Two years
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Two years
This fall, it'll be 12 years since I bought my place, a condo that remains my dream home. Time passes so quickly. Thanks to the design, my balcony affords me moderate privacy and enough room for a chair and table amid containers full of flowers. And yet, I've not spent that much time on it, partly because it can be a frying pan in the summer but mostly because I never stopped to appreciate it.
Lately, weather permitting, I've been going out there not too long before bedtime and lighting a couple citronella candles in jars. This being an urban location, the city lights obscure most, though not all, of the stars. Yet it is surprisingly quiet -- the hum of crickets is interrupted by city sounds, but not often nor too noisily. It's become a time when I purposefully keep from thinking much, committed to peacefulness and reflection on gratitude.
I have a lot for which to be grateful. Two years ago tonight, I had my last drink. My plan is for it to be my final one.
Getting here required lots of faith. For most of my life, I've been most comfortable -- personally and professionally -- when I operate among facts, the verifiable. Getting sober prevailed upon me to have faith that as long as I didn't drink, things would get better.
They did -- until they didn't. The first year of my sobriety also was the hardest year of my life; 10 months in, my beloved father died unexpectedly. Just as I thought I was getting this sobriety thing down, one of wheels flew off.
I wasn't sure how to reconcile the notion that life was supposed to be better with sobriety when life hurt so much. Though I cannot say that I gave serious thought to drinking, I also knew from the wisdom here on SR that relapses are a culmination of a process, not the start. So while I wasn't at day one, sobriety-wise, I was at square one emotionally, recommitting to the principles that had brought me that far. Alcohol? As off the table as it ever could be. Mindfulness? Practiced often, and with intensity. Time on SR? More, not less.
Here's the great thing: It works.
As my recovery deepens, this life of mine can still take my breath away. Going to sleep naturally, waking without the god-awful hangover laundry list. Everything in between is faced with greater clarity of mind and a healthier body. I'm better. I no longer am simply showing up for life, slouched in the back row. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that.
Challenges remain. I can still go wintry on occasion, particularly when I allow myself to regret the duration of the wasted years. But it doesn't last as long nor is felt so acutely. Along with others here on SR, I face the declining health of my remaining parent, my lovely mother. And there are yet-unfulfilled hopes.
But I have aspirations. The ability to say that has been a long time coming.
Thank you, SR, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Here's a little treat for the women in sobriety. It's especially for Opivotal -- all in gold.
(The graphics get a little more varied around the two-minute point.)
Have faith. Live in the solution.
Lately, weather permitting, I've been going out there not too long before bedtime and lighting a couple citronella candles in jars. This being an urban location, the city lights obscure most, though not all, of the stars. Yet it is surprisingly quiet -- the hum of crickets is interrupted by city sounds, but not often nor too noisily. It's become a time when I purposefully keep from thinking much, committed to peacefulness and reflection on gratitude.
I have a lot for which to be grateful. Two years ago tonight, I had my last drink. My plan is for it to be my final one.
Getting here required lots of faith. For most of my life, I've been most comfortable -- personally and professionally -- when I operate among facts, the verifiable. Getting sober prevailed upon me to have faith that as long as I didn't drink, things would get better.
They did -- until they didn't. The first year of my sobriety also was the hardest year of my life; 10 months in, my beloved father died unexpectedly. Just as I thought I was getting this sobriety thing down, one of wheels flew off.
I wasn't sure how to reconcile the notion that life was supposed to be better with sobriety when life hurt so much. Though I cannot say that I gave serious thought to drinking, I also knew from the wisdom here on SR that relapses are a culmination of a process, not the start. So while I wasn't at day one, sobriety-wise, I was at square one emotionally, recommitting to the principles that had brought me that far. Alcohol? As off the table as it ever could be. Mindfulness? Practiced often, and with intensity. Time on SR? More, not less.
Here's the great thing: It works.
As my recovery deepens, this life of mine can still take my breath away. Going to sleep naturally, waking without the god-awful hangover laundry list. Everything in between is faced with greater clarity of mind and a healthier body. I'm better. I no longer am simply showing up for life, slouched in the back row. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that.
Challenges remain. I can still go wintry on occasion, particularly when I allow myself to regret the duration of the wasted years. But it doesn't last as long nor is felt so acutely. Along with others here on SR, I face the declining health of my remaining parent, my lovely mother. And there are yet-unfulfilled hopes.
But I have aspirations. The ability to say that has been a long time coming.
Thank you, SR, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Here's a little treat for the women in sobriety. It's especially for Opivotal -- all in gold.
(The graphics get a little more varied around the two-minute point.)
Have faith. Live in the solution.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Thank you for that very inspiring and heartfelt post Venecia.
Yes, when the wheels fall off, it can be such an awful shock ~ sober but ripped into pieces. We have to make choices. Either deepen our recovery work and do the necessary self-introspection, or fall into the chasm.
I know that our dads would not have wanted that for us!
I am so proud of you...what a truly amazing woman you are, and an incredible power of example. ♥
I can just see you sitting peacefully amongst the candles and the flowers...and I hope that when you relax out there, you will remember how very much we love and appreciate you.
on two years sober my beautiful friend!!!
♥♥
So much love,
V
Yes, when the wheels fall off, it can be such an awful shock ~ sober but ripped into pieces. We have to make choices. Either deepen our recovery work and do the necessary self-introspection, or fall into the chasm.
I know that our dads would not have wanted that for us!
I am so proud of you...what a truly amazing woman you are, and an incredible power of example. ♥
I can just see you sitting peacefully amongst the candles and the flowers...and I hope that when you relax out there, you will remember how very much we love and appreciate you.
on two years sober my beautiful friend!!!
♥♥So much love,
V
Keep on keepin' on. 
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Congratulations Venecia! When I grow up I want to be kind, compassionate, graceful and sober - just like you! The wisdom and experience you contribute here has always been so valuable to me, as well as many others undoubtedly. Thanks for sharing and being you!
What a great outdoor retreat space you have created in your dream home. Love it!
The wisdom and experience you contribute here has always been so valuable to me, as well as many others undoubtedly. Thanks for sharing and being you!What a great outdoor retreat space you have created in your dream home. Love it!
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