I need help. I turn to other "soldiers" in this fight...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Lafayette, IN
Posts: 1
I need help. I turn to other "soldiers" in this fight...
I am 24.
Day one excuses:
Ex homeless vagrant. No family, ex criminal. One of Americas true bottom-feeders. I have been thru some **** that doesn't get let go, or accepted very easily. I have unquenchable anger. And I tell myself I am all alone in this. Hence my cry of distress. Alcoholism runs in my blood, but I enjoy my "good-feels". Too much weed, too much acid, shrooms, MDMA the list goes on. When I finally quit the "fun" stuff. I accepted my role as a sheep in society, and just settled with alcohol. Because my black ass was tired of going to jail for 3 months for a gram of weed, which just kept my sanity level, and my anger down, so I COULD be a functioning member of this **** society....*whew...I feel the old fire building in my chest as I type...I just want to roll a fat one and chill out. But I want to be sober. I want to think clearly. I am tired of perpetrating the image that keeps my people down. I am tired of being a slave to the almighty dollar, and the all consuming liquor. I want Liberation..
Day one excuses:
Ex homeless vagrant. No family, ex criminal. One of Americas true bottom-feeders. I have been thru some **** that doesn't get let go, or accepted very easily. I have unquenchable anger. And I tell myself I am all alone in this. Hence my cry of distress. Alcoholism runs in my blood, but I enjoy my "good-feels". Too much weed, too much acid, shrooms, MDMA the list goes on. When I finally quit the "fun" stuff. I accepted my role as a sheep in society, and just settled with alcohol. Because my black ass was tired of going to jail for 3 months for a gram of weed, which just kept my sanity level, and my anger down, so I COULD be a functioning member of this **** society....*whew...I feel the old fire building in my chest as I type...I just want to roll a fat one and chill out. But I want to be sober. I want to think clearly. I am tired of perpetrating the image that keeps my people down. I am tired of being a slave to the almighty dollar, and the all consuming liquor. I want Liberation..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 23
You don't have to fight this fight alone i too am tired of the destruction my addiction has caused and the sick feeling i carry around when my body endlessly craves the poison i have continued feeding it day after day for oh so many years its cost me my marriage destroyed my family landed me in jail too many times to count landed me in prisons ran everyone off that was ever close to me destroyed everything in my path and here i am sober and thankful i am sober and determined to stay that way at all cost you can do this we can do this one day at a time i am stronger than the strongest drink i've ever had
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi and welcome Ezekial, you will find a lot of support here, keep posting and reading.
A lot of us here, myself included, suffer from self loathing due to the state we have allowed ourselves to get into thanks to our addictions. It sounds like you have had a rough go of it and have paid the consequences. However, I am certain that you have positive characteristics and I hope you can remember that a lot of the negative things you feel and have done are a direct result of your addiction to drugs and alcohol.
You are not a terrible person, you have a disease- addiction.
You can stop the downward spiral if you stop the drugs and the alcohol.
Is it easy? Absolutely not. But it is possible and worth it. You are worth it.
You can change. You can become a productive member of society. You can become a role model and a success. But not if you don't quit the drugs and alcohol.
The anger and the restlessness and emotional turmoil will honestly get a little bit worse once your body starts to adjust to no drugs and alcohol. This is normal. But you have to hang in there. Can you get to an AA or NA meeting near you? It might make you feel good to get face to face help.
One last thing I want to say is that a good way to let out a lot of aggression and anger is to exercise. Can you get to a gym to lift or go for a run? There are often pick-up games in parks if you have a particular sport you like.
Go watch the video that Soberwolf posted, it is about getting motivated to change.
We are here when you need us. You've got to put in the effort yourself though.
A lot of us here, myself included, suffer from self loathing due to the state we have allowed ourselves to get into thanks to our addictions. It sounds like you have had a rough go of it and have paid the consequences. However, I am certain that you have positive characteristics and I hope you can remember that a lot of the negative things you feel and have done are a direct result of your addiction to drugs and alcohol.
You are not a terrible person, you have a disease- addiction.
You can stop the downward spiral if you stop the drugs and the alcohol.
Is it easy? Absolutely not. But it is possible and worth it. You are worth it.
You can change. You can become a productive member of society. You can become a role model and a success. But not if you don't quit the drugs and alcohol.
The anger and the restlessness and emotional turmoil will honestly get a little bit worse once your body starts to adjust to no drugs and alcohol. This is normal. But you have to hang in there. Can you get to an AA or NA meeting near you? It might make you feel good to get face to face help.
One last thing I want to say is that a good way to let out a lot of aggression and anger is to exercise. Can you get to a gym to lift or go for a run? There are often pick-up games in parks if you have a particular sport you like.
Go watch the video that Soberwolf posted, it is about getting motivated to change.
We are here when you need us. You've got to put in the effort yourself though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Here's the video, take a few minutes to watch it, it is good. I like it for all the sports references as I love sports and exercise, but I also thought of my fight against alcohol while watching it.
My favorite quote from it is "He who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmV...ature=youtu.be
My favorite quote from it is "He who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmV...ature=youtu.be
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome, and first thing, know for sure you are not alone.
If you want freedom from the grip of alcohol, you can do this. I have some understanding of the issue of anger and I hope you have faith that you don't have to live your life feeling anger and rage. There are healthy ways to deal with those feelings and they don't have to control you.
Instead of referring to yourself as a bottom-feeder, could you try to make small changes in your life that would make you feel better as a person?
If you want freedom from the grip of alcohol, you can do this. I have some understanding of the issue of anger and I hope you have faith that you don't have to live your life feeling anger and rage. There are healthy ways to deal with those feelings and they don't have to control you.
Instead of referring to yourself as a bottom-feeder, could you try to make small changes in your life that would make you feel better as a person?
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
EzekielTheGreat. Here in SR you will find you are not alone in what alcohol has done to our lives ... Welcome find yourself a plan , and stick with it 
Lots of friendly - caring people here to help you
Lots of friendly - caring people here to help you
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Happy you joined us ETG. You're in good company. You'd never know it to look at me, but I was in deep trouble a few times due to 24/7 drinking. You can get free and get your life back. It all lies ahead of you - and the miserable times can become a dim memory.
You're in good company. You'd never know it to look at me, but I was in deep trouble a few times due to 24/7 drinking. You can get free and get your life back. It all lies ahead of you - and the miserable times can become a dim memory.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi EzekielTheGreat, you've touched on a lot of things in your OP, all very important parts of this journey we call life. The support you will find in this forum is unlimited and from people who have seen and done it all. Alcohol likely will not help in any way to alleviate the feelings you are having, so good on you to want to quit. Wish you the very best man.
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