Ditchingthewine

Here I am waking up on day 3 feeling strong and determined!

Last night, I went out into the city and visited 6 bars, had a meal and didn't touch a single DROP of alcohol. Do you know what? I had more fun than ever before!!!

I was offered tastes of cocktails, but even refused those. I know that even one drop is enough to potentially set me off.

I'm especially proud because it's rare for me to have the opportunity of a night out and the kids are away at their grandparents. Usually, I would go wild on a night like that. See it as a wasted opportunity if I didn't get hammered (shameful)!

I really, really feel that this is it. Alcohol is an ex that I'm finally feeling I CAN turn my back on and walk away. Don't need that rubbish in my life anymore.

Shared everything with my OH last night (he was drinking and that's fine, plus he knows when to stop - I explained I don't, and never will). He understands, and supports me. He offered to go home and stop drinking, but I genuinely am not bothered by seeing alcohol or others drinking. The thought of it just reviles me.

I know it's early days, but I do see a massive turning point, as I have NEVER felt this way before.

Sending strength and love to you all, wherever in the world you might be. Xx

CaseyW

I'm glad you didn't drink last night. Sounds like your conversation with your OH (not sure what that abbreviation means...other half?) went very well also.

Though it went well last night, I will say to be careful hanging around bars too much in early sobriety. What's that old saying--you hang around a barber shop long enough, sooner or later you're going to get a haircut.

Wishing you the best today, ditching. Keep checking in when you can...

Dee74

Good for you Ditchthewine

Please do still be vigilant tho - addiction is a bit of a relentless bugger and it likes to leap out at us when our guard is down.

D

blueberry2015

Well done, that was a test for you and you overcome it, keep reminding yourself how well you did if you ever feel the urge to drink in the future, remind yourself of that night. Its great to feel in control of our addiction, ive had a similar experience recently myself. Just out of interest what did you say when you were offered a drink?

blueberry2015

Ive yet to go out with friends, only a selective few know and immediate family im an alcoholic aquaintances and my wider family dont know, one day I will be in the same situation.

Soberwolf

Congrats Ditchingthewine on not drinking

ZetaP38

"Let go....or be prepared for a dragging."

The *only* successful attitude in recovery is finally gaining a serious
respect for the wiles of ego.....baffling, cunning, and powerful. Being almost too scared to breathe in the early days, while beginning to apply proven tools and a flicker of Hope, yields more reliable results.

I hope you have a pink parachute to descend safely from that mighty high pink cloud. Six bars in one night for someone with 20 yrs sobriety would be insanity/ego on a tear. Waving red flags in front of the bull is not advised.

I stopped trying to outrun or drown the inner misery, and (with lots of help) began to name it, one day at a time. What I'm unwilling to see cannot be healed.

My suggestion would be that when the slack runs in...don't drink, no matter what. Relapse is not mandatory, unless we fail to grasp the depth and seriousness of the problem.

All the best to you,

PJ

Ditchingthewine

Thanks Blueberry,

I just wrote a long reply, but my PC crashed! Grrr!

I simply said "no thanks, I've really, really gone off alcohol. I don't enjoy it anymore". Simple as that. I meant it, too.

I'm not arrogant enough to assume I will always feel like this. I know my feelings will change.

However, last night I felt strong enough to go, so I did. If I hadn't have done, I would have stayed at home.

If I had stayed in last night, for me PERSONALLY, that would have been counter-productive. I would have resented my sobriety for holding me back. Also heightened my social isolation and anxiety and made me feel like I actually CAN'T socialise sober. I now know I CAN.

I am gong to draw on this in my darkest moments to help me through. Also going to draw on the ludicrous sight and sound of drunken people making fools of themselves.

I'm not saying "that's it, I'm fixed [smug grin]". I'm saying I had a good night without drink. I'm not going to feel bad for doing well even if it is only day 3.

I have relapsed countless times, but I FEEL mentally very, very different thus time. It's all I'm saying.

Addiction is very personal and I absolutely appreciate that.

2muchpain

I don't think I've heard of anybody on SR hanging out at bars with only 3 days of sobriety. I'm glad you made it through it without drinking, but I wouldn't make a habit out of it. Good luck. John

Alynn

Well done and glad you had a fun night!

bexxed

You did great! I'd be really careful about making that a habit, though... or a milestone of some kind, that if you "could do this, then--" because it's basically a snake pit. One thing I know, and I don't know much, believe me, but I do listen to people who do, is that we have to change the way we think. Going to six bars isn't something that a person would likely WANT to do on their own, without drinking. Going to six bars is about alcohol. If I was like, "hey! wanna go starbucks hopping tonight? YEAH!!!" then it would be clear that the intent of us going out would not really be to connect, or partake in any activity but DRINKING COFFEE. Same with arcade hopping, movie theater hopping, etc. Going to six bars is most definitely about booze.

One other time I went on the wagon, I remember feeling very on top of my game when I was around people who drank, in bars. They were my friends and coworkers. What I realize now is that I was there quietly on my high horse, so self conscious of their drinking and in another, new kind of denial about it.

I went to a bar to pick up my girlfriend, and was honest with myself that I didn't fit in. In and out. Coworkers brought our secretary out for birthday drinks. I had a plan, followed it, to the letter and to the time. It was about the company, quiet, intimate, and there was cake involved. Spoke to bartender ahead of time and arranged my sparkling waters to never be empty. The bars, for me, right now, are necessary evils to be avoided at all costs, and, when that is impossible, to have a very clear concise plan.

This is all for me. I can't speak for you. You did great. I'd caution to be careful with it though, based on the little that I know.

xo-B

Nowsthetime

I understand exactly what you are saying when you say that this time it feels different. I was the same way as you in the beginning and still went to places like bars and parties, however not so often because I have a young child, and really didn't change that part much. People mean well and speak from experience when they say don't go to bars but I say also from experience that if you go you don't HAVE to drink. Be prepared to have temptation or you can take it as fuel for your sobriety seeing all the drunks. As you said, recovery is so personal.

I go to places, everywhere, and I don't drink. I do not drink anymore! That's it.

I didn't change that aspect of my life but I did change my thinking and my attitude towards drinking. I educated myself with the help of SR and made a plan.

You know yourself best and it's all about you and up to you.

We are with you.

RushTogether

I don't want to put down what you accomplished, because it's big. I have 8 months of sobriety and I have yet to step into a bar for longer than the 1 time I ordered food and then took it to go.

That being said, what you're doing is playing with fire. I highly highly highly encourage you to think long and hard about if the bars are really where you want/need to be hanging out at right now.

Be well.

PurpleKnight

Great job Ditchthewine!!

Ditchingthewine

Thanks to those who have been supportive and understanding, but to those of you who have been judgmental and (frankly) rude, thank you for hurting my feelings and making me realise this forum in NOT the place for me.

I wish you all luck, but I think some of you (however experienced you are with sobriety) are dangerously close to being bullies. If someone's experience of sobriety does not fit with yours, it isn't your prerogative to belittle that person.

Some of your comments have really hurt me and knocked me down. This is NOT what a support group ought to be about.

I am leaving this forum and I think you all ought to be incredibly ashamed of yourselves. Some of your nasty comments could be very damaging.

Good luck in the future. It's a shame some people on here feel the need to kick someone when they are feeling positive for the first time in 20+ years.

RushTogether

I really hope that you consider coming back.

I didn't see one person that was rude. No one here was trying to put you down, we were just sharing our concerns.

Coming here bragging that you went to 6 bars last night, on your 3rd day sober, then getting upset when you get people that tell you that this isn't a good idea? Our points were that you can't keep living your life the same way. When you make the choice to become sober, you make the choice to change things in your life, changes of where you hang out, and who you hang out with.

I applaud you for 3 days, hopefully 4. Yes, this is a support group, and an amazing one at that. That doesn't mean we will hold your hand as you play with fire, we've seen that story play out, most of us have lived that story.

endlesspatience

After twenty years of drinking and three days sobriety, the only possible suggestion has got to be to stay away from alcohol.

DitzyDandelion

I don't think anyone intended offence. 3 days is great we just know all too well the traps that can get us so we worry.

Dee74

I'm really sorry you feel that way, because I think you'll be missing out on a great resource.

I understand that we are all different - but we're not actually that different - there are many basic commonalities to successful recovery.

Many many times I hung out in a bar when I was newly sober. I didn't want to change my life except for the not drinking bit.

Unfortunately my whole life was geared to drinking - so being in those places with those people - sooner or later I drank again.

The last time I quit, I wanted a different outcome. I wanted to put clear distance between the person I used to be and who I wanted to become.

I stayed away from places and people involving alcohol for a long time.

I wasn't a hermit tho - there's lots you can do with a little imagination, that doesn't require drinking or drinkers.

I consider those few months I spent working on my 'sober muscles' to still be invaluable today, nearly a decade later

I'm not saying this to be judgemental or rude, or God forbid a bully. The best support is sometimes not what we want to hear.

It would be great if I could save you from having to make the same mistakes I did, but I'm very well aware that all I can do is share my experience - what you do with what I've written is entirely up to you ditchingthewine

I wish you the best no matter what you decide - but please - no matter what, do cherish & protect your recovery, because it really is that valuable.

D

Nowsthetime

Hello:

I really hope you reconsider. The best part of SR is the great array of feedback you will get. Take what you like and leave what you don't. You have to see that the people here are trying to give you advice from their experience. It's hard to hang in bar, very hard. Some of us have made it, some haven't. I don't want to make it sound like I go to bar a lot. I don't, but when I do, I don't drink, I am a no drinker. Your idea of feeling different this time resonated with me because that's how it was for me. After years of knowing I needed or had to quit, it finally clicked, I felt it.

Don't be foolish and leave this place of open dialogue. Just take what you like and leave what you don't. No need to cut your nose to spite your face. is it maybe that you got upset because you expected people to be more congratulatory? But really, did you think people here were going to applaud you for hanging at a bar? It's dangerous territory...

This is your journey and you have to make it happen however it works for you. I hope I see you around.