my life
my life
hello all
trying to keep this short ..
the beginning born September 1984
various good years and bad years {my real mum, mother parents sexually abused me as they did her for a number of years } my mother was also abused by these two persons who were her biological parents } me and her left me age 9 } she met a man ** not my real farther} name Andy]
left age 9 all was okay for a while ** if you could ignor my mothers various suicide attempts and beatings of me and her ] lets if I can fast forward time
THE TEENAGE YEARS
went into care age 11 due to a neighbour complaining of shouting {one of particular incident of me crying had black legs {I had took a beating so hard my legs were black } I went into care
several years went by I developed an eating disorder known ask bulimia nervosa where I was exercising 16 miles of running a week if not more ...... lost a lot of weight
THE FUTURE
at age 16 I met my current partner who is 12 years older than myself
still a bulimic I met him at this tender age and began a relationship
at 17 fell pregnant all of the above ceased
THEN IT ALL WENT WRONG
when my son was born I sank into a dark depression I received the bare minimum if ANY SUPPORT when I couldn't cope with my sons crying no more I lashed out and threw a bowl which could have hit him thank fully it didn't {I called my helper at the time }
they came and placed him in temporary foster care , it went t court, he was placed with my partners parents , sadly his dad has since died ogf lung cancer I still see my son regulary
I became pregnant at 19 I was told due the history {sexual. mental. physical abuse } that if I chose to keep this baby then it would also be taken
so I did as was told took various medications to abort the child only to be told after bleeding etc that the prodecure was wrong and that after various cramps etc was still pregnant I was soon put to sleep ......I don't want to go on as this is meant to be breift
MY PRESENT
I WAS AND STILL AM VERY FITNESS MAD
during my young and pregnant years and thereafter been a keen swimmer , fell runner and cyclist but I am also AN ALCOHOLIC I SEEK ALCOHOL and still do even though I know that unless I seek help ** I HAVE TRIED AA VARIOUS TIMES } I WILL DIE I have come to this forum in the hope I will finally gain the help I need to find PEACE WHICH SO MANY OF US SEEK FEW OF US FIND
MUCH LOVE CHARLOTTE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
trying to keep this short ..
the beginning born September 1984
various good years and bad years {my real mum, mother parents sexually abused me as they did her for a number of years } my mother was also abused by these two persons who were her biological parents } me and her left me age 9 } she met a man ** not my real farther} name Andy]
left age 9 all was okay for a while ** if you could ignor my mothers various suicide attempts and beatings of me and her ] lets if I can fast forward time
THE TEENAGE YEARS
went into care age 11 due to a neighbour complaining of shouting {one of particular incident of me crying had black legs {I had took a beating so hard my legs were black } I went into care
several years went by I developed an eating disorder known ask bulimia nervosa where I was exercising 16 miles of running a week if not more ...... lost a lot of weight
THE FUTURE
at age 16 I met my current partner who is 12 years older than myself
still a bulimic I met him at this tender age and began a relationship
at 17 fell pregnant all of the above ceased
THEN IT ALL WENT WRONG
when my son was born I sank into a dark depression I received the bare minimum if ANY SUPPORT when I couldn't cope with my sons crying no more I lashed out and threw a bowl which could have hit him thank fully it didn't {I called my helper at the time }
they came and placed him in temporary foster care , it went t court, he was placed with my partners parents , sadly his dad has since died ogf lung cancer I still see my son regulary
I became pregnant at 19 I was told due the history {sexual. mental. physical abuse } that if I chose to keep this baby then it would also be taken
so I did as was told took various medications to abort the child only to be told after bleeding etc that the prodecure was wrong and that after various cramps etc was still pregnant I was soon put to sleep ......I don't want to go on as this is meant to be breift
MY PRESENT
I WAS AND STILL AM VERY FITNESS MAD
during my young and pregnant years and thereafter been a keen swimmer , fell runner and cyclist but I am also AN ALCOHOLIC I SEEK ALCOHOL and still do even though I know that unless I seek help ** I HAVE TRIED AA VARIOUS TIMES } I WILL DIE I have come to this forum in the hope I will finally gain the help I need to find PEACE WHICH SO MANY OF US SEEK FEW OF US FIND
MUCH LOVE CHARLOTTE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Welcome back, countrysidegirl. Congrats on deciding to try and live a new, better, easier way of life in recovery. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of August 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Wishing you the best today and hope to see you posting here often...
Wishing you the best today and hope to see you posting here often...
Hi countrysidegirl,
You have been through enough physical and emotional trauma to justify your drinking but I hope, really hope, you can quit drinking for good and not be a victim of those people that abused you.
As others have said there is a lot of support and advice on SR so do use them.
Wishing you all the best
You have been through enough physical and emotional trauma to justify your drinking but I hope, really hope, you can quit drinking for good and not be a victim of those people that abused you.
As others have said there is a lot of support and advice on SR so do use them.
Wishing you all the best
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Sending lots of love and compassion to you. You've survived far more than most folk can even imagine, there's a lot strength there for sure. I hope you can draw on it now and I really wish a better future for you.
xx
xx
thanks
Hi all , I.have booked an appointment with cue doc the emergency doctor in the UK to see about my mental health, today is day one and I hope a new start for me , thanks for all your support mwah xxxxxxx
Surrender and acceptance are two words that I live by these days. I know I am an alcoholic and I can't pick up. This is making the difference in my recovery this time.
I hope you will choose to make this your day 1.
A sober World is a great World... you just need to give it time and work on recovery. One day at a time countrygirl.
I hope you will choose to make this your day 1.
A sober World is a great World... you just need to give it time and work on recovery. One day at a time countrygirl.
Hi, Charlotte ~
Many of us have 'problems other than alcohol' when we begin the sober journey.
A resource I found helpful for healing in the early days of sobriety was "Pandora's Aquarium".
public: wonderful threads - Pandora's Aquarium
I used AA recovery guidelines in that I used that spot for a safe place to put things so I could read it when it came back through, looking for clues. "What I say is what *I* most need to hear."
Did you ever get to the 5th Step in AA? That is where I found amazing clarity for myself and 'the bitter root', and then others who follow the 'bitter root' and do things that hurt others.
Please give AA another go....nothings changes if nothing changes when it comes to alcoholism.
I once met an older gentleman who shared that he had tried AA 7 times before he 'got it'. Another guy said, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you been sober this time?" He said, "Thirty-two years."
I vowed in that moment that if I didn't make it in AA the first time, I would never give up. Every aspect of AA can be inspiration for others.
We care, but only you can take the measures that will Heal the pain.
Hoping you find the courage to seek Healing in sobriety,
PJ
Many of us have 'problems other than alcohol' when we begin the sober journey.
A resource I found helpful for healing in the early days of sobriety was "Pandora's Aquarium".
public: wonderful threads - Pandora's Aquarium
I used AA recovery guidelines in that I used that spot for a safe place to put things so I could read it when it came back through, looking for clues. "What I say is what *I* most need to hear."
Did you ever get to the 5th Step in AA? That is where I found amazing clarity for myself and 'the bitter root', and then others who follow the 'bitter root' and do things that hurt others.
Please give AA another go....nothings changes if nothing changes when it comes to alcoholism.
I once met an older gentleman who shared that he had tried AA 7 times before he 'got it'. Another guy said, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you been sober this time?" He said, "Thirty-two years."
I vowed in that moment that if I didn't make it in AA the first time, I would never give up. Every aspect of AA can be inspiration for others.
We care, but only you can take the measures that will Heal the pain.
Hoping you find the courage to seek Healing in sobriety,
PJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Charlotte, I'm certainly no expert but I think acceptance is important. Accept the fact that your upbringing was much more difficult than most, accept that alcohol only provides short term relief, accept the fact that you can achieve many things in sobriety. Wishing you well.
On day 2
Hi all , had my medication reviewed and finally been honest with my gp and placed on a home detox and on diazapam for a week , on day two and finally eaten something after four days , done the washing , beautiful day here in Cumbria uk, going to have a bath and will pop on here daily , I.know I'm not on my own ,lots of love to you all
Charlotte xxxxx
Charlotte xxxxx
On congratulations on Day 2 countrygirl. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time and you will feel better as the days start stacking up.
Glad to hear you were able to eat. Hopefully, you will be able to get down lots of water, it is so good for you body.
Glad to hear you were able to eat. Hopefully, you will be able to get down lots of water, it is so good for you body.
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