Just a reminder to ourselves....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Just a reminder to ourselves....
as well as a message to the new members.
I have been continuously reminded as of late just how much does not "get fixed" when the alcoholic quits drinking.
I have found in my own experience that I blamed a lot of things on my AH's drinking. I have found that a lot of our issues really were not and are not caused from alcoholism.
Perhaps you are thinking that I'm married to a "dry drunk" - and that may very well be as well. But forget the "terms" for now.
Just remember the next time you try to tell yourself :
"Things would just be so perfect if he/she would only stop drinking/using"
- that's not necessarily the truth!
Not trying to be a wet blanket (honestly!) - I just sometimes think we have such hopes that we sometimes get blindsided by the truth!
I have been continuously reminded as of late just how much does not "get fixed" when the alcoholic quits drinking.
I have found in my own experience that I blamed a lot of things on my AH's drinking. I have found that a lot of our issues really were not and are not caused from alcoholism.
Perhaps you are thinking that I'm married to a "dry drunk" - and that may very well be as well. But forget the "terms" for now.
Just remember the next time you try to tell yourself :
"Things would just be so perfect if he/she would only stop drinking/using"
- that's not necessarily the truth!
Not trying to be a wet blanket (honestly!) - I just sometimes think we have such hopes that we sometimes get blindsided by the truth!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
oh I agree. I dated a widower as well and I used to use his grief as an excuse for his behavior. Until one day, I woke up and realized the man was a jerk. He was probably a jerk to his wife when she was alive and was now being a jerk to me!! So out he went.
I told my ASO that as well. That I didn't know if he stopped drinking if it would make a difference. I didn't know him not drinking. I wouldn't know what he would be like. And I was certainly afraid of the "transition" period while his body adjusted to getting off the stuff. So I wanted him to go away for several years. Then once he had been off alcohol for a couple years...to look me up again. And then we would see. Otherwise ...how would I even know????
I told my ASO that as well. That I didn't know if he stopped drinking if it would make a difference. I didn't know him not drinking. I wouldn't know what he would be like. And I was certainly afraid of the "transition" period while his body adjusted to getting off the stuff. So I wanted him to go away for several years. Then once he had been off alcohol for a couple years...to look me up again. And then we would see. Otherwise ...how would I even know????
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
That is why my own recovery was so important. To learn to take care of me, to find people capable of nurturing, to fulfill my life. I love my husband, but 12 years of sobriety couldn't fix what was wrong with me. Four years of prescription addiction let me know that I was powerless, and an OD made me realize that I was addicted to another person as surely as they were addicted to a substance.
What was missing from me couldn't be fixed by my husband, sober or not. I had to begin looking inward and reaching out to a fellowship of people who had overcome the same obstacles.
Life has struggles, but today I know the answers can't come from one person. Al-Anon has taught me to find my answers through the people who are living recovery. I am responsible for my own happiness. Hugs, Magic
What was missing from me couldn't be fixed by my husband, sober or not. I had to begin looking inward and reaching out to a fellowship of people who had overcome the same obstacles.
Life has struggles, but today I know the answers can't come from one person. Al-Anon has taught me to find my answers through the people who are living recovery. I am responsible for my own happiness. Hugs, Magic
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