Whitegold

I am a 24 year old female, and recognize that I have a problem with alcohol abuse. I don't drink every day. I like to have fun with my friends on the weekends. The majority of the time I am fine...but often I will experience a TOTAL black out. It terrifies me that I don't remember HOURS of the night. I always have friends that I'm with that take me home and explain what happened but the last time I went out, I lost all of my friends and was by myself. God know what happened. I didn't know how I got home from the bars, but the missing $200 from my wallet tells me I took a cab that took advantage of my state. This was an eye opening experience for me. I am suffering from crippling anxiety because I don't know what happened. I think the absolute worst, like I could've been raped. I like to be in control and think it's the loss of control that messes with me the most. It's killing me. I don't want to experience this angst ever again. I like socializing and drinking is fun when it doesn't go over board. I really wish I knew how to fully control myself. I control myself for months and then end up blacked out and in this same spot. My grandfather is a recovered alcoholic (sober for 20+ years)... Is it possible for me to have a healthy relationship with alcohol or is my only option to quit completely? I have a good job, and really care about my life. I know that one drunken binge can screw it all up. I scare myself sometimes. I think about moving sometimes because all my friends do is party, and I live in a city that is all about partying. Should I work with a therapist to learn my limits? AA? Any advice would be greatly appreciated....and apologize if anything was offensive.

GnikNus

Hi-

Given that alcoholism is progressive, and you are showing that when you drink you drink excessively, in spite of not being a daily drinker (yet), you could easily become one. Add the possible genetic link through your grandfather and I'd say your potential to become a problem drinker is pretty high.
Sounds like you recognize the problem ( and potential for a worse problem down the road) and are in the (enviable) situation to head it off before you spend years and decades in the cycle. You came to the right place.

Soberwolf

Welcome Whitegold

myjourney111713

Hi Whitegold, it started that way for me, too. I used to be able to only drink on the weekends, had an occasional "scare," and then it progressed as I made my way into my 30's. If you're looking for a recommendation - do yourself a favor now while you can and put yourself as the top priority in your life. Alcohol is sneaky and one of the most dangerous drugs in the world.

CaseyW

Welcome to SR, Whitegold. All I can give is my personal experience--once I started experiencing blackouts like you describe I was past the point of being able to moderate or control my drinking. Lord knows I tried every method in the book.

There is a social life outside of bars, I promise. Hope you'll stick around here and give sobriety a real try. This is a better way of life.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Whitegold!!

DitzyDandelion

Welcome. Hugs and impressed at your self awareness and care for yourself in stopping to think about this at this stage. Very few do.

Foolsgold186

Welcome whitegold!!

I used to dread having to text/call my friends after a night out! My blackouts were horrifying! Them having to fill in the blanks were never pleasant for anyone, especially me. My life was a constant "party" so much so I don't remember 90% of it....not so fun after all.

Wishing you well. Being sober is a much better way of life.

Good luck.

Leigh x

vanaprastha

Welcome Whitegold. Stick around and read some of the experiences other people have posted. Lots of support here.

Trees39

Welcome whitegold. Stay close, lots of wonderful people here, lots of folk in their 20s, good on you for posting.

blueberry2015

Its good your recognising that there maybe a problem here, I can't really add much more than the others have stated. Well you have two choices you can either moderate your drinking on your nights out, alternate from an alcoholic drink to a non alcoholic drink, drink your drinks slower etc and stop drinking as soon as you feel the effects - if this fails then and you cant do that then there maybe a problem and abstaining is the only way forward. There is lots of advice on line to moderate your drinking and loads and loads of support if you wish to abstain. Im an alcoholic.... I have to admit those kinda binge weekend blackouts in the early days has lead me to here now. Only you can make your decision on what you want to do x x x Good Luck x x x

blueberry2015

PS you would be welcome in AA its open to anyone who has a drink problem or think they may have a drink problem.... the main goal of AA is sobriety, it wouldnt do you any harm to pop along to a meeting x

Jema33

Welcome white gold. I've been here a week and it's very welcoming. I've the same problem at weekends... keep in touch

Hevyn

Great to meet you, whitegold. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on in your life. I did reckless and dangerous things when I drank too - but I didn't try to stop in my 20's. My life ended up in a terrible mess that could have been avoided. Good that you're taking a look at the damage drinking is doing.

Dee74

Hi and welcome whitegold

I never found a way to turn back after I started experiencing blackouts I'm afraid.

Have you tried to 'control yourself' before?

D

ckoures

Welcome. I think the very fact you are questioning yourself means, at some level, you know that the relationship with alcohol is not healthy. I wish I had realized the more often I took a "am I a dunk" quiz, the more likely I was a drunk. Our intuition is priceless.

Whitegold

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for the responses... its comforting to know that I am not alone. It's been 5 days since the taxi incident and I'm still extremely anxious about it. I wanted to see if anyone has experienced, or know of a woman who blacked out in a cab and ended at home with the same feelings (obsessing over what if I was touched innapropriately or raped). I was fully clothed when I got home, but don't know the time I arrived or anything. I am praying that the person just stole the money. I've read online that people's brains will fill in the worst case scenario... And that may just be the case. I wrote a letter to myself explaining all of these feelings that I am having. I will NEVER put myself in this position EVER again. I love myself too much any help would be appreciated. Thanks everybody

biminiblue

Well, you could go to a doctor and get checked for STDs and pregnancy.

The problem with drinking is that this type of thing could happen at any time we drink. Once you have crossed from having one or two into getting drunk, a young woman is in danger. I was that young woman.

Obsessive thinking is really common with alcoholics - it will get much better after continuous sober time.

You'll get through this. I think it's very possible the money was lost or stolen some other way other than

blueberry2015

Bless you black outs are not nice, do you have any physical evidence that you were assaulted hun, I so hope you dont. I have been there myself I wont go to much into it, although I remember 90% of what happened I have a blackout of 10% and like you I was left wondering what the hell happened. I KNOW I was inappropriately touched as that is what brought me out of the black out, I also KNOW I wasnt raped I had no physical evidence to suggest that I was ... if you know what I mean. It is scary, but its important to stick to facts on what you DO know rather than allowing your head run riot. I hope your ok. Chalk it up to a lesson learnt, thats all I could do. It taught me and you a valuable lesson how vulnerable we can be whilst drunk x x x blessings to you honey x x x

thomas11

Alcohol abuse almost always gets worse and rarely gets better. You are young, use it to your advantage. I would also listen intently to those who have a long stretch of sobriety under their belt. They have done and seen it all, and speak the truth. Welcome and wishing you the best.