can't say if it's a step backward as far as RR goes. If it scares you then that is a good indication. I also think talking about it instead of keeping it inside is the way to handle it.

If I had a piece of advise to give my newly sober self it would be to concentrate on what is directly in front of me. I didn't so much use it for escape (in my mind). Every night I didn't drink I was breaking the pattern. If you stay sober through stress you are starting to break that pattern. It will just start feeling normal not to drink under stress and you will force yourself to find healthier alternatives.

brynn

Happy to report I'm feeling more like my old self...well, my old new self...meaning the girl who lives deliberately and knows she holds the key to her own destiny.

Mesa...I'm erecting those mental structures even now...and actually had a few partially erected but in my anxiety induced panic kinda bypassed them.
Drinking tomorrow, or ever, is not an option for me. Living in the now is good...and not drinking now is good, too. Mindfulness is key.

Silentrun....not only do we break the pattern each time we dont pick up (which is so cool) but we also become empowered and confident in our ability to keep ourselves abstinent no matter what. Love that!

MIRecovery

I am a big fan off RR and it was a significant portion of my early recovery but in the end I accepted the "Not drinking today" approach as as a more effective way of staying sober for me.

dwtbd

It seems like that is how it is at 'first' or early on , after identifying the 'No Matter What' category we fill it, and sometimes we may stumble across an item we didn't notice or had forgotten about. If tripping occurs bend down pick it up , examine it and then toss it in.

Carlotta

Hi Brynn

I am glad you are feeling better and I am glad your "stressor: agreed to go to rehab. He might or might not get sober but at least you will get a break.

I used the steps but I am a forever kind of gal. I know that drinking is not a viable option for me and never will be. I do use the one day or one task at a time approach when I have too much on my plate though, just not when it comes to drinking. I don't drink period and this is not negotiatble.

I would say, use whatever makes sense and is the most helpful for you at the time. Nothing is exactly cast in stone and sometimes it's good to be flexible in our outlook. Since last winter, my approach has been much more meditation and mindfulness but when I started, the steps got me off the ground and AVRT gave me techniques to nip that obnoxious little voice right in the bud.

I truly don't think there is a right or wrong approach, just different ways to look at and handle things.
For some, the idea of never drinking again is so overwhelming that they get completely panicky and then the AV might say: screw it, it's not going to happen so I might as well drink.
For others, one day at a time might open a door for the AV to say: ok, not today but tomorrow will be ok.
Different individuals...different perspectives: a bit like the proverbial elephant and the blind men. The AV can find ammunition in anything.
Ultimately the goal is to remain abstinent and not go back to being miserable and self destructive.

I have not posted much lately but I check SR everyday. You can always shoot me a pm

bigsombrero

I think it's pretty simple: you either drink, or you don't. No need to be too self-critical when it comes to the thought process. You aren't drinking and that deserves high praise! I went through a similar period after I had about 1.5 years sober - I thought to myself "not tonight. if you still want to drink tomorrow, then you can". That got me through a rough patch. If that same thinking is getting you through today, then good for you! It won't always be like this - it sounds like you are using some of the tools in your sobriety tool box to stay sober now and that's encouraging. Flexibility and dexterity in our recovery plans are important as we grow into long-term sobriety. A successful fisherwoman doesn't use the same pole and the same bait every time she fishes. She has a variety of hooks, lines, lures, and nets to use depending on how deep or shallow the water might be.

Julie59

Hey Soberleigh

Just saw this quote of yours from a while back on this thread

"Live in the simplicity of the goodness of each sober day, and carry that goodness forward - it builds."
What a special thing to say ... I'm going to try and do this