healthyagain

how things started going down for my AH since I moved out, stopped enabling completely and detached physically. Now I do have this whirlwind of emotions, but it is more like looking at a trainwreck that happened right after you got off the train.

Physically, he looks alarmingly ill. His hygiene got quite bad and body odor can get quite noticeable, but it is the one that comes from inside, when showers do not help. He started taking sick days way more often, that even his boss started suspecting an illness and urged AH to visit a doctor. His manipulation to suck me back in has reached its peak, but the methods are beyond belief. He actually dares to show up drunk and stinky and truly believe that I will not notice anything! Only this time I WAS ABLE to ask him to leave, that is a euphemism for kick him out. And after that, I DID NOT HAVE TO listen to his ramblings and yelling and screaming and banging and cussing. I could finally enforce my boundaries without any fear.

I am at the point where I cannot even get mad. I am at the point when I am thinking to myself, this man is seriously sick and will probably end up sleeping under the bridge in a cardboard box.

As for myself and my 3-month monthiversary since I catapulted myself out, I am just doing great. I paid off my 2 credit cards (used them for taxes and they saved me). I sleep well, eat well. My little business is developing nicely, and I could not even ask for more. I've met so many new people/neighbors, I chat with them every day, even attend a little art class and get messy every week.

But it is so hard not to look back and not to think, did I really spend 10 years of my life with THAT man???

I guess it is time to take a deep breath, figure out my finances, and finally file for divorce. It is a scary step. But I do not know that man anymore. I really do not.

Liveitwell

I know how you feel. I no longer knew my husband either. It was sad and scary at the same time.

hopeful4

I agree, it is quite scary to see how quickly they can progress into someone that is not even recognizable.

Glad you are doing good! Keep up the good work on you!

Refiner

So he did end up finding out where you moved to? And just shows up? Why? Where are you on divorce proceedings? I'm glad you're doing well... I just hope you can TOTALLY remove the tumor soon!

healthyagain

Basically and honestly, I myself did not even know how bad he was until we "separated." Not even close. Yes, he shows up, he basically acts as if this is not a big deal. Why? Perhaps messing with me mentally, just like he used to. Trying to suck me back in. Perhaps he really is just tripping, living in some kind of reality of his. Perhaps he is really bipolar as rumor has it.

Unfortunately, I could not file for divorce as fast as I wanted to, mainly because of money issues, and I do want to prepare for the possibility of a contested divorce, because "no fault" in this case? Or parties being able to agree on everything? So I am just buying time while saving. Smiling and waving.

Refiner

Smiling, waving and SAVING :-) Figures he's coming around acting like things are "normal"... just wait for when you file, yikes. Did you legally separate so you aren't liable for anything and he can't drain bank accounts, etc.? And the fact you didn't truly see how bad he was until you separated from him... I think that serves as a perfect example of the "frog in boiling pot" analogy for others who think the situation with their A is "not that bad".

healthyagain

Not legally separated (costs just the same as uncontested divorce), but I am completely moved out (documents with me and everything I needed), and our finances are separated (own bank accounts). He does not see my money and I ain't touching his. The only thing left is to save and file.

BlackSabbath

Awesome! You're moving in the right direction. Sorry he isn't