Broken Routine
Broken Routine
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but somehow I broke my routine.
I had to go on short term disability back in June and was prescribed hydrocodone to deal with the pain. Due to the immense amount of antibiotics I was on, I could no longer exercise.
So, I was on my back unable to work or go to the gym. I think this break in my routine combined with my AV being awoken by the pain medication I was prescribed caused me to start drinking again. I fell off the wagon hard.
And I can't seem to get back on. This is scary for me as I can't seem to stop drinking. I haven't drank this hard ever in my entire life. I've created this new routine of being perpetually drunk rather than functioning as a sober person.
I understand that nothing changes if nothing changes but I can't seem to break this rut I'm in.
I don't want to be this person. I know I can be a better person.
I had to go on short term disability back in June and was prescribed hydrocodone to deal with the pain. Due to the immense amount of antibiotics I was on, I could no longer exercise.
So, I was on my back unable to work or go to the gym. I think this break in my routine combined with my AV being awoken by the pain medication I was prescribed caused me to start drinking again. I fell off the wagon hard.
And I can't seem to get back on. This is scary for me as I can't seem to stop drinking. I haven't drank this hard ever in my entire life. I've created this new routine of being perpetually drunk rather than functioning as a sober person.
I understand that nothing changes if nothing changes but I can't seem to break this rut I'm in.
I don't want to be this person. I know I can be a better person.
Newhope01 do not accept the fact that you cannot stop drinking. YOU CAN. You have to want sobriety really really bad and be willing to do absolutely anything to achieve this. Throw out the alcohol. Continue to reach out for support like you are doing now. You can do this. This is your AV's line of BS it is feeding you to make you think negatively like this. Do this and become the better person you know you are.
Newhope, you can do this. Do what ever it takes to not drink today. You know how to get your life back, use the tools you have built in the past.
You have the power to make this change. When your AV starts to chime in, do anything to divert your attention and let the wave pass.
Stay strong.
You have the power to make this change. When your AV starts to chime in, do anything to divert your attention and let the wave pass.
Stay strong.
I hope you can see things in a more positive light. You're lucky to not have withdrawals to deal with. And, you do have the ability to stop drinking, now, today. It may feel like you don't, but you do. Start a new healthy routine today and stick with it.
Thanks soberwolf, I really appreciate your kindness.
Just feel so stupid to find myself in this situation again.
This morning at 4AM when I woke up curled around my cat, I had the thought how did I get to to this point. Then slam my hand to my forehead, "oh yeah, I'm an alcoholic!" I can't drink!
Just feel so stupid to find myself in this situation again.
This morning at 4AM when I woke up curled around my cat, I had the thought how did I get to to this point. Then slam my hand to my forehead, "oh yeah, I'm an alcoholic!" I can't drink!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
HI newhope, that's a tough one and I feel for you. I hope you can pull out of it soon. This likely won't help, but I'll mention it anyway. I was prescribed oxycodone a couple months ago and that, along my injury(s), STOPPED me from drinking. Too many horror stories of people mixing opiates with booze and not waking up. Something to consider.
It triggered me into a downward spiral, it didn't stop me as I purposely started mixing them bc I liked potentiating the effects of the opiates. But, I flushed those and won't be getting more.
Like, I said, kind of stupid. Anything for a buzz I guess huh?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Anything AND Everything, that's what the AV is willing to spend of Y our life to get that buzz, by my book keeping that is too damn costly. The temporary effects of intoxication just cost too much(in body and soul), and the only relief from the temporary is to make it permanent, either way I'd be trading my literal life away for the "buzz" , eff the buzz, it's not worth it. We are though, eff the buzz.
I work in the counseling field often working with people who suffer from addiction and it's our job to help folks with their addictions. So, I sling all this advice and then turn around and get loaded.
Yeah, I'd say I'm a hypocrite.
Yeah, I'd say I'm a hypocrite.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
You can certainly borrow it , but it comes with a semi-wordy pamphlet all about "no matter what" , there is a clause in there about no matter what , even if routines that tend to be comforting get snafued.
Super craving right now... Trying to let it pass as I know it will.
Sometimes I ask myself, "what will I get out of drinking right now?" A transient brief buzz followed by long periods of guilt, shame, and remorse. What's the point? Why do I have to keep going back to the bottle? I know its an empty existence.
I feel so awful.. one of my co-workers just asked me if I am feeling okay due to all the times I have called out. I don't even know what to say.
Sometimes I ask myself, "what will I get out of drinking right now?" A transient brief buzz followed by long periods of guilt, shame, and remorse. What's the point? Why do I have to keep going back to the bottle? I know its an empty existence.
I feel so awful.. one of my co-workers just asked me if I am feeling okay due to all the times I have called out. I don't even know what to say.
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