LostLilly

Hello,

I am feeling really depressed and hopeless. It's like nothing brings joy anymore. I know I can't drink and that was what I looked forward to for so long. It got out of control and I can't go back to normal usage. Anyway, I have struggled my whole life with anxiety and have tried so many meds that have not worked. In therapy again. Feel terrible about drinking regrets, bad decisions made. . . The thoughts haunt me day and night like what could of happened and how I have let people down. I have been a terrible mom. I have never felt so low. Had a one day slip within the last month of total sobriety. I feel like a failure for that even still. It's the oppressive sadness and lack of joy and daily regret and fear. I went to AA for the first time yesterday and it was ok I guess. Will read about it tonight an go again tomorrow. Just venting I guess. My kids are so full of life and activities and hope and I am a shred of a broken human being with no hope right now.
Lilly

Dee74

Hi Lilly

I drank for 20 years so it took me a little while to feel ok again, emotionally.
Do hang in there

Have you spoken to a Dr or counsellor about your depression at all?

D

Anna

Lilly, I'm sorry that you're feeling so low. You said you've tried lots of meds for anxiety, but have you tried any medication for depression or have you talked to your dr about that? I have anxiety & depression and I have meds for the depression that work pretty well in levelling the playing field for me. They don't do anything for the anxiety though. Have you tried meditation or yoga?

Wastinglife

HI Lilly, I know exactly how you feel. My struggle with alcohol is intertwined with depression/anxiety. I'm not sure which came first. The more often I drank, the worse my mental state became when not drinking. I remember my hangovers from the weekend lasting longer and having low mood well into the week. I began to self-medicate with booze everyday then and went right down the slippery slope to full blown alcoholism.

When I sobered up after years of heavy drinking, the depression/anxiety were still there. My brain had changed and I could feel it. healthy eating, exercise, therapy, nothing worked.

I went on antidepressants as a last resort and I feel great now. I see a therapist and go to AA as well. I'm just happy to be out of that dark place finally. Things do get better. Do whatever you can and I'm sure this will pass for you soon

thomas11

I feel for you LL. I agree with Dee and Anna about seeking medical solutions, although it sounds like you've sought treatment for your anxiety. I believe depression has been proven to be treatable and I hope you find peace soon.

TNTStill

It's tough, and I feel you. Those waves of depression via regrets are a hard thing to cope with.

The way I try to look at things now since my relapse two months ago is that I have to remember that the past is over and the hopefulness of a better future is there.

It'll get better, it just takes some time. I still get down, but I know that drinking won't make me feel better. I tried (as most of us have).

Good luck and prayers to you.

Soberwolf

Meraviglioso

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I definitely would see a doctor. I know the feeling of having had tired many medications, but your mental health is worth fighting for.
As for your children, I know when I am having particularly rough days, I really force myself to do one good thing for my kids. At least one. YOu can then put your head on the pillow at night knowing you tried.
Cook them a great, healthy meal, take them to the park, sit and help with homework, watch a movie together. Really BE there for these activities. Even if you are forcing your way through it, it will make you feel better and like a better mother.
Thinking of you and wishing you well.

MythOfSisyphus

You are wrong about one thing, LostLilly- there is hope! Every day you're on the green side of the grass there is hope. In early recovery anhedonia and depression are apt to strike. But they don't have to be permanent fixtures in your life. Positive self talk is a good start, as is using your rational mind to examine the context of your feelings and your life. But if the feelings don't abate over time consider seeing a doctor.

We all feel down sometimes but depression and a lack of ability to feel joy doesn't have to be the norm of your life.