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15 Days.. SO many questions

Old 08-09-2015, 04:39 AM
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Angry 15 Days.. SO many questions

Good Morning, SR fan!

Today is Day 15 for me.. things were feeling pretty good the first week but the last few dys I have been so down

Im questioning myself on wether or not I really have a problem.. and could it just be something I was going through.. she I'm at meetings I'm sitting there thinking… I'm not ike everyone else here..

then I think yes you are or you wouldn't be here. I feel like everyone is going to

I have learned how much I take offence to what other people say sometimes ins tead of being like.. thats their stuff not mine.. I I don't know how to not internalize and take things personally realize how angry i was while I was using things to escape and have noticed tis has started to become less and less of an issue.. my family has even noticed.. which is great but this all seems like so much to deal with.. the emotions the fear and the hurt
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Old 08-09-2015, 05:05 AM
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Hello Mary

If you are doing AA meetings ... at the end of Step 2 in the 12 & 12 book, it basically states that every AA meeting (well most at least) is proof that God can, and will, restore us to sanity. That doesn't mean our opinion of everyone at every meeting is positive, it means that the meetings are PROOF that many people's lives have been transformed from the state of Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization, to a life free from the Alcoholic Insanity of drinking their lives to destruction.

Also, when something in ME is agitated, I need to look inside and determine what in ME is churning the agitation, because my default behavior when I am out-of-whack is to Self-Medicate, which leads to the state of Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization.

1. Admitted my Powerlessness over Alcohol, and in my ability to effectively run my own life.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than My Self could restore me to sanity - because I saw that other people's lives had been transformed to be FREE from the Obsession & Craving & Destructiveness of alcohol's abuse, which was wreaking havoc in my life.
3. Made a DECISION to turn my Will and my Life over to the care of God - as I would Set-Aside my concept of whatever that may be, and allow WORKING THE PROGRAM to bring a NEW revelation of my Creator in me.
4 . Launched into the PROGRAM - no time for letting my petty frustrations continue to CONTROL me.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous, and FREE ... and YOU are on the path, stick with it until the MIRACLE happens ...
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Old 08-09-2015, 05:25 AM
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I cannot add anything to RDB!

I would also say that be kind to yourself. You've spent however long self medicating and it's going to take a while to readjust. Day 15 is brilliant :-)
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Old 08-09-2015, 05:32 AM
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Mary,

What you are feeling is normal for where you are. The fog is starting to lift, but we don't necessarily like what is revealed. Take it one day at a time - and remember to identify, not compare with the things you hear in the rooms. Make recovery a part of your daily routine, and watch out for H.A.L.T.: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, & Tired. Those are the times when we are prone to relapse.

Good luck, and congratulations on 15 days!
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Old 08-09-2015, 05:35 AM
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Congrats on day 15 Mary dont let your AV tell you lies
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Old 08-09-2015, 06:54 AM
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You are so normal sitting in that meeting! I think if you asked anyone who ever thought that way to raise their hand, almost everyone in the room would be raising their hands!

Try to relate to others in the room.
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Old 08-09-2015, 08:39 AM
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Hi Mary,

Congratulations on 15 days sober and it sounds like you're doing well. As others have said, I suspect that your AV is telling you things are not that bad. It's fully aware that you are winning the battle and it's putting up a fight. It's great that your family and friends are noticing a positive change in you already. That should give you motivation to keep moving on.
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Old 08-09-2015, 08:45 AM
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I still think that at nearly 4 years.
However it crosses my mind once a month rather than everyday now.

The people at meetings......maybe they where just further along in their disease and you have done something about it before you got to the point they are at.

Your AV will be good at sending you messages like 'no way have you got a problem. How could you have if you have done 15 days?'

Don't listen to it.
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:02 AM
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I can relate... i too went to AA and walked out thinging... wow that guy had it real bad... ive not been through that... but then I stopped and thought about what I COULD relate to ans that was the story of his addiction... not the consqences of his addiction. When I sat and listened, I was like god I know that feeling... everyone has a different story to one another and in different stages of alcholism but despite this.... the one thing we all have is the same addiction. Don't be fooled by the "pink cloud" its the devil telling you ... your not THAT bad have a drink.... bull. I know if I pick up that one drink... it will lead me to getting drunk...eventually. Day 18 so not too far ahead of you... hang in there, think or even write down all the reasons that you have chosen a life of sobriety, that should do it x
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:04 AM
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Congrats on day 15 btw
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:26 AM
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Thanks everyone!!

Blueberry the list is a great idea, I am going to do that for sure!!
Congrats on 18!!
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:51 AM
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Hi Mary,

I remember thinking that I wasn't that bad. I also remember thinking that since I didn't have bad physical withdrawals that maybe I quit too soon. My sponsor told me when listening to people share listen for the similarities and not the differences.

I have a whole lot of "yets". My bottom was 100% mental so it's easy for my mind to trick me into thinking I'm a top shelf or pro drinker. The reality is that I was just fortunate and had every opportunity to have DWI's, get arrested for drugs, hurt someone in an accident, etc... The only reason I never lost my job or family is because I have a bunch of enablers who sweep issues under the rug.

I really struggled with all of this for a couple of months. The reality is I had the obsession and craving the BB talks about. When I finally conceded to myself that I was an alkie and drinking was just not an option the relief I felt was incredible. The internal struggle was over. A true step 1 experience.

Hang in there!
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