getright15

I'm on day 3 since I was released from jail. I haven't had a drink at all but man the issues I've cause I just feel as if I'm just a lost cause. My wife isn't even mad at me she made a comment to me that I guess I deserve which was "hate to say it but we're used to this". That made me feel so terrible inside. I mean I would go months without an incident and things are going well. Then this sh*t hit the fan and I'm barely hanging on to both of my jobs. I just don't know what to do next anymore. I need to get my truck out of the inpound which can't be driven since it has 2 blown tires I assume from a curve I hit. So that's just more money. I thought I had a plan and it was working then I get side tracked. Sometimes I feel like just giving up. Me not being around and just ending it all will help my family better than me sticking around making their lives miserable with my alcoholism. I'm tired of dealing with myself and the problems I bring. Just one set back after the next when I feel I'm making progress I take 3 steps backwards and then the new problems I created await for me. I just think I'm a lost cause and just flat out untreatable with this ratchet disease.

Hope2014

I'm sorry to hear that all of this has happened. The good news is that it can stop now- it's up to you. Don't pick up another drink and make a plan. Get your wife on board with your plan for support and of course post and read here often. No one can change this except for you. Decide today that enough is enough. Alcohol is a prison - only you have the key to get yourself out. Make this your day 1.

Bird615

No one is untreatable. If you are newly sober, give it some time. We have a lot of ups and downs early on and need to find new and better ways of dealing with life. This takes time. The important thing is to not give up. If you don't have any face-to-face support that might help, too.
Just as no one is untreatable, I don't believe that anyone is a lost cause either. Stay close to SR and keep on trying. We are here for you.

myjourney111713

Getright15 - Yes, you are in a low place right now, but the only place to go from here is up!!! Don't let your past dictate the rest of your life. Only you can change it. Stay strong and keep coming here for support. We care about how you're doing!!

Nonsensical

Just two options? Drunkenness or suicide? The fact that you haven't listed the best and obvious option speaks loudly that you are in the prison of addiction Hope2014 wrote about.

I've been in that prison. I once bought additional life and liability insurance to protect my family from the inevitable disaster I was going to bring. I thought there was no way to avoid it.

I was wrong.

The alcoholic living in my head loved to tell me I was worthless; a lost cause. I was so much easier to control when I believed it.

The alcoholic living in my head is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it. I stopped listening to the bullspit it was telling me and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

You can do this.

SereneEdition

Hi Getright15 -

Do you really feel like you're untreatable? Are you sober now?

Something tells me that if you're posting then there is a small voice inside of you that believes that you can do this. Listen to that voice!

When I feel a overwhelmed, taking things just 1 day at a time helps me get on track. I hope it will work for you too.

Anna

Of course you are treatable, and you simply must not give up. Do this for yourself and your family and be the person you want to be. I understand you have messes to clear up, but it can be done, slowly and surely. Hang in there.

getright15

Yes, I'm sober and have been for the past few days. I'm just at a complete low point right now where I feel nothing I do is right.

2ndhandrose

Things change, Getright15. You are not beyond help, I don't believe anyone is beyond help.

And you deserve to have this chance.

It might take some time but please don't give up.

least

I felt untreatable too, until I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Then I was treatable.

Hevyn

Getright, I'm so sorry you're in pain. Of course you're treatable. Please stay with us and keep posting. We all understand & we're here to listen.

I drank 30 yrs. & now have over 7 sober. I had two dui's and my life was a wreck, so I know how you feel. I put it all back together by giving up the idea that I could ever touch the stuff. There's no such thing as one or two drinks for us. Every time we allow ourselves to believe that fantasy, we're heading to danger. Never give up on the idea of having a better life - we know you can do it.

Dee74

I don't think anyones untreatable Getitright, but I think a lot of us struggle to get to the 'no more alcohol ever no matter what' point.

I had to ask myself some serious questions:

Knowing the damage drink causes, what makes you drink again?
Can you think of ways to deal with that?
do you need more support? or do you need to make more changes to your life?

Have you been giving 100% to your recovery?

D

doggonecarl

Work as hard at rebuilding your life as you have at dismantling it and you will succeed.

thomas11

I can understand you feeling pretty low getitright, it you didn't feel like were at a low point, it would be worrisome. Carl makes a good point, and while I'm sure you didn't set out to be in your current situation, you are, and it will take some pretty serious effort to dig yourself out. It can be done, and many many people have done it. I went back and read some of your other threads and I didn't see anything that mentioned treatment or rehab. Have you considered that?

I was at my lowest point in my life in the late 90's. Gave some pretty serious consideration to taking the easy way out. Obviously didn't do it. I now own my own business, got married 12 years ago, have a vacation home etc...and along the way there were some serious ups and downs, but I crawled out of the gigantic hole I had dug myself. Just hang in there man, it can only get better.

getright15

Thanks for everyone's input about this topic. Gives me a lot of hope. I'm actually lucky with this last case. I still have both of my jobs, and my wife's support. The odd thing is just before all of this happened I had a solid plan in place. Work out regiment, blood work done, kids with school and wife in nursing school. It is selfish of me to think about taking the easy way out because I feel like I do. Thanks for all the kind and motivational words from you all. I love this site!

INgal

Hang in the, getright! We are all behind you 100%! If you're working two jobs, have great kids, and a loving loyal wife...you can do this!

getright15

At first glance I didn't get what you meant by my 2 options of drunkenness or suicide but I get it. There is more to life than being drunk and I still have a chance to fix myself. I want so badly to get control of my life and not live this type of existence. It is so miserable.

getright15

So I decided to do an out patient rehab facility and get some help. I feel like this is my last stand dealing with this disease. I go in for admission evaluation tomorrow morning. I've tried doing it solo, doing it with just using this site, cold turkey etc. None of them have worked. So this is my first real crack at treatment. I'm still really pissed off at myself about the whole situation. I just spend almost 600.00 getting my truck out of the inpound so it can be towed to a tire place in the morning since both the front left and rear tire are blown to bits. I don't even remember what I hit but as long as it wasnt another person or a car it doesnt even matter. It had to be a curve but whatever. I need the help and I can't do it anymore.

I'm sure this is possible to believe, but I was taken back earlier today when I told my wife I was going to do an outpatient therapy and it was fully covered by my insurance. She let her mom know and all she had to say was basically I'm gonna relapse and I'm getting a mini vacation from kid duties and life. So I'm trying to save my life and my family and that is her response? I was crazy pissed, but to each their own. I'm doing this for me and to save what is left of my life and the family that I do have.

Overall I hope this works out and I want to be committed to this 100%. I want to be well and sober. I want my family to trust me and be there for me. I want the trust of my wife back. I've done so much damage I feel like a complete loser. I can't even shave because I don't want to look at myself in the mirror type depressed and just full of regret. I know what's done is done and I can't change what has been done, but that doesn't mean I can't be angry with myself.

MythOfSisyphus

I think that's a wise move, getright. You know the old saying: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Something has to change, and an outpatient rehab might be the ticket.

This might be out of the question, and forgive me if it's stupid, but do you have deep roots in Vegas? You can get sober anywhere but I'd rather do it somewhere besides Las Vegas.

Hevyn

Really glad to hear this news, getright.