mary2788

Hey everyone,

Its been a tough couple of ays this week so far.. i have had large ravings and urges. I also feel as though the so called fog has ifted and I have all of these emotions and thoughts rushing around in my head.
I am not 100 percent down with the God thing but I have been reading and searching for a while now. I am uite angry at my sitatuins in life but never ever allowed them to fully control me.

I was with a family member last night who has been helpful in aiding my sobreity as in taking me to meetings and stuff although last night he really upset me with his words it takes a lot for me to topen up to people about how I am feeling and iwas feeling comfortable with sharing things iwth him although I feel as though he attacked me.

When I was 14 i was diagnosed with an eye disease, at the time was fully sighted and very confused at what was going to happen.. I completely shut down and became very angry at the world.. I went into a deep dark depression and tried to take my life a few times. I have a form of macular degeneration therefore I cant drive, read small print, see the stairs see in the dark the list is endless...
But honestly have not let it stop me. I had to drop out of unieristy in 2012 as I was having sever eye pain and a scare of retinal detachment.. I am not working to finish my degree..
I was also fired from a cope ration in 2010 for not being able to see the register..still working to this day
again the list is endless I refuse to allow this to hold me bak i mean of course i have bad days and still worry about the further but I continue to strive to reach the life I want and deserve

He threw it in my face last night that t I was angry and said my life has been miserable ever since.. I laughed because its not He just recentlt is starting to get to know me.. My life has been a progress of sturglgles but it definitely hasn't been miserable !

He then continued on to say I feel so sorry for myself and am full of self pity.. I honestly dont think so. I feel like he was out of line for saying these things adn maybe im wrong but Its how I feel and im trying to get in touch and work through these feelings like a regular person would instead of runing away from it like i use to..

I am doing everything I can to figure out life and get my **** together... He is a huge believer in God as well though and Since I have a lot of wuestionsa dn dont fully understand it its like he attacks me for it

Anna

It sounds like this is someone you should step away from, at least for awhile until you feel stronger in your recovery. It's understandable that you have things to work through as a result of your vision problems. You could try journaling to get the thoughts out, or maybe speak with a therapist?

DitzyDandelion

That seems really harsh. I understand it can be hard to open and one of the things that makes it scary is the idea people with belittle our problems. Or suggest we are just whining. Hug hugs.

ckoures

Hugs to you. I go out of my way to avoid those who want me to feel shame. To me it is a useless emotion that simply stunts my self worth. You are doing good. I too have a shame giver. We are not going to talk much.

CaseyW

Sometimes people mistakenly think they're doing you good by giving you some "tough love" because that's what worked for them. I'd just let last night's conversation go as it's obviously not what you needed to hear right then.

You're on the right path. I appreciate your honest posts. Thank you for helping to keep me sober one more day.

mary2788

Thanks guys,
its great to be able to come here when your upset and read about others reovery as well as share about your own thoughts and troubles.

Its great to have that connection whenever we need it.

Soberwolf

Glad your here Mary

PurpleKnight

SR is in your corner Mary!!

Dee74

I agree with the consensus

I get a good idea of what people are like through their posts - I realise it's not like knowing you personally but you've never struck me as self-pitying, much less angry Mary

D