Meraviglioso

I'm not going to do it. But I had to come on here and read and post as a release. My sons have been away for 3.5 weeks, sailing the glorious seas of the mediterranean with their father and his girlfriend, friends and grandparents. They had the best time ever and are tan and gorgeous and so grown even after just a few weeks (they are 6.5 and 5.5). There were strong winds so although they were supposed to arrive with their father on the sailboat, he stopped at an island and sent the kids with his girlfriend on a ferry. I picked them up at a port on the mainland.
The joy at seeing them is so immense it is almost consuming me. I see now that I have a real struggle with strong emotions. I want to drink because I just don't know how to handle all this emotion, even though it is positive.
I don't know what to do about this. I am feeling pretty good this time around about my resolve but I know this will continue to be an issue unless I find a healthy way to deal with the bad… and the good.
Today I am just trying to focus on the joy of being with them, playing with them and getting through it. I know that I do not want to ruin their first day back with getting tipsy or worse, drunk.
Does anyone have any tips or books or anything for dealing with strong emotions, both good and bad?
I've tried therapy here, and am still going to see the addiction counselor. But really they all want to dig deep and find some hidden trauma. I do have my fair share of traumas, even some really heavy, important stuff. But I also feel like I am good at healing and do not feel like I have major issues due to those things. I hate having to rehash all that, I just think it is better to have a positive attitude, accept that sh*t happens and move on.
I do not feel as though I am bipolar, I don't have the major symptoms, other than being overly sensitive.
Whew. Just posting is helping me work through my craving. But I am learning to make solid plans and prepare myself and I'd like to address this more thoroughly. There may be a time where I experience this when I am unable to read and post, I need to have other methods of dealing so I am ready for this when it happens again, because it will.

lessgravity

I know that emotion exactly. I love my son to death but the pain of separation from his mom and his sadness drive me to the bottle.

Have you read about "urge surfing"? It was recommended to me when I first came on here years ago and I find it to be very instructive.

http://www.mindfulness.org.au/urge-s...se-prevention/

Stay strong.

ccam1973

Meraviglioso, great job on coming here, reading and posting. In my early days that is what kept me sober. With time, it gets easier to deal with. The cravings become less harsh and desire to drink seems to ease as well.

But with time, your mind will try to forget just how bad it was. Always remember why you are sober today. During all of my relapses, i strayed from my plan, spent less time here at SR and let my mind trick me into thinking I could handle a few drinks.

You are a strong person, keep in control of your life.

Great job staying sober and so happy you had a wonderful reunion with your sons.

doggonecarl

They are emotions...not cancer. They don't have to be "dealt" with. They are to be experienced. Good ones you enjoy. Bad ones you ride out like a storm.

biminiblue

That super sensitivity dies down in time, Mera. What Carl says, too. Anxiety and excitement feel the same in my body, so I had to learn the difference.

It took nearly a year for me to be able to be calm in the storm, so to speak. There is healing going on in your nervous system and brain.

Prayer and meditation were my biggest help. Still are. Exercise is really helpful, too. Get the boys and jump on your bikes!

hopeful4

You know what, there does not have to be some deep trauma causing this trigger for you. I was so shocked to hear my X say in counseling once that he drinks when he is bored. Here I was looking for some deep meaningful reason, but in reality he was just bored? Big eye opener.

However, it really does not matter why. The counselor can help you learn how to redirect those feelings when you feel triggered, regardless of the reason.

Good luck to you and enjoy the time with your babies!!!!

FarToGo

I o know what you mean, good times can overwhelm and be too intense, I've drank all mine away in the past and now I can't / don't want to anymore. I think with your kids it's really even more so, full of huge love, need to protect them, responsibility .............. Not sure I can advise as I'm in a bad place myself and battling or trying to sit with (when I remember not to battle), my own situation.
Just posting to say I relate, glad you posted and hope the answers from others will be useful for me as well. Just don't drink is all I can add, we know it never helped before.
Take care
xx

Soberwolf

Try urgesurfing Mera

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Post here as much as you need to were all here for you

Fly N Buy

I drank because I liked to get drunk - especially when I was bored! I needed that ahhhhh feeling. I was restless, irritable and discontented.

In sobriety I had to find a way to deal with those things of which my own will power simply does not work. Not with alcohol........

Carl sums it up well, I identify with it. But, irritability - that was my problem. I had to find another way.....

Meraviglioso

Thanks for the support everyone. We have played with legos and I am now cooking a full on American BBQ for dinner. I know they only ate fish and pasta on the boat, so a good ol' hamburger on the grill with ketchup and all the fix ins will be delicious tonight. I'm even making home made french fries. My house stinks of fried oil but they are so excited!

ScottFromWI

I'd echo Carl's point. Emotions are simply part of life, and our addiction to alcohol was a failed attempt to hide from them rather than experience them.

How do you deal with them? Like you just did - you recognize them and face them. You came here to talk it through and found a very healthy way to experience the situation without alcohol. That's called "coping"...and whether you realize it or not you just did it!

Meraviglioso

Good point. It does feel so weird. Despite my heavy drinking I always felt very mature and capable when dealing with bad stuff, good stuff, trauma, emotions. I felt like I could be strong through anything and be positive despite, I just felt very sensitive. I am starting to see now I drank (in part, of course there were many other reasons) when I needed to numb down certain emotions. I feel sort of like a child now, coming on and posting "oh, I'm making dinner" "uh, my kids are here" etc etc. But the truth is, it does help.

dwtbd

Dont feel like a little kid, when you post things like that you are taking action against the little voice that says/reminds us this a situation that precipatated drinking in the past so..
The more times that voice is met with a "NO" the weaker it gets and the less it will come around. Starve it out.

thomas11

As demonstrated already, the Calvary has started to arrive. You'll make it.

post post post.

Meraviglioso

Made it! Off to bed soon. We had a nice dinner, took a bath, then went for a gelato. When we returned it was bed time, we have a rule, they can choose an English book that I will read or an Italian book that my older son, who is learning to read, reads. I do my best to have them hear only English from me. Tonight they chose an Italian book and it was lovely to sit and enjoy while having real, true patience. Anyone who has a child learning to read can relate, it is wonderful, but, um… patience testing to sit through 10 minute pages. Before when I was drinking I was just raging inside for it to be over with so I could get o my drinking. Not tonight. My super boy is growing and learning and I'm happy to be a part of it.

dwtbd

It's great they're exposed to an opportunity to learn fluency in two languages at that age. I'm hopelessly unolingual inser ironic smiley face emoticon here

Meraviglioso

I think so too. Though I have to say, despite my efforts, they prefer Italian. In the end they hear English only from me. They get Italian from their father, grandparents, cousins, friends, school, even me when we are out and I need to speak to the cashier at the supermarket, friends, etc. I speak exclusively to them in English and they respond in Italian. They give me an appropriate response though, so it is clear they fully understood me, but they choose to express themselves verbally in Italian.

However, when I am angry or feel the need to yell (I know, I know, not good) for some reason it comes out in Italian. One day I was getting frustrated and was yelling at them to stop messing around and hurry up because we needed to head to the gym. I said "ora basta! Andiamo in macchina, adesso andiamo alla palestra!" (Enough! Let's get in the car, now we are going TO the gym) My 3 year old son said "mommy, non si dice 'alla palestra' si dice 'IN palestra'" (mommy, you don't say 'TO the gym' you say 'in the gym'") I said "AGH JUST GET IN THE CAR ALRIGHT!!"

dwtbd

Lol, sounds like he hates PDFs too

ckoures

I do anything to stay busy - except cook (cooking is associated, for me, with drinking wine.) Go to the movies, take a hike, look at their pictures - send them to the grocery store, not you, so you won't be tempted. I'm like you. Only I want to drink when I am angry or very, very sad. You can do it. I know you can.

Dee74

I'm glad you got through it Mera.

I was deathly afraid of feelings - good feelings bad feelings it didn't matter...anything in excess was my cue to drink.

I started drinking in my twenties when feelings were overwhelming me.

In one of those paradoxical things I sought control by being drunk...being drunk wasn't scary.

I learned in time that feelings come and they go...and I learned that I'm more capable than I ever thought I was in dealing with them.

Like Carl said, they need to be experienced - and I'm sorry for me that I forgot that for a decade or two.

D