chloebaby

I am not sure what to do anyore in less than a year and a half I have lost almost everything. People keep telling me that I can have what I lost back. I am not so sure about that. I feel lost and alone. I have a real problem with feeling stupid! I had my first group treatment session yesterday and right after I bought 3 beer. See I can keep the blackouts at bay when im drunk. I got my job back but decided not to go back. Sadly being broke is the only thing keeping me from getting completely anialated. I can't even do the work they want me to in therapy. I am always so scared to sound dumb ...even when no one is going to see it! I already feel like such a loser. I thought at 41 I was immune to my families alcoholic ways. Just goes to show if you have an alcoholic family in your genes it can happen at anytime. I want to be the way I was but I can't find her anymore!

DitzyDandelion

Hey don't go giving up hope. That is your mind playing tricks. you can do this. You are here posting so you can't have lost all hope in getting back on track. First step is ditch the drinks you know that.

*hug*

DitzyDandelion

Oh and I feel I have completely lost me and everything and am all alone. Here I am though on day 4. If a ditz can do it you sure can.

hopeful4

I hear a lot of I can't, I decided not to, it's in my genes.

Here is the thing. Until you decide to control addiction and not let it control you, you are right about all of this. You can have back what you lost I am sure, but YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. It's going to be hard, and painful. You will experience frustration, hurt, anxiety, all of it. However, the rewards you will reap at the end will be worth it.

You are not stupid or weak. You are already planning that if you have a job you will spend the money getting messed up. How about getting a job and investing in YOU? Therapy, support, good medical care, massage, being able to focus on other interests (or discover what those may be), things that will assist you in staying clean.

It is a choice, and it's yours to make. I hope you look in the mirror and realize YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!

Soberwolf

Chloe you fed your AV & now its seriously active you know why your here you know why im here we are alcoholic we cant drink safely or responsibly so we do what we can to repair our lives which you have started with group therapy

im agrophobic and going group therapy scared me half to death so did my first few months of AA mostly i sat there and listened it took time for these feelings to pass but they did

My agrophobia is pretty weird some days im ok some days im not and even at 2+ years sober im still working on it this is a mental health issue i am getting help with therapy for anxiety & that too makes me feel like im crazy but its fear and thats all it is same with you and group therapy you can do the work your just choosing not to for whatever reason

I say dont give in again them beer cans aint going to help it will make it worse you know that

You said your looking for you but your right here the person posting is the real you your subconcious reaching out

Dust yourself off keep going group therapy rome wernt built in less than a year and a half it was just getting started just like you just like me

in this together im in are you ?

PurpleKnight

Never give up Chloe!!

That girl is in there, we may have to do a bit of digging around to find the person we used to be, but we can find them, we can be them once again.

We all have the power within us to make Sobriety happen, I truly believe that, but it's going to take action, getting proactive, not sitting back and hoping, wondering or wishing, but instead making a plan, plenty of acceptance and support to make it a reality!!

You can do this, never give up!!

rinky

I know sometimes it seems easier to give up and give in. I went through it time and again till my liver decided to give up on me.. losing my health turned it into a brand new ball game. Now I tell myself if I'm tempted.. it will be ok as long as I don't drink. I can do this even if it does reek.. as long as I don't drink everything else can be worked out..

Don't give in till you lose your health. When your health is gone that pretty much takes care of everything else.. Trust me.. It's no fun wondering if I'm gonna be here for my kids like I would have been if I hadn't taken this crap as far as I did...

I have earned a good part of my health back but I still swell and I still have to watch what I eat, what I take, what I weigh from day to day.. Still have to get albumin infusions... Still can't get my muscles to build back up, still can't keep my hair from breaking off... Believe me.. it's not worth it..

That's my two cents for today... Good luck.

D122y

Just don't drink ever again.

The world of alcohol is intended to trap us that are not forwarned/trained. Then we are addicted and our brain is poisoned. The great thing is, they tell me, our brains can fully recover.

I am new to the sober world. I am suffering. You will suffer. But, it gets a little better each day. Be proud of your sobriety. Your strength. Your clear eyes.

Surrender2win

Don't give up. You can do this if you concentrate on just one day at a time. Maybe even one hour or one minute at a time... you can get through it. It does get a little easier with each passing day. Just hang in there. Hugs to you.

Nonsensical

You know exactly what to do, you're just afraid to do it. That might be the addiction's greatest power - making us feel like we have none. Afraid, near panic, ashamed.

I made it out of that cage you're living in.
Hundreds of others here have, too.
Find your way.

You can do this.

NestWasEmpty

Chloebaby Your not alone ( you have yourself ) many here have lost a lot . Read others "Where were you " threads . Not making light of what you went through , but others have lost their health too.
My parents & older brother were alcoholic's . Heck most of my immediate family were .. I didn't start drinking till I was in my early 40's . Yes I followed the same path
I lost homes , apartments , cars . I was to drunk to see my Mom pass away and even get to know my first grandbaby . One of my sons have hardly said - 10 words to me in 2 years since I've been sober . No way I could hold a job like that . Oh and alcohol caused me to get worse Anxiety .
Why do I stay Sober , cause I still have Hope that one day , my son's or grand children will forgive me . If that day never comes , at least I won't put more of a burden on them dying from health related alcohol problems .
I almost waited too long to stop . Don't be me and wait for a Dr. to give you 6 months to live .. I got a second chance
Make a plan , you can turn things around - it's never too late to try .

PennyLane76

Chloe, you can build yourself back up, but not if you continue to drink. If group therapy triggers you, maybe wait until you have a little more sober time or just do one on one with your therapist? I would feel the same in a group setting right now.

chloebaby

Thank you everyone. Im not gonna give up. I usually come on this site determined to quit then when I slipped wouldn't come on here for awhile. I have been coming on here daily even when I slip because this is the only support I feel like I have and I really appreciate it. In my group she said something that made huge sense and that was exactly what I just mentioned about my anxiety. She said anxiety is one of the main causes that make people drink and boy do I have that. I have anxiety about everything. I know I have to do the work if I want to do this. I have also avoided doing any inventories. I have only ever met one person I felt I could and was completely honest with and I met her in detox and haven't seen her since.

Sasha4

You sound overcome with apathy to me.

Perhaps you need a new job, different work, a new challenge, something that holds your interest?

I should imagine that if you are just doing therapy and thinking about not drinking, or should I drink, should I not drink, life may seem quite dull.

What do you think?

Dee74

Never give up Chloe. There's nothing for you back the way you came

D