Sister3

My mother has been an alcoholic, and drug addict as far as I can remember. I raised my siblings. Now...i deal with pain and guilt as I watch my two addict sisters crumble. I called my mom and she said not her problem and hung up! I'm sooo done! How do I let go of the toxic people in my life without cracking with guilt for not being there to save my sisters?? Ive always been the caretaker, the mother, the shoulder to cry on, the so called enabler...my soul can't take it anymore...i go to alanon 2x a month, counseling, I'm on meds for bipolar and major depression. Enough is enough. I am a wife, and a mother of 3, and I can't focus on the beautiful laughter in my house because of poison my sisters and mother inject my brain with on a daily basis 😠 ahhh!

FeelingGreat

Hi Sister, firstly please don't give yourself labels like 'enabler'. Imagine your own daughter trying to look after the family if you left. You were forced into a situation where you did what you could, bravely. Give yourself praise and credit for your strength.

Your mother sounds like a piece of work, not even well intentioned. Your chance of love must come from your own family, which you know.

You don't have any chance of influencing your sisters' choices any more, but what love you did give them in the past may be their saving one day.

It sounds inadequate, but keep doing what you are doing now, which is the counselling Al-anon and medication, and things will improve, even if it's slower than you want. All your hard work will pay off. And do keep posting on SR whenever you feel the need.

Kialua

HI Sister3. I did a lot of childcare too. I know the burden of feeling responsible for them because no one else is. But they are now adults and responsible for themselves. It took me a while to understand that too. I had to now focus on my own family and let the others take care of themselves, or not take care of themselves, but it's their choice not mine.

chicory

I am sorry Sister3. I know this must be horrible for you to witness. I wonder if you could go to meetings more often? it would probably help, just for the extra support.

You are right... its hard to be happy when those we love are miserable. But your life matters too, and you should not have to go down with their ship, you know?

take care of you. protect your mental health, and your family's happpiness. Your mom and sisters can get better if they want to badly enough. I bet they know that you love them, and would be there should they decide to actually recover and make all the steps toward it on their own.

hugs, and keep posting any time. and find a bit of time in each day, to put the worries about them away. worry doesn't change anything for them, but it hurts you.

CodeJob

You raised them and now it's time to let them go. You need to focus on your own kids. And if they try to blame-shift and pull you in, remind them they are adults. Have some local rehab number they can call if you feel the need to give them something.