mary2788

Yesterday my mom and I end shopping together and afterwards we went for some yummy frozen yogurt. We actually sat in the shop and hung out together. We had a wonderful day with no fighting.This never happened I was always so angry and irritable. I caught myself realizing I was happy and immediately shutting down.. Has anyone else experienced this? Its one thing to start feeling the negative emotions but feeling the positive ones is even overwhelming.

I also have to add that yesterday was the first time i YEARS that I actually looked in the mirror and saw a different person staring back at me. I use to avoid the mirror I just hated myself so bad. But I even thought the negative thoughts towards myself ro a second but they didn't last!

DitzyDandelion

Not sure. Have indeed had the not letting myself be happy. Back in more of a bad place at the moment and easing my way back up to happy so not having to deal with that one again yet. Hugs.

You do deserve happiness though and I hope you can in time enjoy that feeling.

Dee74

it took me a long time to trust feeling happy, Mary...but it happened eventually.
We all deserve to feel happiness and joy.

Glad you sent those negative thoughts packing

D

doggonecarl

Happiness is fleeting enough, you don't need to be cutting it short.

Relish the joy that sobriety brings with it. It will balance out the tough times that come with early recovery.

InTheEnd

You deserve it! I find it funny, that "normal" people probably don't even think about this. They're happy, sad, angry....whatever and they just go on with their day.

I find myself analyzing every emotion and feeling. It's sorta tiring but to be expected I guess. After all, after years of burying every emotion I had with alcohol, how can I trust whats real or not?

Take those moments of happiness and cherish them the best you can. You certainly do deserve them!

DitzyDandelion

I think drinking makes us not trust ourselves. Especially the knowledge that there is a little part of ourselves we can't trust, that evil little voice.

MIRecovery

Alcohol surpressed emotions both good and bad. When we get sober they come bubbling up. The guilt and shame is over and you have every right to enjoy life and be happy

ArtFriend

It's OK to be happy. Enjoy

zjw

I can totally relate!!. ALl my life i feel like i've been beaten down and told i dont deserve this or deserve that and nothing is ever good enough etc.. So to suddenly be happy i'm like waiting for someone to kick me in the teeth.

I know people who have had very bad lives who are extremely happy now despite the fact that from my view there current life is not all that grand. But why are they happy? because from where they have been to where they are now its such a wonderful change that to them this is great!

So given that concept I look at where I've been and where i am now and I have to remind myself ya know it is ok to be happy. It is ok to be content and proud of yourself a little bit etc..

Bird615

I used to feel that way and still catch it lurking there once in a while. I think it's was a subconcious belief of mine for much of my life until I became aware of it and questioned that belief. It crept back in when I began drinking again and I'm noticing now that I am back to a sober life that I think that way less and less. I don't second guess it as much and just enjoy being happy and feeling joy.

Anna

I didn't trust being happy either.

I'm glad you are noticing good things happening in your life.

Bailey3

Sounds like your going down the path to recovery. Rejoice in it!

ElleDee

I know those feelings! I've said to myself "I don't know why I feel so happy today." It's really great, isn't it? Yay!

BringingBackB

I think, as addicts, we very easily confuse pleasure with happiness.

Happiness is an internally generated long term state of contentment, void of craving or longing for external material events whereas pleasure is an externally created, short term event.

I often find myself having a pleasureable experience and like you, catch myself which then makes the pleasure go away and all the other background thoughts come back, making you feel down and wonder where the 'happiness' went!

For me I'm trying to accept that I have a long way to go until I am truly happy, but that's okay, as long as I keep making progress. The foundation of this being that we all deserve to be happy, and have the power within ourselves to make it so

LostLilly

I feel the same way. I am in very early sobriety. Feeling like I don't deserve much of anything. Where will that get us though? Who are we helping with that attitude? The only silver lining in this mess I have created, in my opinion, is if we can love and contribute to the happiness of others. I don't know if that's possible with such a low sense of what we deserve. I am on this journey with you, and I do feel it will be a journey that will enfold with time. Glad you are looking in that mirror again!! You deserve it!!😀😀

ItWillBeWorthIt

I think it is because we are not use to it. When drinking we are actually putting depression poison in our bodies... what you are feeling now is natural happiness.

We do deserve to be happy Mary -- enjoy every moment of it. I know I sure do. :-)

mary2788

You guys are wonderful.
Its true though what most of you have said..
I always wait for something bad to happen.. and if I'm not worrying I'm like OH **** i should be worrying about something so Id ig up something horrible that happened in my past and stat analyzing and worrying about it.. its a sick cycle.

Im glad I am becoming more and more aware of it and realizing that not everything has to be so negative..
Love the clear mindset..
Its a great day to be sober

Soberwolf

You are awesome mary

sugarbear1

When I began to feel happy, I started to create problems. Seems I was "used" to not feeling good. It took time to allow myself to accept happiness and feeling good again. Today, it's natural!

JK130

Thank you all. It never occurred to me that I might feel happy...ever. your responses indicate that many of you do, and that it might happen to me at some point too.