Madruski

Hey everyone
Just a thanks in advance for the other times I got given advice here, and for this time.

So as luck would have it, ive organized a date at my house this Saturday typical occasion of Dinner and ----- wine :/

Basically and bluntly. I don't want to drink this expensive bottle, or drink Anything at all, iam determined to be sober.

But what's the best approach to this situation? She doesant know about me going sober, let alone even being an alcoholic. My plan is to pour a glass for myself just for the company, and just keep it at my side and explain to her my sober goals if she notices it.

As for temptation and a sip? I know I'll probably have a taste and stop right there-----oh who am I kidding, I can see it already, after the first bottle we will be down at the shop getting more and I know Its back to day 1 from day 9 ...:/

Not a big life issue compared to what ive read here I know, but also I thought id touch on the subject for a scenario reference. The more scenarios, the more we prepare ourselves.

Thanks

Upwardspiral

There doesn't have to be wine. If you pour that glass you're gonna drink it. Why not leave it out of the equation? You have to ask yourself which you want more, to stay sober or to have the date go a certain way.

bexxed

I would not be able to pour a glass for myself and not drink it... And be comfortable.

Why not just tell her you stopped drinking?

SoberLeigh

Have a wonderful meal; have a lovely time, Madruski - without the wine. Why take the risk????

Above all, be yourself - a non-drinker.

Aellyce

What do you think about the bolded parts? It sounds like you are almost confidently predicting what is going to happen, and are justifying it as "not a big issue". In my experience from what I have seen here on SR, repeatedly relapsing does tend to lead to very significant problems and and often a gradually increasing difficulty and motivation to stay sober. If I were in this vulnerable state and situation, I would rather not do the date or simply say that I don't drink (anymore). Why, do you think, it's a good idea to pretend that you drink if you don't want to?

Madruski

Stay sober for sure, if iam making that decision then no fancy wine is gonna sway me. Plus she said she will bring the wine. But there's no beating around the bush here, I'll just tell her I stopped drinking.

DitzyDandelion

Dating may not be the best idea this early on. I do understand and have someone interested in me well more than one but one I could like back. I have made it very clear I am not ready to get involved and have raised my drinking up front. It is someone I have not met in person and if we do it has to be friends only. Am lonely but need to be alone and focus on getting better.

ScottFromWI

I'd agree with the others, just skip the wine completely. It's perfectly acceptable to have a social dinner without it.

firstymer

Madruski, you are correct. It is good to plan ahead. But the plan to pour a glass of wine for yourself is, well....... not good, IMHO.

At Day 9, I don't think I would serve wine at all. In fact, I don't think you should even have it in your house. It's too early. And too risky.

When date night arrives, just make an excuse for not drinking. "I'm taking some antibiotics." "I have been fighting a cold". "I am training for _______". "I have to get up early tomorrow morning." Anything. Trust me, she won't care.

Dating is great. But if it detracts from your getting and staying sober, you should wait.

Good luck. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how things go on the date. (Well, we don't need ALL the details. )

bexxed

Imagine starting a relationship with an alcoholic. Of course you don't know yet though.

First date: you say, I'll bring the wine! And they say....

"Sure!" And drink alcoholic ally. Maybe you notice right away, maybe you don't. At some point you find out that they were trying to get sober -even part of an online support group- and used that date as an excuse to relapse.

"Hmmm... You know, I am going to be honest, I am trying to get sober. I have nine days! Maybe you should bring a fancy dessert instead because I'm craving sweets like crazy. " You think, oh, ok. Chocolate and romance doesn't need wine anyway. Glad he told me.

This my friend is why we say... Alcoholics take prisoners.

Meraviglioso

This sounds like trouble waiting to happen. Do you like this person, want to get to know her more? Do you want her to know you? Do you want her to see you drunk or clear, clean and fully present? An idea might be to change the menu for dinner. Why not make a Moroccan meal and serve it with the traditional mint tea? Or a fancy vegan meal with a variety of infused waters? Call her up the day before and tell her not to bring the wine, that you will take care of everything and then surprise her with a special meal with custom beverages to match it? I can say as a woman that this would be majorly impressive.

Jillian2563

Why does there have to be wine?

Maybe ask her to bring dessert instead?

Madruski

Aeyllce - very good spotting , you are right, i am confidentiality predicting because I know myself and iam using this scenario as practice for dealing with the future - iam planning to tell her I don't drink anymore and my situation, how she takes it is up to her.

DDandelion - don't torture your self, iam sure you can have a few good sober dates for company,

Firsttymer - my house is dry all the time and iam surprising myself how determined I am. And don't worry the details will stay in the bag

Bexxed - now, you seem abit angry at my scenario? Firstly this is not an excuse to relapse, when i say i dont want to drink i mean it ,it just snuck up on me . secondly i want to use this night to also let her know the situation, again, how she takes is up to her - iam not a liar.

I've been on sober dates before, and frankly , I've enjoyed them

Meraviglioso - hat off to you miss. You have made me a more intelligent man I did say I was cooking ...so now iam scratching my head not only about the wine, but also where iam gonna get these jnfused waters ...you have given me a good idea , thanks

DitzyDandelion

I hope you have a lovely time

ClearLight

Tons of people don't drink for millions of reasons. You don't want to drink - ever.

If she asks, which would not be a good sign, just say you don't drink anymore - you don't like it. There really shouldn't be anymore to it than that.

Frankly, it kind of sounds to me like you're planning to drink. I hope you change your plans.

I really believe you'll have a better time if you don't open the wine.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teetotalers

SereneEdition

As your date, I would feel awkward drinking by myself after bring over a bottle to share. Perhaps even creeped out if he was acting oddly (IE did this guy slip something in the drink?) Neither are great impressions, nor is getting **** faced.

Best is to say that you don't drink before the evening begins and ask if she can bring dessert instead to set the evening up smoothly.

Have fun!

bexxed

Angry? Heck no. What did I say that seemed angry? It's a saying, a cliche, really, that alcoholics don't have relationships; they take prisoners. Setting up a scenario like that made that clear to me. It was helpful for me, actually. I have zero anger and nothing but gratitude for you, friend.

2ndhandrose

This sounds like you are setting yourself up to drink. You owe it to your date to tell her up front, before she shows up with "fancy wine", that you are no longer drinking.

I would feel very uncomfortable to have brought wine to the dinner and then be told after the fact that I would be drinking alone.

Plus, Madruski, you are very early in sobriety. We need to take the time to build up our sober muscles. I am early in sobriety, 8 months and 20 days, and just the idea of a filled wine glass at my place setting makes me shudder.

I really hope you take the very excellent advice of your SR family!

Carver

Frankly, it kind of sounds to me like you're planning to drink. I hope you change your plans.

^^^ kinda how it sounded to me, too. I don't mean any offence, but I've done it to myself a thousand times before.

Have a great date!

joygirl

Infused waters are fantastic! You can google some recipes. Have a great time!