Savior

I drink daily for over 20 years. The last 10 years have been excessive. It never felt like a boardgame to get here, but it seems recovery has been classified as a board game. If we falter we're supposed to go back to start and that doesn't seem right. For me, my sobriety date will be the day I accepted what I am, and when I made a commitment to change. Should I become weak but my dedication not waver I will not punish myself. I have a feeling that may not seem fair to many, but for now it seems that it works for me.

I'm really new to this recovery thing and don't know the appropriate guidelines and rules. I don't have a plan, I don't have a sponsor and I don't have a desire to attend group meeting. What I have is a great therapist (who doesn't charge when I text her), this website, a few close friends who know my struggles and a desire to be better.

Dee74

I wouldn't worry too much setting yourself up in opposition to any rules you might perceive.
There are no recovery police looking to collar you here

The only real suggestions I would recommend you, or anyone else follow are

• don't drink
• find support and use it
• work out your path to being happy sober
• rinse and repeat

D

TroyW

Honestly, I totally agree with you. I know I'm a hard core alcoholic, it's stolen my life, I can never have a single drink because there's a high potential of it turning into a 2+ week binge, if I continue drinking I'll most likely die in the near future, and so on.

I know that, and am fully accepting it. However, I don't want to enter these games of counting days, etc. Last night I screwed up and had a few drinks, but I'm not going to punish myself for it, and put it in my mind that I have to start my recovery all over again, because that's just not true. In my eyes, I'm still humming along in my recovery just fine, and my resolve continues to strengthen.

I don't care how many days I've been sober, or any of the other rules / procedures. I just want to be sober, and live a good life -- simple as.

Dee74

Don't you think you have a greater chance of a different outcome if you do something different this time tho Troy?

D

TroyW

Don't worry, I am doing things differently. Just not posting about them publicly for personal reasons, that's all.

Hope you're feeling better these days as well.

MelindaFlowers

I am strictly speaking about myself here, but I was worried that if I started thinking that sobriety can restart whenever I wanted that I would start thinking about drinking only every now and then and hitting restart after I'd had a one-off drinking session.

No more restarts here.

Dee74

Good to hear Troy

I guess I just want to point out that counting days or not counting days doesn't actually make people relapse.

Deciding to drink again is always the leading cause of relapse.

If you don't want to count, then don't count...but make sure you don't drink as well

D

Delfin

One really wonderful thing I've learned here is that different things work for different people in getting sober. Meetings and sponsors work really well for a lot of people, others have done just fine without those. Some people feel that sobriety dates give them a sense of accomplishment and accountability (that's me!) and others may see them as unimportant. If what you are doing keeps you sober long-term, that's really all that matters. Isn't it?

Delfin

Soberwolf

What D said

TroyW

I guess everyone is different, but honestly, I'll have to respectfully disagree, at least for me personally.

If I day count, that quickly turns into an hourly count, which then stresses me out and I end up white knuckling it 24x7. I'll be sitting here doing some work, look at the clock, see it's 8pm and think to myself, "oh good, 4 more hours and I have day X in the bag!".

For me personally, I think it's more detrimental than helpful. I know I can't drink, I fully understand the gravity of the situation, I know full well how difficult it is, and am prepared to do what's necessary to retain sobriety.

heh, sorry... coffee again.

Dee74

I understand we're all different Troy - and I understand that you're not the only one to have that view...but I still maintain folks don't drink because of their day count or not

I drank again a load of times because I was stressed and anxious and white knuckling - I was obsessing about drinking (or not drinking) I'd done very little to change my life, and I hadn't got anything in place to deal with any of that...apart from drinking more booze.

I could blame the stress or anxiety - which I did for decades - but it was really my inability to deal with that stress and anxiety.

Right now, I think we're looking at this from two different angles

D

Nonsensical

Seems like not counting may be relief from the symptoms, but not the cure.

Nothing wrong with that, IMO. Cold medicine does nothing to combat the actual upper respiratory infection, but it still makes me feel better when my nose is clogged and my throat hurts.

Do whatever works.

Mountainmanbob

that in itself is a blessing
and a starting point for many
yes, there is great hope
MM

Saskia

I tried day counting, not day counting and everything in-between. It truly didn't make a difference although I thought it did at the time. It was the way my AV had of avoiding dealing with my alcoholism though I vehemently denied it at the time.

Dee, your comments above are just what I needed to hear today - thanks!

Nowsthetime

Hello:

Who classified it as a board game? And if so who cares? Who matters is you. So you are saying that if you are still actively drinking in a year you will say you have been sober for (insert that day)? I agree that stumbles can happen and its up to us to be honest with ourselves because, again: ourselves is who matters in this. I speak of my sobriety journey starting on 3/16/14. I had a couple of drinks once but that was the date that, like you said, I really made the desicion and I got serious about working on recovery. I started educating myself and trying to be self aware when it came to drinking. For me it just clicked. I realized that it was over.

Acceptance is the first step but it's not the end all be all. You have to do the work, the self work. I don't have a sponsor, I don't go to meetings but I do have a plan. Which includes things like reading here, posting when needed working on becoming happier and becoming better. Making my life what I want it to be...

This is all up to you and you have to figure out what works for you. The great thing about this place is that it gives you ideas and perspectives and you can take what you like and what you don't.

I will suggest though that you don't get so flippant when it comes to drinking. If you give yourself that permission, you will drink.

Hope to see you around.

Fly N Buy

The only "rule" I attempt to follow = To thine ownself be true!

If we can do that, perhaps we stand a chance and may help not only ourselves but another..........


Sobriety time = 24 hours - just for today - If I do that I've tied the world record.

Anna

Saviour, it's a personal issue as to what date you choose as a recovery date. The important thing is that you do everything you can to stop drinking and recover. You have a therapist which is a good idea and do make use of SR. It's been a lifeline for me.

ElleDee

Your recovery/staying sober is your personal game, however you choose to do it. Whatever works for you.