SoberFreckles

After 10 months sober, things seem to be getting harder, not easier. I saw a friend last week I had not seen for a while, and when he asked if I was ever planning to drink again, I said I didn't know and was just trying to get to a year. Until recently, I always said it was forever.
I feel ridiculous. I read the forums. I know what happens when heavy drinkers return to drinking. Why am I convinced I am different? Why don't I feel my sober life is worth protecting? Why am I asking people who are wonderfully kind and knowledgeable but who don't even know me to try and save me from myself?

I have no solutions other than lots of chocolate.

Anna

Congratulations on 10 months sober. I would ask you why your life in the last 10 months sober, is getting harder?

And, I wonder what changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? I have found that balance is essential for me, every day. Do you have some kind of exercise program, do you have time to yourself to relax and just 'be', do you have a hobby you love or have you tried volunteering?

firstymer

SoberFreckles, maybe it would help to take a step back and ask yourself what it is that is "harder, not easier" than when you were drinking? It is true that sobriety may force us to address problems that we ignored when we were drinking. And it is true that it is harder to address and face up to issues than it is to ignore them. But I think that in the long run, addressing those issues is a good thing. Don't you?

Notwithstanding some of the issues that you now have to address, ask yourself if you really think you would be happier, better off, if you went back to where you were.

Have things been harder for me in sobriety? Yeah. Sometimes. But they are still much, much better.

Good luck. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

BlissWithin

I think you are doing fine SoberFreckles, but if you are feeling you are struggling its ok to ask for help. Why not participate more too? 10 months is great.

biminiblue

You told this friend that, "You were just trying to get to a year."

So at the year, just keep going. Don't freak yourself out because you said something off-the-cuff.

Is your life better? Do you want to return to the self-loathing and remorse?

I think you're asking us because we've been there.

benice

Congratulations on 10 months! That is quite an accomplishment. I think forever is a hard concept. So, maybe your answer was just perfect. You bought time and did not give in yet. It looks like you have about 2 months to convince your AV to hush up. Maybe the concept of "playing it through in your mind" will help. You go a year without, you have a few glasses here and there, that ends up with long weekends, and that brings you back to square one and you lost the momentum you built with your 12 months!

Chocolate...sounds good.

BlueFairy

This is an excerpt from rational recovery-- it helps me. I made my date July 17 2055. I'll be 87 and plan to attend disneyland's 100th anniversary :-)

It would seem much easier
to make a sincere commitment
to totally abstain for two hundred years
than to say never, ever again.

Try it:
Make a plan to resume drinking in two hundred years.
Decide exactly what you will drink (or use) in 2196
to celebrate two centuries of abstinence.

See?

The Beast is quite stupid,
so you can trick it this way.

But your Beast can live comfortably with a plan
for two hundred years of abstinence,
even though you will be dead by then.
It just doesn't get the time part.
It is functionally immortal,
and doesn't understand that you will die.

NestWasEmpty

SoberFreckles , Could it be seeing that old friend making your AV get the best of you ? Some days if I let my mind wonder & think back to the times I had with my drinking buddies . My AV will raise it's Ugly head
Then I "make" myself remember the bad times - what alcohol did to my life & health . Or even reading over old posts of reasons why , you kicked alcohol to the curb will help.. I don't think anyone needs alcohol any more then we need a bad relationship in our lives ..
Stay Strong . Yes my AV hates chocolate I feed it often !!

breath

You are doing great, just keep doing it a day at a time. Before you know it, alcohol will no longer be a focus or distraction; from experience, I focused on that immedialtely, if engaged with someone and the topic comes up, make a flat and somewhat final response, don't think about the "what if" "if only" or "maybe", move on, we live very succesfully without the mental obsession, you will as well.

Fly N Buy

Well done on 10 months!

I have an illness of the mind and body. My mind was obsessed with getting drunk and purposefully forgets I can't drink at all - because, once I do - once I have 2 or 3 drinks the phenomena of craving kicks in and it's game on.

I have proven time and time again I cannot drink in a normal manner.Until the final point of acceptance is reached I think most of us struggle.

Some day I will drink again and it will be different, this time...........
Well, for me that's simply not true. Maybe once or twice. Maybe a few times. But then, that point of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization is reached and I wake up wondering what I did. Then I grab my phone and see how I tried to contact. Then I .........well, we all know the story.

Man, I am so glad I've reached that point in my illustrious career. This morning I was getting gas and glanced a beer poster in the window of the store. I thought gee - do I want a beer? I did not! It sounded repulsive. I went through a mental list of of what else I drank and all of them came up no, no, no. They had no appeal, today.

Maybe tomorrow, but not today
24 hrs is what I want - not a week, month or a year........just today.
That has added up to 439 twenty four hours.
Keep coming back - Glad you're with us!

FreeOwl

I remember feeling that way at times. The first year felt hard, involved a lot of turmoil, was plagued with nagging what-ifs and doubts and yearning for being "able" to drink again.

But I kept at it. I worked on myself, wholly.... I went to AA and I read the Big Book and I reminded myself of all the reasons I WANT sobriety and I reminded myself regularly of all the evidence of the things I did NOT want that alcohol consistently brought into my life. When friends asked if I'd ever drink again I'd say "I want things in life that aren't compatible with drinking, and I know for sure I'm not drinking today"... or something similar. "Never" and "Forever" are hard things to wrap our heads around..... our addicted brains rail up and fight against that.

I went to therapy and explored my emotions and beliefs about myself and my life. I spent time thinking about what I really wanted in life... each day I moved in the direction of the life I want to live... each day I did my best to live THAT DAY the way I wanted it to be.

I let those yearnings and feelings and doubts about alcohol rise up, I noted them, but then I let them go. I got through them by getting through that day. Each time I successfully made it past a craving or through a drinking event that triggered me a little... I patted myself on the back and I celebrated how good it felt to NOT drink.

I embraced sobriety as a rare and honorable choice. I began to see it as something to be proud of. I began to see myself as a positive role model - not just to alcoholics, but to humans. I began to view sobriety as a way of living that has so much positive about it, that is a choice with so many benefits, that it is an admirable and esteemed way of living.

And, gradually, all of that began to shift my feelings about it... and always I focused on Gratitude.

You can do this..... keep it up.

D122y

I love this.

My first plan was to drink when i was 80. If I stumbled or died, it would be ok. I would not be driving by then as well.

My new plan is to drink on my birthday in the year 2115.

I'll be 151 years old. I'll drink Bacardi 151.

Nice!

Soberwolf

I was always told to be careful between months 8-10 a lot of ppl relapse I don't know why but you don't have to add to that stat

I'm going to have my dinner but my advice is obviously don't drink I've seen so many ppl just disappear or worse

SR will always be here bud

Surrender2win

SoberFreckles, 10 months is something to be pretty proud of!! That's an awesome achievement. Good job on posting here when you're having a hard time. That does help. Ice cream does a pretty good job knocking out the AV too

Hang in there

SoberFreckles

Thanks for your support everyone.
I struggle so much to ask for help because I know ultimately it is my responsibility to take care of myself. I suck at getting involved with helping others as I think that what I have to say sounds trite and rubbish and there are people with much more useful things to say, which is why I mainly lurk.
I think being drunk a lot meant I didn't have to really deal with my problems. Now I feel like I am drowning in them. Despite counselling, medication, great friends, I am overwhelmed. Nothing seems to have got better and now there is no escape from it all.
I think that is why the AV is having a field day.

Fly N Buy

SF -- 10 months is indeed stacking some time. Recognition of how you feel, restless for example - it important to validate. I think we get in trouble sometimes when we don' t validate how we feel.

Perhaps you'd benefit from some f2f support where you live??! I tried solo many times and have found live support to be a game changer.

I have learned from others - if you want it out, SHOUT it out!!! Post often, follow up and let it out. You do not have to recover by yourself - there is help. My pride kept me from seeking that help for many years.

Being drunk alot helped all of us not deal with our problems - for awhile, you're in the right place!!!!

Keep coming back!!

You don't have to not drink alone...........

Dee74

There's some great advice here.

I think many of us are self conscious anyway- for me that was part of the reason I drank - but we feel really self conscious about our decision not to think.

Even tho I knew there were millions of people who did not drink, for a variety of reasons, I still felt self conscious for a while - I felt the need to explain myself, or to add qualifiers to my recovery like 'I'll drink again to celebrate my 100th birthday".

I'm really glad that I fell in love with my sober life (I did a lot more than just not drinking), and I'm eternally glad I learned to love my sober self.

I really prefer this life, and I can't think of any reason anywhwere near good enough to give it up...not even my 100th birthday

what do you think it would take for you to get to that point Freckles?
what else do you need to do?

D

NestWasEmpty

I'm still looking back at those 8 months I had Sober , 3 years ago -( If only )I didn't" think" I could moderate .. Why did I try ... What was I thinking ?
The list is endless to Why's . After the fact, I found the answer . I didn't have a plan in place , didn't use my tools . Oh BTW I hadn't found SR yet . I had no one that understood what I was fighting against . Heck I didn't know.
Hold onto your 10 months Don't risk your Health to Try again , like I did