Jenn's Accountabillity Thread
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Jenn's Accountabillity Thread
Hello all,
I joined some time ago when I first decided I had a drinking problem. That lasted about a week, and then I decided that I was able to have just a couple occasionally and that I could be normal.
We all know how that goes, of course. All was fine for a few months, and then every other night I began drinking too much again.
So, here I am again. This time, I am not calling it a "drinking problem," in my head, I believe calling it a drinking problem made me think it was "fixable," as in, if I just took a break, I could go back to being a normal drinker.
The problem, of course, is that I do not have a drinking problem. It is that I am an alcoholic, and the only way to fix the problem is to remove the problem. I may be able to drink normally for a fixed amount of time, but eventually, the alcoholism will snowball into me getting drunk frequently, and then having to clean up the messes that living in that state frequently cause.
So, yesterday was day one. My husband and I came up with a plan for me. We are living in a dry house currently, and have made a list of multiple activities, both free and that cost money, that we can do together (or that he will understand if I feel the need to be alone, i.e. reading a book) any time I feel like I could have "just one" drink. This is the first time I've gotten my husband involved. After about a year of me occasionally mentioning that I had a drinking problem, he finally agreed once I explained all of the things I do that he may not notice. See, I would often drink too much and then we would get in ridiculous fights. Any time I said I had a drinking problem, he said, "no, I think you just have an anger problem, we are able to drink all the time and not get in arguments." Of course, what he didn't see was me hungover at work the next day, the stupid social media posts I would put up and then pull down immediately in the morning. The crap food I would eat the next day to try to make me feel better. He didn't see me constantly telling myself that "today is day one" and then letting my AV convince me that I'm normal. I told him I needed more help than my own willpower, so he is helping me combat my AV.
I explained to him that most likely tomorrow, since it is Friday, and since we always used to drink on Fridays, and since I do not have to work the next day, and since it is day 3 (I've always heard bad things about day 3), that I will likely try to convince him I was being silly and of course let's have a drink. I told him to please not trust me when I say that. It's not real, it's not me, it's my hurtful addiction trying to pull me back in.
My husband has been extremely understanding, and I recognize how very lucky I am to have him by my side through this. Of course, as I said, I am only on day 2, so we'll see how everything goes. I started this thread so I can check in daily and update my progress.
Any suggestions or advice are welcome. =)
I joined some time ago when I first decided I had a drinking problem. That lasted about a week, and then I decided that I was able to have just a couple occasionally and that I could be normal.
We all know how that goes, of course. All was fine for a few months, and then every other night I began drinking too much again.
So, here I am again. This time, I am not calling it a "drinking problem," in my head, I believe calling it a drinking problem made me think it was "fixable," as in, if I just took a break, I could go back to being a normal drinker.
The problem, of course, is that I do not have a drinking problem. It is that I am an alcoholic, and the only way to fix the problem is to remove the problem. I may be able to drink normally for a fixed amount of time, but eventually, the alcoholism will snowball into me getting drunk frequently, and then having to clean up the messes that living in that state frequently cause.
So, yesterday was day one. My husband and I came up with a plan for me. We are living in a dry house currently, and have made a list of multiple activities, both free and that cost money, that we can do together (or that he will understand if I feel the need to be alone, i.e. reading a book) any time I feel like I could have "just one" drink. This is the first time I've gotten my husband involved. After about a year of me occasionally mentioning that I had a drinking problem, he finally agreed once I explained all of the things I do that he may not notice. See, I would often drink too much and then we would get in ridiculous fights. Any time I said I had a drinking problem, he said, "no, I think you just have an anger problem, we are able to drink all the time and not get in arguments." Of course, what he didn't see was me hungover at work the next day, the stupid social media posts I would put up and then pull down immediately in the morning. The crap food I would eat the next day to try to make me feel better. He didn't see me constantly telling myself that "today is day one" and then letting my AV convince me that I'm normal. I told him I needed more help than my own willpower, so he is helping me combat my AV.
I explained to him that most likely tomorrow, since it is Friday, and since we always used to drink on Fridays, and since I do not have to work the next day, and since it is day 3 (I've always heard bad things about day 3), that I will likely try to convince him I was being silly and of course let's have a drink. I told him to please not trust me when I say that. It's not real, it's not me, it's my hurtful addiction trying to pull me back in.
My husband has been extremely understanding, and I recognize how very lucky I am to have him by my side through this. Of course, as I said, I am only on day 2, so we'll see how everything goes. I started this thread so I can check in daily and update my progress.
Any suggestions or advice are welcome. =)
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Sounds like a great husband, you make a good team : )
Mine still doesn't quite "get" why I have to drink so much, why I can't stop at 1 bottle of wine, why I can't stop and then maybe drink occasionally at weddings or parties... But I think once I get sober he will prefer the all singing and dancing me (not literally!) so much better. Sometimes when people compliment me on my efforts at work or in the community I think to myself "just imagine if you saw me firing on all cylinders instead of feeling like I'm dragging a dead body behind me all the time!!!"
Good luck, sounds like you've got a good plan, are you planning on taking up any new hobbies? I'm thinking of walking up this huge hill near us on an evening as that is about as different from sitting on the sofa drinking than I can get! Plus I might start adding up the metres I'm climbing and see what it accumulates to!
Mine still doesn't quite "get" why I have to drink so much, why I can't stop at 1 bottle of wine, why I can't stop and then maybe drink occasionally at weddings or parties... But I think once I get sober he will prefer the all singing and dancing me (not literally!) so much better. Sometimes when people compliment me on my efforts at work or in the community I think to myself "just imagine if you saw me firing on all cylinders instead of feeling like I'm dragging a dead body behind me all the time!!!"
Good luck, sounds like you've got a good plan, are you planning on taking up any new hobbies? I'm thinking of walking up this huge hill near us on an evening as that is about as different from sitting on the sofa drinking than I can get! Plus I might start adding up the metres I'm climbing and see what it accumulates to!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Welcome back rednails. Sounds like you have some good plans in place to make this time be different. Having the support of your family is a big plus too, glad that you realize that. As far as suggestions go, i'd recommend looking into some kind of formal sobriety "plan" too....whether that be Meeting based, self pace or counseling/rehab based. There are self help methods like AVRT, of course AA is popular from a meeting based perspective and there are others ( LifeRing, Smart, etc ). The reason I suggest that is that while it's great to have your husbands' support, that can't be your only support. You've got to have a plan for when he is not there.
It does sound like you are very much on the right track though, you've made a great decision and should be proud of that fact.
It does sound like you are very much on the right track though, you've made a great decision and should be proud of that fact.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by foreverfuzzy 
Sounds like a great husband, you make a good team : )
Mine still doesn't quite "get" why I have to drink so much, why I can't stop at 1 bottle of wine, why I can't stop and then maybe drink occasionally at weddings or parties... But I think once I get sober he will prefer the all singing and dancing me (not literally!) so much better. Sometimes when people compliment me on my efforts at work or in the community I think to myself "just imagine if you saw me firing on all cylinders instead of feeling like I'm dragging a dead body behind me all the time!!!"
Good luck, sounds like you've got a good plan, are you planning on taking up any new hobbies? I'm thinking of walking up this huge hill near us on an evening as that is about as different from sitting on the sofa drinking than I can get! Plus I might start adding up the metres I'm climbing and see what it accumulates to!
Mine still doesn't quite "get" why I have to drink so much, why I can't stop at 1 bottle of wine, why I can't stop and then maybe drink occasionally at weddings or parties... But I think once I get sober he will prefer the all singing and dancing me (not literally!) so much better. Sometimes when people compliment me on my efforts at work or in the community I think to myself "just imagine if you saw me firing on all cylinders instead of feeling like I'm dragging a dead body behind me all the time!!!"
Good luck, sounds like you've got a good plan, are you planning on taking up any new hobbies? I'm thinking of walking up this huge hill near us on an evening as that is about as different from sitting on the sofa drinking than I can get! Plus I might start adding up the metres I'm climbing and see what it accumulates to!
Sorry your husband isn't on the same page as you, it took a while for me to get mine to understand. Partially, it was because he was only seeing how the drinking (sometimes) affected him and our relationship. It was not extremely often, just more often than what I would say is normal. We do have kind of a strange situation with my stepdaughter, he had a child with a girl he dated for a short amount of time, she has always been insane and a strain on our life and relationship, so I think he credited a lot of the arguments and my snowball drinking to me dealing with that, as opposed to the fact that I am just an alcoholic, and regardless of the stressor, it's going to equate to the same outcome. It took me really explaining my mindset and the things he didn't see before he agreed that yes, his wife is an alcoholic. He also knows my parents who are both clearly highly functioning alcoholics, so I've certainly got the dna for it.
As far as hobbies, I'm just excited to get more into reading and play some video games that my husband's been begging me to do! I would also really love to get in better shape. Going to the gym would be great. I have some time to fill in my evenings now, which is wonderful. I also have some projects that I'd like to complete for our home. I am a videographer as well, and have recently scheduled a lot more projects for the weekends (I am booked this weekend and next!).
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
My parents were both functioning alcoholics too, I bet a huge proportion of people on here could say the same. My Dad had his own business but would drink to black out every social occasion he went to. He used to fall asleep / black out in restaurants, at parties etc.. It drove my Mum mad, eventually they seperated. Mum and her new husband now have an immaculate home, busy social life but clock watch till 6pm and have their first drink immediately, they never go out in the evenings, even when on holiday because neither wants to drive, both just want to drink.
I hate the way drinking dominates my life, even when I'm not drinking I'm thinking about drinking, I want to get out of this before I'm 40 and not carry it on for another 20 years....
Good luck : )))
I hate the way drinking dominates my life, even when I'm not drinking I'm thinking about drinking, I want to get out of this before I'm 40 and not carry it on for another 20 years....
Good luck : )))
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Welcome back rednails. Sounds like you have some good plans in place to make this time be different. Having the support of your family is a big plus too, glad that you realize that. As far as suggestions go, i'd recommend looking into some kind of formal sobriety "plan" too....whether that be Meeting based, self pace or counseling/rehab based. There are self help methods like AVRT, of course AA is popular from a meeting based perspective and there are others ( LifeRing, Smart, etc ). The reason I suggest that is that while it's great to have your husbands' support, that can't be your only support. You've got to have a plan for when he is not there.
It does sound like you are very much on the right track though, you've made a great decision and should be proud of that fact.
It does sound like you are very much on the right track though, you've made a great decision and should be proud of that fact.
I am not sure what AVRT is, I googled it and found a website but I guess I need to search around a bit more. Previously, I was not planning on AA, simply because I live in a very small town and am scared that it may not be as anonymous as it claims.
BUT after your response, I did a little searching and found a meeting tomorrow night at 8 pm a bit away from my neighborhood, but still in town. I am planning on going to that one, probably a good time in the evening as it breaks up the night a bit (can't drink if I'm planning on driving at 7:45, and I usually go to bed around 10 or 11 so that's probably a perfect amount of time for me and the husband to watch a movie before bed). I'm a little nervous about attending an AA meeting, I really would prefer not to speak, just to listen. Hope they'll be alright with that. If not, guess it's time for me to be open with more than the internet and my husband. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
3 years ago I went to AA for 1 month and found it interesting, empowering, motivating, scary, inspiring, and many more things...
Of course I relapsed and am now waiting for my NHS detox, date to be given tmrw...
But in those 3 years I have NEVER seen. Any of the 60+ people I must have met in those meetings in normal day to day life..
And if u did meet someone u knew would it be that bad? I think I'd be "omg you're the same as me! I'm not alone!"
Good luck xxx
Of course I relapsed and am now waiting for my NHS detox, date to be given tmrw...
But in those 3 years I have NEVER seen. Any of the 60+ people I must have met in those meetings in normal day to day life..
And if u did meet someone u knew would it be that bad? I think I'd be "omg you're the same as me! I'm not alone!"
Good luck xxx
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
The rest of Day 2 was pretty good. We have my 6 yo stepdaughter every Wednesday and Thursday and every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My biggest trigger days happen to be any time she's there. Not to say I get completely wasted in front of her, but I do start drinking wine as soon as she starts with the moodiness and attitude. I don't want to sound like an evil stepmother, but I've been with her since she was a year and a half old, having completely even custody with her mother does not help. We are not overly strict parents, but at the age of 6, we do not like temper tantrums over EVERY little thing, and we do not like her peeing herself literally every day. It got to the point where I just had to kind of wash my hands clean of it. Like, yes, I am your guardian, I will do what you need me to do, I will care for you, but when it comes to the discipline and dealing with your attitude...I just can't anymore. I started letting my husband handle her and just shut myself out on the lanai with a glass of wine whenever it got too stressful.
But, honestly, it wasn't THAT bad last night. She did throw a couple tantrums when I wouldn't let her have some candy immediately after she got home, and she wet herself again (it is every single day, even with reminders, she was doing really good for a while but...ah, oh well). I still let my husband mostly deal with it, but I didn't shut myself out on the lanai so I didn't have to hear the complaining. I went about doing my stuff because oh my gosh have I really been hiding from a child for the last year and a half?
Took my dog for a long walk, ran into a new guy in the neighborhood and chatted with him for a while. We live in Florida, so we usually wait until around 7 or 7:30 to give our dog the evening walk (it is way too hot this time of year to attempt anything earlier). So by then, I've usually had a couple glasses of wine. It was nice being able to chat with my new neighbor without feeling self-conscious over whether he could smell wine on my breath or notice that I seemed a little off.
Today is Day 3:
Haven't had my nails done in a while, think I'm going to go get them done after work today. I AM still planning on going to the AA meeting but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared...
Hope you all have a wonderful day =)
But, honestly, it wasn't THAT bad last night. She did throw a couple tantrums when I wouldn't let her have some candy immediately after she got home, and she wet herself again (it is every single day, even with reminders, she was doing really good for a while but...ah, oh well). I still let my husband mostly deal with it, but I didn't shut myself out on the lanai so I didn't have to hear the complaining. I went about doing my stuff because oh my gosh have I really been hiding from a child for the last year and a half?
Took my dog for a long walk, ran into a new guy in the neighborhood and chatted with him for a while. We live in Florida, so we usually wait until around 7 or 7:30 to give our dog the evening walk (it is way too hot this time of year to attempt anything earlier). So by then, I've usually had a couple glasses of wine. It was nice being able to chat with my new neighbor without feeling self-conscious over whether he could smell wine on my breath or notice that I seemed a little off.
Today is Day 3:
Haven't had my nails done in a while, think I'm going to go get them done after work today. I AM still planning on going to the AA meeting but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared...
Hope you all have a wonderful day =)
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
Day 4
Just updating. Starting sometime around noon yesterday I started coming down with a headcold. Pretty unfortunate for the productive weekend I had planned, but drinking is the last thing I want to do when I'm sick so I suppose there's an upside. Will update tomorrow.
Just updating. Starting sometime around noon yesterday I started coming down with a headcold. Pretty unfortunate for the productive weekend I had planned, but drinking is the last thing I want to do when I'm sick so I suppose there's an upside. Will update tomorrow.
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Welcome rednails. May I suggest joining the Class of August 2015 thread? You will find lots of support there from other people going through the tough early days.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
There is lots of information about AVRT (and other AA alternatives) in the "Secular Connections" subforum here. You can start with this: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
There is lots of information about AVRT (and other AA alternatives) in the "Secular Connections" subforum here. You can start with this: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
Day 5
Still very sick. Husband took my stepdaughter to his cousin's house for a swim yesterday evening and came back slightly drunk. I didn't care that he drank, but wow is he annoying when he's drunk. Always thought that part was in my head when I was drinking as well, because at times I could be extremely irritable if I was drinking.
But no, it's not drunk me. He really is quite annoying when he's drunk.
I really wanted to take my dog to the beach this weekend but this head cold is just ridiculous. Did manage to do some laundry and cleaning after a shower gave me some pep yesterday. I'm going to run out for some ice cream and maybe I'll feel more gusto after filling my stomach and another shower today. Really hoping to be better by tomorrow as I have several projects lined up for the work week that I'd like to dive into.
Still very sick. Husband took my stepdaughter to his cousin's house for a swim yesterday evening and came back slightly drunk. I didn't care that he drank, but wow is he annoying when he's drunk. Always thought that part was in my head when I was drinking as well, because at times I could be extremely irritable if I was drinking.
But no, it's not drunk me. He really is quite annoying when he's drunk.
I really wanted to take my dog to the beach this weekend but this head cold is just ridiculous. Did manage to do some laundry and cleaning after a shower gave me some pep yesterday. I'm going to run out for some ice cream and maybe I'll feel more gusto after filling my stomach and another shower today. Really hoping to be better by tomorrow as I have several projects lined up for the work week that I'd like to dive into.
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