kj1221

Since my daughter just left our home one day after getting out of jail, I am going to call the number she was at and pack her clothes (and stuff that just came from jail). I really do not want to talk to her right now-but I feel bad that she only has had the clothes on her back.

I want to thank everyone who has responded to my posts. I need friends right now. :crying:

Lorelai

kj -
You'll find friends here for sure. What's even better is they are friends that know just what you're going through - because we've all been there.

I think that if she needs or wants her clothes, she'll come and get them. Just my opinion.
Hugs - L

kj1221

In my previous post, after my daughter left our house-to go to a "friend" in a bar, told my husband that she was going to get jobs, clean up her act, etc.., he got on the phone with her and told her not to come here and the clothes belong to him-he was just VERY upset-Last night I told him I wanted to send some things to her-but I really don't trust myself to see her. What a mess!

cwohio

kj- i'm with lorelai - if they are important - she will get them. they are her responsibility.

we're all here for you - prayers and support your way - cwohio

ASpouse

I agree with Lorelai and Chris. If she wants or needs them, she'll figure out a way to get them.

I can also understand that by packing her things and getting them to her provides you with the feeling of helping her. I'm sure it's comforting in some way to you. But in reality you are not helping her at all and only hurting yourself.

Take care and stay strong. This is hard I know.

kj1221

Should I tell her parole officier to take them to her?

ASpouse

No. If she wants them she can ask him/her or just come by and get them. If she hasn't been looking for them, then I wouldn't worry about it. (I know, easier said than done!)

cwohio

i agree - the ball is in her court. it may show you just what is most important to her at this point which may help make you stronger in your desire to help yourself and let her help herself.

Lorelai

kj -
It's really hard to separate ourselves from our loved one's problems. I know, for me, it took a long time and a lot of work.

More important than whether you have her parole officer take her the clothes is that you start to work on you and work on finding peace in your situation.

You should do whatever is right for you at this time in this situation. The important thing, though, is that you work on your issues so that, the next time, it will be easier for you to decide what is best and easier for you to detach from her problems.

I hope you stick around and read and post. It will get easier.
L

kj1221

Should I not call? I told her parole officer I can't deal with this anymore and to take her off the list that she is living here, I don't think she knows that.

ASpouse

Should you not call who? The parole officer?

Look at it this way, if something happens they will call you. If and when that time comes you can handle it then. Why worry and project about what may never happen? It just keeps you on the "hamster wheel" of co-dependency.

It's time to get yourself off ........ that first leap is always the scariest one to take. Go for it and get those first bumps and bruises and heal up and move forward. Take care.

Lorelai

kj -
Is there something you can do to take your mind off of your daughter entirely? Maybe go to a movie or have dinner with some friends? Anything that will help you to think about something else will help you.

It's been said many times - When you aren't sure what to do, do nothing. I think that if you're not sure about what you should do, you should put it on hold, find something else to occupy your mind and try to have a good day regardless.
Hugs - L

kj1221

Thank you all, I know I was droning (?) on about my daughter-I will try what you said.

Magichappens

((KJ))
We are here for you. Many times I can't get my mind off something, even though I know it is useless to worry, and I am powerless to fix it. Being here, going to Al-Anon, calling my Al-Anon friends and my sponsor all help. Sometimes I picture the person I am worrying about and put them in the warm loving embrace of God. They may have claw marks when I let go, but eventually I can let God do his job. Hugs, Magic

Lorelai

Sweetie -
You should come here and talk about your daughter anytime you want. We all know how hard and painful this is.

We all wish we could take your pain away and, the only way I know to do that is to share what has worked for us.

It's hard to focus on ourselves when someone we love is making choices that we feel are wrong. It is possible though and it is the thing that saved my sanity.

Let us know how it's going. We care about you.
L