Can I ask this here?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 122
Can I ask this here?
I know this isnt really about ex. But i though i could ask here, as I always get wise advice 😃. So a while back I was introduced by a mutual friend to a single guy who has the same hobbies as me and hes a single parent. I really did kind of like him and i would like to know him better. But im slightly confused! And dont want to be getting all codie on this one...lol. I dont really see him loads as he lives in a different area. We have never really chatted in detail about attraction or anything. But he has gone out of his way to help me here and there when he is in the area. He jumped at the chance to clean my windows, inside and out for free...lol. There has always been a little bit of flirting and a joke between us. He always calls me beautiful. Anyway i saw him this weekend at a dog show, but he didnt really want to stop and chat as he walked past he just said " Hello beautiful" and carried on. I didnt see him for the rest of the day. I would have thought he would have wanted to speak to me. But he looked a bit embrassed. So my question after lots of rambling. Should I tell him I would like to get to know him better or just leave it? I really do hate rejection...lol. xx
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Some guys will flirt when they know you aren't available, but aren't necessarily interested in dating, if you are.
If you want to test the waters, you could invite him to something you'd both enjoy and see what his reaction is. If it's something having to do with your common interest, that's sort of safe and doesn't put either one of you in a position to reject or feel rejected. If he's not interested, he's not interested, no harm done to anyone's ego. OR you could ask your mutual friend to feel him out as to whether he's interested in you. That kind of depends on the tactfulness of your friend.
If you want to test the waters, you could invite him to something you'd both enjoy and see what his reaction is. If it's something having to do with your common interest, that's sort of safe and doesn't put either one of you in a position to reject or feel rejected. If he's not interested, he's not interested, no harm done to anyone's ego. OR you could ask your mutual friend to feel him out as to whether he's interested in you. That kind of depends on the tactfulness of your friend.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Jumping in a cold lake is far easier than wading in slowly and drawing out the agony.
If he is as nice as he sounds, the worst you can get is a polite rebuttal.
Alternately, the best case scenario is that you two enjoy a happy relationship.
Either way, if you don't make a move it sounds like you're in limbo until you decide to just stop holding on to whatever it is you're holding out for.
If he is as nice as he sounds, the worst you can get is a polite rebuttal.
Alternately, the best case scenario is that you two enjoy a happy relationship.
Either way, if you don't make a move it sounds like you're in limbo until you decide to just stop holding on to whatever it is you're holding out for.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I like Lexi's idea. Ask him to do something you have in common.
Since you don't see him that much it really isn't a big deal if he declines. No harm done.
Just asking him if he is well is kinda open ended. Get directly to the point.
Since you don't see him that much it really isn't a big deal if he declines. No harm done.
Just asking him if he is well is kinda open ended. Get directly to the point.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I think I will send him a message saying, sorry I missed you at the show. I hope you are well....
There was I think one of Honeypig's daily "Language of letting go" threads here in the last week or 2 - all about direct and honest people. Find it and read it - it'll help give you courage to say what you mean. It helps me
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Much like alcohol is a trigger for alcoholics…….relationships are triggers for codependents.
WE and I say WE because YOU are not alone with that…………we become anxious, nervous, over think EVERYTHING and slowly walk into the lake believing that’s the safest way for us NOT to get our feelings hurt. And the more we recover the less all of those things happen.
There was a guy who I met after my divorce and I mean right after my divorce and he was nice and had so many good qualities and no addictions or heavy baggage. I was over whelmed by his attention and attentiveness – it was too much for me at that time.
Fast forward to last year when I ran into him at a town event and he kissed me and told me how beautiful I looked and we chatted for just a few minutes because he was one of the people running the event.
I got up my nerve to call him at his business the next week since I didn’t have any other number and told him how nice it was to run into him and that it would be nice to get together and catch up. He said that would be nice and he took my #. Mutual friends were going to find out what his deal was, was he dating someone, what was his story. Needless to say he is single, had several long term relationships over the years which never worked out. The last person he dated, she only wanted to date him on Saturday nights and that was it.
So in conclusion – it was not meant to be and that’s all that matters. He never called he’s not interested and I have to respect that. And my feelings were not hurt and honestly I didn’t feel rejected because I hadn’t played out a whole future scenario about him and I in my head, I didn’t obsess about him and I didn’t travel down the road called “what is wrong with me that he’s not interested” like my old typical codie behavior would have.
I think you can gage where your recovery is by this situation and ask yourself some of those tuff questions. Are you obsessing? Is this constantly on your mind? Are you “planning” a possible fantasy future with him?
WE and I say WE because YOU are not alone with that…………we become anxious, nervous, over think EVERYTHING and slowly walk into the lake believing that’s the safest way for us NOT to get our feelings hurt. And the more we recover the less all of those things happen.
There was a guy who I met after my divorce and I mean right after my divorce and he was nice and had so many good qualities and no addictions or heavy baggage. I was over whelmed by his attention and attentiveness – it was too much for me at that time.
Fast forward to last year when I ran into him at a town event and he kissed me and told me how beautiful I looked and we chatted for just a few minutes because he was one of the people running the event.
I got up my nerve to call him at his business the next week since I didn’t have any other number and told him how nice it was to run into him and that it would be nice to get together and catch up. He said that would be nice and he took my #. Mutual friends were going to find out what his deal was, was he dating someone, what was his story. Needless to say he is single, had several long term relationships over the years which never worked out. The last person he dated, she only wanted to date him on Saturday nights and that was it.
So in conclusion – it was not meant to be and that’s all that matters. He never called he’s not interested and I have to respect that. And my feelings were not hurt and honestly I didn’t feel rejected because I hadn’t played out a whole future scenario about him and I in my head, I didn’t obsess about him and I didn’t travel down the road called “what is wrong with me that he’s not interested” like my old typical codie behavior would have.
I think you can gage where your recovery is by this situation and ask yourself some of those tuff questions. Are you obsessing? Is this constantly on your mind? Are you “planning” a possible fantasy future with him?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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No I'm not getting any of those obssesive thoughts. I would just like to get to know him a little better. I know I'm not looking for a full blown heavy relationship. But a friendship with him would be great...
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