exwell66

well I am going downward it is a shame but it is what it is......sad to write this but it is the truth....hope I can recover it is up to me but I am more and more saying f it all........was told this might happen

exwell66

I have gotten better at hiding stuff ......going to key west to buy a place in a few weeks....but when she finds out im drinking again I will be out...how dumb am I.not that bad yet but matter of time...im messed up and cant get a handel on it....that's it

ItWillBeWorthIt

Thanks for you posts Ex. The best thing to do is stop drinking right now and begin Day 1. Nothing will be solved by drinking, it will only make things worse... and you do know that.

Why did you decide to pick up again?

exwell66

because I wanted to and I will loose my life if I don't stop for me a quart of vodka is a start I can down a half gallon in a day and carry on a conversation...today had a landscaper over drank a quart and was fine so called .....like I said im falling freefall

keeppushing

Exwell,

When I've been in that situation, I find that breaking down my thinking into smaller bits helps. A kaizen of coming back. Picking very small goals to achieve, not necessarily with drinking but with any life facet, and then going after them. Each success builds confidence in your abilities, and then you can face the bigger issues.

At least that is what has worked for me.

I wish you all the best.

KP

exwell66

I am starting to blow off work you know fk them

GS123

Exwell, seems like you understand your problem and accept that you need and more importantly want help, no easy roads or painless fixes but that is a very very important first step, many resources exist to help but none of them are worth a damn if you don't want to get better, go to a meeting, talk to a doctor, come here for support, do whatever you need to do, you can be sober, you have taken the first step realizing you have a problem, now comes the second step, taking the initiative needed to address it, not something easy, but it is possible. Many, many people here know exactly what you are going through and are here to help and listen.

Dee74

You can stop digging that hole any time ex.

The idea that you can't help but drink, and screw anyone who doesn't understand you're an alcoholic is just pure addiction talking at you.

It takes a good investment of time and effort to quit and stay that way - there's no short cuts.

It's like you have a screaming toddler there and you're just letting it scream and wander about, throwing tantrums and messing itself with no parental guidance....

Be the parent.
You need to take charge.

You have the power over your urges, and you have access to so many avenues of help - this place, AA or some other meeting based group...inpatient or outpatient rehab...

I hope you decide to quit sooner rather than later cos the longer you leave it the worse it's gonna be and the harder it's going to be to stop....

D

ItWillBeWorthIt

You have stopped before, correct Ex? Why not make today/tomorrow Day1.
Do you go to AA? If so, can you go to a meeting or call a sponsor? If you don't go to AA have you tried or research other support options?

Life will get better when you choose to make it Day1 and do one day at a time.

exwell66

I need to talk to somebody called hotlines and well its not worth the dial for the most part........believe me...im an expert

Dee74

I don't think you need to talk to people as much as you need to take action Ex.

You can talk til you're blue in the face but unless you stop drinking, it's not going to be much good for you to simply talk.

What happened to that friend of yours that was going to help?

D

exwell66

don't have a sponser again I am a rational person and have my mind straight except for this drinking thing.....don't have time to weed out the assholes for a good sponser that might sound insane but there are a lot of people that can do more harm than good

exwell66

well no call back ....although he called me 3x so go figure

ItWillBeWorthIt

Can you call your friend that was going to help again Ex?

exwell66

no I am a like I said a rational person don't call me then don't pick up the phone......don't have time for ********......anyone here will understand that...........this is no joke

exwell66

i know all the catch phrases its not about that i have been through it and if i get back to it im out.....that's real.....I will just wither away sad but that's what I will do...I have the money to just go away........read into that what you might

Dee74

Maybe a Rational Recovery approach would suit you?

All you need to know is in the books, there's no sponsors or meetings, just you and a rational approach...

That way you don't have to rely on anyone, noone else can let you down, and the buck always stops with you.

It also means that there's no excuse for not starting work right away

Google 'AVRT' or check out our secular connections forums

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

Let us know how you get on

D

ScottFromWI

Nothing will change until you do exwell. Eventually the job and the money will be gone too and they you won't be able to run away any longer. You have a choice just like all of us did, I hope you can make the right one.

exwell66

checked that link nobody has posted since june....

exwell66

I know whats happening been there done it...sad to say tell me what I don't know..........looking for guidance don't tell me what I already know in reality looking for somebody to take my hand and help me....is that too much to ask,,,,well it seems like it is