Fear and Faith
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Fear and Faith
Well my wonderful cyber family, I have once again been invited into the insanity. What is a lie, what is the truth? I had already said my peace and turned it over to God. Seems like you can't just do that once. And of course my fear becomes overwhelming.
But I worked my program to the best of my ability today. I didn't react. When I don't know what to do, I wait. Boy did I want to do something. My husbands life, our livelyhood, the livelyhood of 2 other families could be in jeopardy. But what is the right thing to do?
I listen to what those people are saying. They want someone to do something. They are scared too. I felt like the bad old days today. I don't even know if it is as bad as I think, or that my fear has magnified everything.
So I wait, and I pray. For direction. For God's will for me. This method hasn't let me down yet. Maybe I just need time to see how things will pan out so I don't go off half cocked, as is my nature.
I am afraid of what is going to happen. Mr Magic has NEVER been bad to me. He has only hurt himself. But our lives are connected. Emotionally, financial, and physically. I pray for the strength to bare what addiction can wreak on that. I pray for him. I know he doesn't want to be an addict. I know that he says he wants to get clean. I really hope that he can.
Things have been getting bad with him. The lies, the withdrawing emotionally and physically. I have told him how I feel, not so he would change, but because he should know how I feel. Then I let it go. No nagging, no pleading (well just a little pleading). But for the most part just trying to live my life as happily as I can.
I go to Al-Anon meetings, spend time with my friends in Al-Anon, go to work and try to do a good job. I spend time here, which helps so much.
I try to meet life's challenges with as much serenity and grace as I am capable of. I don't always do as well as I'd like, but better than I ever have. I like me today. I try to be me now. That is a giant accomplishment. More people dislike me today than ever have, but those who like me like the real me.
I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
I was invited into the insanity today. But I have a choice. Right now I choose to do nothing. Until I'm clear, I wait and I share and I listen. It hasn't failed me yet.
Thanks for all the love and support. I know that I owe you all so much for my recovery. Hugs, Magic
But I worked my program to the best of my ability today. I didn't react. When I don't know what to do, I wait. Boy did I want to do something. My husbands life, our livelyhood, the livelyhood of 2 other families could be in jeopardy. But what is the right thing to do?
I listen to what those people are saying. They want someone to do something. They are scared too. I felt like the bad old days today. I don't even know if it is as bad as I think, or that my fear has magnified everything.
So I wait, and I pray. For direction. For God's will for me. This method hasn't let me down yet. Maybe I just need time to see how things will pan out so I don't go off half cocked, as is my nature.
I am afraid of what is going to happen. Mr Magic has NEVER been bad to me. He has only hurt himself. But our lives are connected. Emotionally, financial, and physically. I pray for the strength to bare what addiction can wreak on that. I pray for him. I know he doesn't want to be an addict. I know that he says he wants to get clean. I really hope that he can.
Things have been getting bad with him. The lies, the withdrawing emotionally and physically. I have told him how I feel, not so he would change, but because he should know how I feel. Then I let it go. No nagging, no pleading (well just a little pleading). But for the most part just trying to live my life as happily as I can.
I go to Al-Anon meetings, spend time with my friends in Al-Anon, go to work and try to do a good job. I spend time here, which helps so much.
I try to meet life's challenges with as much serenity and grace as I am capable of. I don't always do as well as I'd like, but better than I ever have. I like me today. I try to be me now. That is a giant accomplishment. More people dislike me today than ever have, but those who like me like the real me.
I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
I was invited into the insanity today. But I have a choice. Right now I choose to do nothing. Until I'm clear, I wait and I share and I listen. It hasn't failed me yet.
Thanks for all the love and support. I know that I owe you all so much for my recovery. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 88
"I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
I was invited into the insanity today. But I have a choice. Right now I choose to do nothing. Until I'm clear, I wait and I share and I listen. It hasn't failed me yet." Quote.
Magichappens,you are amazing. You have learned so much and come so far in your journey. Its not easy....I know. My prayers and thoughts are there for you. Thanks. Think you would make a good friend.
I was invited into the insanity today. But I have a choice. Right now I choose to do nothing. Until I'm clear, I wait and I share and I listen. It hasn't failed me yet." Quote.
Magichappens,you are amazing. You have learned so much and come so far in your journey. Its not easy....I know. My prayers and thoughts are there for you. Thanks. Think you would make a good friend.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: No where
Posts: 79
Magic
I just posted to Standing Strong's post on why do we stay?. My last line was "I guess I still have this fear and faith thing going". I like your way of looking at it much better. That you have the courage to face your fears. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that your posts have helped me tremendously. Thinking of you. Hang in there. Hugs.
ChillGal
I just posted to Standing Strong's post on why do we stay?. My last line was "I guess I still have this fear and faith thing going". I like your way of looking at it much better. That you have the courage to face your fears. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that your posts have helped me tremendously. Thinking of you. Hang in there. Hugs.
ChillGal
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Chillgal and bjmt,
Thanks so much for the support. There are those times when my fear says "Do something, even if it's wrong." Those feelings are so overwhelming. I have a terrific sponsor. I talk to her and tell her what's going on, and what I am doing, and then ask her if I am making any sense. I know if I get off the beam she will tell me.
Being here is such a blessing. At 2:00 in the morning, things seem really big. I'm not afraid to call people, but I know I can come here and get it out and nobody has to drag themself out of bed. What a great tool for recovery.
Today I feel clearer. I'm not overwhelmed and thank God I didn't do anything that could make things more complicated. That's not to say that an hour from now I won't flip out, but for now I am peaceful.
You guys are the best! I draw so much strength from the "us". It has changed my life. Hugs, Magic
Thanks so much for the support. There are those times when my fear says "Do something, even if it's wrong." Those feelings are so overwhelming. I have a terrific sponsor. I talk to her and tell her what's going on, and what I am doing, and then ask her if I am making any sense. I know if I get off the beam she will tell me.
Being here is such a blessing. At 2:00 in the morning, things seem really big. I'm not afraid to call people, but I know I can come here and get it out and nobody has to drag themself out of bed. What a great tool for recovery.
Today I feel clearer. I'm not overwhelmed and thank God I didn't do anything that could make things more complicated. That's not to say that an hour from now I won't flip out, but for now I am peaceful.
You guys are the best! I draw so much strength from the "us". It has changed my life. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Magichappens
I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
It might have made a difference in the amount of time it took for me to get out of my self-imposed cage that was active addiction.
I've learned so much from you over the last months, Mrs. Magic.
In the light of a new day then, please accept my thanks, and my unconditional support and love.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
magic - you are such an inspiration to us all. thanks for sharing not only the good, but also the bad and ugly. you are so right, we cannot, as humans, erase all fear from our lives - we could not survive. but it is how we chose to handle it and you put it so well.
my heart and prayers go out to you and mr.
cwohio
my heart and prayers go out to you and mr.
cwohio
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Gabe, as usual, you blow me away. Hooda thunk that "meantime" thing would come back around? But it's the truth.
Dan, I am grateful that our journeys have saw fit to travel together for this time. You are a great travel companion.
CW, None of us got here because everything is on easy street. We get our breaks and we get our struggles. But thank goodness we can go through it all together.
I love you all so much. Hugs, Magic
Dan, I am grateful that our journeys have saw fit to travel together for this time. You are a great travel companion.
CW, None of us got here because everything is on easy street. We get our breaks and we get our struggles. But thank goodness we can go through it all together.
I love you all so much. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
((((((((Magic))))))))))
Wise words elude me because you know so much more than I know.
I know you will be OK. I know you will get through this and come out stronger. I know this because you are a wonderful, wise woman and you deserve peace.
Sending love and peace -
L
Wise words elude me because you know so much more than I know.
I know you will be OK. I know you will get through this and come out stronger. I know this because you are a wonderful, wise woman and you deserve peace.
Sending love and peace -
L
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
(((((((Magic)))))))
You and I are travelling very similar paths right now and I'm glad you are keeping your faith ahead of your fears. For the longest time I struggled with having all fear and no faith. But I kept working at it, kept praying, and gradually my faith grew stronger than my fear. You are doing all the right things and believe me, I know how hard it is. Sometimes it's taking it one moment at a time and just doing the next right thing, even when we don't know how it will end up. But you and I will be ok, no matter what happens.
I'll be praying for you guys.
Love and hugs,
JG
You and I are travelling very similar paths right now and I'm glad you are keeping your faith ahead of your fears. For the longest time I struggled with having all fear and no faith. But I kept working at it, kept praying, and gradually my faith grew stronger than my fear. You are doing all the right things and believe me, I know how hard it is. Sometimes it's taking it one moment at a time and just doing the next right thing, even when we don't know how it will end up. But you and I will be ok, no matter what happens.
I'll be praying for you guys.
Love and hugs,
JG
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Faith is a coin
Fear and faith are two sides of the same coin. My HP gives me that coin every day when I wake up, alive, clean and sober and ready to receive all the other gifts my HP has in store for me that day. Which _side_ of that coin I choose to look at today, is _my_ choice. The best thing about that coin is that once I flip it over to the faith side, the fear goes away. Can't have both at the same time.
Sometimes, I get so into my head that I can't even flip the coin. That's when I call up my program friends, or drag my sorry derriere to a meeting, and somebody there will flip it for me :-)
>> ... More people dislike me today than ever have, but those who like me like the real me.
Not everything that can be counted, counts. Not everything that counts, can be counted. Those people that don't like the _real_ you, don't count. Those people that do like the _real_ you, count. Which means that everybody in the world that matters, likes you. Everybody else, doesn't count ;-)
Magic, you rock. You're "down" with the program (as my grandkids say :-) Your HP is right there with you, just like you've been right there with so many people on this board (including me)
Mike :-)
Sometimes, I get so into my head that I can't even flip the coin. That's when I call up my program friends, or drag my sorry derriere to a meeting, and somebody there will flip it for me :-)
>> ... More people dislike me today than ever have, but those who like me like the real me.
Not everything that can be counted, counts. Not everything that counts, can be counted. Those people that don't like the _real_ you, don't count. Those people that do like the _real_ you, count. Which means that everybody in the world that matters, likes you. Everybody else, doesn't count ;-)
Magic, you rock. You're "down" with the program (as my grandkids say :-) Your HP is right there with you, just like you've been right there with so many people on this board (including me)
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
((((Magic)))
When I think of a peaceful river I think of you. You always seem so calm, so together and flow so easily. It's hard to realize you have undercurrents to battle with too. I know your faith is strong and will see you through this. In a recent alanon meeting a lady told us what she does when problems seem to be overwhelming, I'm sure you've heard this one but thought I'd share anyhow, she has an old tin box she keeps on her dresser, she writes her problems out and puts them into the box, she says thats how she hands her problems over to her HP. Then she does nothing and waits. After a few days or so she takes those peices of paper out and realizes that in some way the problem has been solved or at least is better. It's a good concept. I wonder though, how can you stick a whole hubby into a box?? LOL. BTW, I am still here =)), have been very busy and although I haven't been here as much as I'd like, my butt has been at my alanon meetings! Take care gf, stay strong. Many hugs, Teggie
When I think of a peaceful river I think of you. You always seem so calm, so together and flow so easily. It's hard to realize you have undercurrents to battle with too. I know your faith is strong and will see you through this. In a recent alanon meeting a lady told us what she does when problems seem to be overwhelming, I'm sure you've heard this one but thought I'd share anyhow, she has an old tin box she keeps on her dresser, she writes her problems out and puts them into the box, she says thats how she hands her problems over to her HP. Then she does nothing and waits. After a few days or so she takes those peices of paper out and realizes that in some way the problem has been solved or at least is better. It's a good concept. I wonder though, how can you stick a whole hubby into a box?? LOL. BTW, I am still here =)), have been very busy and although I haven't been here as much as I'd like, my butt has been at my alanon meetings! Take care gf, stay strong. Many hugs, Teggie
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magichappens
I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
Magic you astound me.....nothing more to say your truly an amazing person and as for the people who do not like you....Pfffffffffft to them because they are missing out on a truly wonderful human being! (more for us! LOL)
Prayers and major (((Hugs))) to you Magic
Originally Posted by Magichappens
I have found that faith doesn't mean I don't have fears. It means that I have the courage to face my fears and know that I am not alone.
Magic you astound me.....nothing more to say your truly an amazing person and as for the people who do not like you....Pfffffffffft to them because they are missing out on a truly wonderful human being! (more for us! LOL)
Prayers and major (((Hugs))) to you Magic
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Magic (and everyone).....try this link it takes awhile to download but so worth it-
http://168.143.173.209/IWGnet.swf (click on view presentation)
Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is out of this world
http://168.143.173.209/IWGnet.swf (click on view presentation)
Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is out of this world
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
JG, Lorelai, Ngaire, You girls are the rock I lean on. As always, I am grateful.
Mike, Teggie, Rella, You all already mean a lot to me. My family gets larger, and there's more love to go around. Thanks all!
Rella, I tried the link. My computer had a seizure. Maybe I can try again later. Hugs, Magic
Mike, Teggie, Rella, You all already mean a lot to me. My family gets larger, and there's more love to go around. Thanks all!
Rella, I tried the link. My computer had a seizure. Maybe I can try again later. Hugs, Magic
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Magic ditto here babe! You mean alot already to me too! In such a short short time! Imagine that and I'm sober! (Just kidding everyone!!!)
Magic try this link it may work better =====> http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/
Magic try this link it may work better =====> http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: somewhere safe
Posts: 103
Magic - When I read your post, I thought of this passage from Marianne Williamson's book, Enchanted Love:
"I don't know what to do with this storm. Large gray clouds, cold winds, choppy waters in the ocean beneath this cliff -- all of them fill my heart. I am standing in a long red dress and bonnet, peering across the horizon and I am looking...for what? Is your ship even out there? Is it on the sea at all?"
"My mind lacks information, and in this state of indefinition and perplexity, I long for calm. I return to the house. I drink tea and then I close my eyes. I am supported by the knowledge that I know you love me, and the choppy sea is yours, not mine."
Magic - you really are a source of strength to many of us. I see your strength in the passage above. I find myself often going to the dark side but while my wildest dreams rarely come true, my scariest nightmares don't either. God grant you peace.
"I don't know what to do with this storm. Large gray clouds, cold winds, choppy waters in the ocean beneath this cliff -- all of them fill my heart. I am standing in a long red dress and bonnet, peering across the horizon and I am looking...for what? Is your ship even out there? Is it on the sea at all?"
"My mind lacks information, and in this state of indefinition and perplexity, I long for calm. I return to the house. I drink tea and then I close my eyes. I am supported by the knowledge that I know you love me, and the choppy sea is yours, not mine."
Magic - you really are a source of strength to many of us. I see your strength in the passage above. I find myself often going to the dark side but while my wildest dreams rarely come true, my scariest nightmares don't either. God grant you peace.
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