I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Carvoeira
Posts: 1
I need help
I've totally wasted my life with a 40-year marriage to an alcoholic, always hoping to create a family-utopia. Now he's still drinking, I'm depressed and exhausted and my children say they love their father very much and that I should learn to ignore him. How, if we live alone, two people in the same house, one always drunken and the other trying to take life forward. Can someone tell me how to do that?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 9
I am following this thread. I am at a fork in the road after 3 1/2 years with a high functioning, non abusive alcohlic. I just don't know if I can turn a blind eye, since I have taken serious turns towards improving my health/life.
But if you are miserable, your children should support you, especially as adults out of the house. In the end they will see it's for the better.
But if you are miserable, your children should support you, especially as adults out of the house. In the end they will see it's for the better.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, mcrcf. I'm an alcoholic and have never been married so no real advice, but I'm sure others will be along who have been in your situation. You might also want to check out our Friends and Family forum here:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Lot of wisdom and experience in that forum in particular.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Lot of wisdom and experience in that forum in particular.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
In my view life is too short to waste on someone else's addiction, why should someone else cause so much misery and turmoil and we're expected to simply just put up with it?
Sure people can change, but what if they don't?
In all of this YOU have a life too, a life to live and enjoy, in the same way your kids will grow up and create their own lives.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!!
In my view life is too short to waste on someone else's addiction, why should someone else cause so much misery and turmoil and we're expected to simply just put up with it?
Sure people can change, but what if they don't?
In all of this YOU have a life too, a life to live and enjoy, in the same way your kids will grow up and create their own lives.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Mcrcf.
In my opinion, you need to be happy. If you aren't happy in your situation you need to make changes.
You can only control your own actions.
Glad you found us, there's a ton of support here at SR.
In my opinion, you need to be happy. If you aren't happy in your situation you need to make changes.
You can only control your own actions.
Glad you found us, there's a ton of support here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
my wife put up with me and after I sobered up I realized that I dunno if i woulda tolerated that very same nonsense from her or from anyone else. Love is blind i guess so maybe I would have I'm not sure.
its a hard question lifes too short as it is. if tommorrow he turned the corner would you say it was worth sticking it out for? I dunno. I wonder what my wifes response would be to such a question.
I wish I had a good answer for you but all I can say is hang in there.
I would not base your decision on what your kids think at this point. I'd imagine they are older now. I'm sure your choice might sting for them but you really gotta do whats best for you in this situation. I hate to sound as if you should only worry about yourself but if the istuation is toxic for you etc.. and you can move on to a brighter situation with or without him I think you should.
its a hard question lifes too short as it is. if tommorrow he turned the corner would you say it was worth sticking it out for? I dunno. I wonder what my wifes response would be to such a question.
I wish I had a good answer for you but all I can say is hang in there.
I would not base your decision on what your kids think at this point. I'd imagine they are older now. I'm sure your choice might sting for them but you really gotta do whats best for you in this situation. I hate to sound as if you should only worry about yourself but if the istuation is toxic for you etc.. and you can move on to a brighter situation with or without him I think you should.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome mcrcf
I agree with the others here who said that everyone has a right to be happy.
Like Anna said, you need to decide what would work best for you and whether you're prepared at this point to do anything about that.
I know you'll find a lot of support here tho, so I'm glad you found us
D
I agree with the others here who said that everyone has a right to be happy.
Like Anna said, you need to decide what would work best for you and whether you're prepared at this point to do anything about that.
I know you'll find a lot of support here tho, so I'm glad you found us
D
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