BeanSkillet

Hi all, I'm at the end of day 10 no alcohol. I hadn't really had intense cravings until today. But I kind of knew this was coming. I've had a few day 10's before this and it was around this time when I started to get the itch.

One other thing that is exacerbating things is that my kids are staying the weekend (ages 10 and 2). I'm one of those every-other-weekend dads, so this weekend is the first weekend since I've quit that they have come over. I love my kids and we have a lot of fun when they are here, but most days I'm by myself, so it's a big change of pace when I have them. I am almost ashamed to admit this, but the stress of them being here is a big trigger to drink for me. Again, I love being a dad, but there's something about the responsibility of keeping them alive and safe that is a big build up of stress for me.

My typical routine when I have them is to drink a lot after they go to bed to relieve the tension. And on Sunday evening when they go back to their mom is when I really kick it up a notch. But now...I don't drink anymore. So I don't have my typical stress reliever.

My questions are: Do any of you fellow parents of young kids experience this type of trigger caused by the stress of parenthood? And does anyone have any suggestions for alternative ways to cope with stress and anxiety when they go home?

All I know is I don't want to drink anymore, so any advice is appreciated.

dwtbd

Peek in on them when they're asleep and show the stress and anxiety maker that you did the job. Plan for a good and fun breakfast to start off another good day. You got this.

Delfin

I can relate, BeanSkillet. Being a parent in recovery is tough. We don't get a pass from parenting just because we are fighting the biggest fight of our lives...so, I've had to come up with a plan. This is what I do: 1. I plan a lot of activities to keep the kid busy and entertained. Movies are great if Im tired or feeling grumpy. 2. Mixing in some more physical types of activities like bowling, water parks, or hikes mean that I'll be too tired to think about anything but crashing after a long day. 4. I always have great non-alcoholic drinks for the end of the day so I'm not tempted to think of something else to drink. 5. Finally, it's important for me to do things I like to do as a reward. I watch crap TV as a reward, and I don't feel one bit guilty because I earned. As long as it's not alcohol...

Good luck, friend. You can do this.

Delfin

On The Road

BeanSkillet

You're still early in your recovery. Give yourself some time to adjust. I have two kids and being sober is the best thing I've done for our relationships. I'm up early making breakfast for them, and full of energy to play ball and hang out with them. I get to see the people they are through sober eyes, and it's great.

You can get there, too. I believe in you.

Ruby2

I can relate. My daughter was 4 and my son was 7 when I started working on sobriety. They're 7 and almost 10 now. Kids are demanding. They require attention.

I try to tire mine out during the day. Trips to the park, swimming, toss the ball around, go for a walk. Then at the end of the day I try to have a routine in place for them and me. I read to them most nights. Bath, book, bed is my mother's mantra and it works pretty well. Same bedtime. After bed, I sit up and play around and read on SR, post some, watch bad television, clean up around the house and eat ice cream. There is comfort in routine.

Good work on day 10. Just know you're not alone.

BeanSkillet

Thanks guys. They are in bed now. I'm watching TV and eating junk food. Still a little stressed but feeling better. Looking forward to being alert and clear headed in the morning so we can enjoy a nice Saturday!

Ditchingthewine

I can totally relate to this. Keep up the fantastic work!

FarToGo

Pretty well all parents are going to relate to you. Parenting is wonderful but also hard, hard, hard. Be good to yourself (in a healthy way, good advice already on this thread).
Have a great weekend and enjoy your little ones.
xx

Willow3

I saw my Friday bottle of wine as like a reward for my hard work during the week with the kids. I would drink to get drunk. Drink it like water and pass out on couch beside my not drinking husband. How I saw that as a reward I don't know. I often snuck in an extra one while making dinner or when going to fill up. Yeah great reward. Anyway now I have tea or coffee and some treats instead and watch some series with my husband. I had to watch the end of a series we had been following last night. I had watched it a few weeks ago but too drunk to remember. That won't be happening again. So now reward to myself is treating myself my kids and my husband with the respect we all deserve and keeping my senses about me. I never regret that in the morning!

Willow3

Well done for nor drinking. The habit will pass soon enough and you probably won't even think of it next time they stay over.

blueberry2015

Oh yes! I have three kids and can understand how stressful it can be at times, I too would reach for a bottle at the end of they day. Im finding breathing exercising / meditationsl REALLY help when im stressed and the cravings kick in. There is an ap you can download called mindspace there is some fab 10 minute meditations you can listen too, ive found that really helpful. Enjoy your weekend with your kids x Let us know how it goes x

PurpleKnight

Day 10 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!

BeanSkillet

Kids just went back to their moms. I gotta say, not drinking this weekend wasn't all that bad. In a way, it was actually a relief, mainly because I wasn't counting down the hours until they went to bed so I could drink. Being alcohol free helped me concentrate on loving on them and being present. Sure, there's still some lingering stress, but I think that's normal for any parent. Now to get ready for another sober week!

nyala

Hey Beanskillet,

Congratulations on your sober weekend and double digits. You did all the right things - recognised the trigger, didn't keep it to yourself, you were totally honest, and you asked for help.

These early days are a rollercoaster, so make sure you stay close, and reach out if you need help.

For what its worth I have three kids under five, work from home, have just moved to a smaller house, and business is 'tough' to put it mildly.

But sobriety has made all the difference to me, I'm able to love the kids and enjoy them for who they are, comforted by the time and space that sobriety has given me back.

I have just hit 70 days, and there have been a few scary wobbles along the way, but I can tell you the rewards ( largely measured by the relationship I have with my children at all timesof the day, but especially around meal/bath/bed [formerly drinking] time ) have come quickly and no way do I want to lose this.

Thank you for posting your thoughts and best wishes for your journey !

Fradley

PS : No-one welcomes noisy argumentative nippers at six a.m., but boy is it better without a belting hangover !

myjourney111713

Great job, BeanSkillet! I have experienced something similar. My youngest son said something to me the other day. He said "mom, you're acting different." This was at bedtime. I asked him "is that a good thing?" And he said "yes" and smiled. ☺️

Anna

That's so good to hear, BeanSkillet, I'm glad your eekend went well.

zjw

I got 6 this is well said. I love the part about being present I have tattoo that says that just to remind me! And counting down the hours good god I remember those days.

Sounds like you did good!

lessgravity

I can relate to the contradiction of loving my 8 year old son so deeply and yet needing and wanting to drink because of the stress and anxiety that the relationship creates. I'm separated from his mom and when I have him and he gets sad about the situation or wants to call his mother, the crave for the booze emerges and sings out. It's hard.

Congrats on the sober weekend my man.